UC-NRLF 


B    3    3M2    bbE 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


OTHER  PLAYS  BY 
CHARLES    FREDERIC    NIRDLINGER 

(already  published  or  no?v  in  press  J 
THE  FIRST  LADY  OF  THE  LAND 

THE  WORLD  AND  HIS  WIFE  (FOUNDED 
ON  "EL  GRAN  GALEOTTO"  OF  EC  HE- 
GAR  AY) 

THE  CONSUL 

WASHINGTON'S  FIRST  DEFEAT 

THE  RUN  OF  THE  CARDS 

SPANGLES 

MARION  DE  LORME    (AN  ADAPTATION) 

MORE  THAN  QUEEN  (AN  ADAPTATION) 

MADAME  POMPADOUR 

THE  SCANDAL  AT  BELCOURT'S 

THE  PARSON'S  BALLET 

THE  POSTHUMOUS  JEST  OF  DON  MEN- 
DOZA 

AN  AFTERNOON'S  HONEYMOON 

FOUR  SHORT  PLAYS 

Containing :  Aren't  They  Wonders?,  Look  After 
Louise,  Big   Kate,   The  Real  People. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

A  PLAY  IN  THREE  ACTS 


BY 
CHARLES  FREDERIC  NIRDLINGER 


NEW  YORK 

MITCHELL  KENNERLEY 

MCMXVII 


Copyright,  1917,  by 
Charles  Frederic  Nirdlinger 

At  Author  and  Proprietor 

CAUTION  —  This  play  is  fully  protected  under  the  copy- 
right laws  of  the  United  States,  is  subject  to  royalty, 
and  any  one  presenting  the  play  without  the  consent 
of  the  author  or  his  agents,  will  be  liable  to  penalty 
under  the  law. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


A  PLAY  IN  THREE  ACTS 

AND 

FOUR  SCENES 


ACT  ONE 
ACT  TWO 
ACT  THREE 


TWO  SCENES 
ONE  SCENE 
ONE  SCENE 


THE  PERSONS  OF  THE  PLAY 

IN    THE    ORDER    IN    WHICH    THEY    FIRST    SPEAK 

TOM   SAVILE 

RHODA    BROUGH 

BRUCE    VAUX 

HIGGINS 

MONTRESSOR    WATTS 

MR.    GRIGGS 

MR.   SAVILE 

HOMANS 

THE    POLICEMAN 

MARIAN    GRAY 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

ACT  ONE 
[scene  one] 

The  scene  is  a  sculpt  or*  s  studio  in  the  Washington 
Mews. 

The  room,  loxv^r  at  front  than  at  hack,  has  a  beamed 
ceiling.  It  is  furnished  and  appointed  simply,  hut  in 
perfect  taste.  The  few  pieces  of  furniture  are  notably 
fine  antiques.  There  are  several  plaster  casts  standing 
about,  some  still  in  the  making.  The  general  effect,  at 
a  glance,  shows  that  it  is  a  sculptor* s  habitat,  and  not 
a  painter*s  studio  of  the  conventional  sort. 

A  door  at  right  leads  to  the  hall-way:  a  door  at  left 
opens  on  a  bed-room;  this  door  is  masked  by  a  tall  mir- 
ror, in  tarnished  gilt  frame  with  top-piece. 

Curtains  —  very  dark  purple  or  black,  working  on 
pulleys  —  and  sliding-doors  divide  the  two  sections  of 
the  room.  The  up-stage  section  —  the  scuIptor*s 
work-room  —  has  a  skylight.  At  back  are  French 
windows,  opening  on  a  balcony. 

Beneath  the  skylight  stands  an  equestrian  statue,  of 
heroic  size,  of  *'  Don  Quixote.**  Platform  and  frame- 
work show  that  the  statue  is  not  yet  completed.  The 
statue  is  only  partly  in  view  at  RISE  OF  CURTAIN, 
the  curtains  being  drawn. 

1 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


On  a  "  dummy  "  is  a  woman^s  costume  of  Spain,  pe- 
riod of  17th  century:  splendid  in  stuff  and  color, 

A  small  '*  drop  "  or  '*  fiat  "  shows  a  number  of  wind- 
mills. 

There  is  a  fire-place,  left,  with  a  tea-kettle  whistling 
on  the  crane;  and  stretched  between  th^  tall  andirons 
some  drying  laundry:  handkerchiefs,  socks,  white 
gloves,  and  a  sculptor's  blouse. 

Tom  Samle,  a  young,  boyish-looking  painter  stands, 
right,  at  easel,  engaged  on  picture  of  a  "  nude.''  He 
"  visions  "  it  from  various  angles,  obviously  dissatis- 
fied with  his  work. 

A  suit-of -armor  sits  in  loose,  lounging  attitude,  and 
half -turned  from  audience,  on  a  chair  left:  one  hand 
rests  in  lap,  holding  a  book. 

TOM  (to  the  suit-of -armor) 

Not  so  bad,  eh?  (There  is  no  answer)  Little  too 
—  much  —  hip?  H'm,  h'm.  (Puts  brush  to  pic- 
ture) That's  better  —  (to  armor)  —  don't  you 
think?  (No  answer)  (Rhoda's  voice  heard  off  from 
hall,  mlth  a  cheery  '*  Ho-ho!  "  of  signal) 

TOM  (in  same  tone) 
"  Ho-ho ! " 

RHODA  (at  half-opened  door) 
Anything  doing? 

TOM  (assenting,  but  not  looking  from  his  work) 
Figure ! 

KHODA  (closes  door,  but  immediately  reopens  it) 
No  face  ?  —  shoulders  ?  —  neck  ? 

TOM  (same  tone) 
Figure ! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  3 

RHODA  (repeats  business  at  door) 

Hands?  —  feet?      (Extends^  in  turn,  one  of  each) 
TOM  (in  sing-song  voice) 

Figure !     To-day  I'm  doing  only  figure. 

EHODA 

Adios  !  Senor  !  (Closes  door  zcith  bang) 
TOM  (Rushes  to  open  door,  but  finds  it  held  fast) 
(Calls  over  transom)  Come  back,  you  monkey !  — 
The  "  old  man  "  will  be  here  presently.  (Rhoda  re- 
enters) I  knew  that  would  fetch  you.  (Rhoda  is 
about  eighteen:  pretty  rath-er  than  beautiful.  She 
has  on  a  velvet  Tam-o'-shanter  hat:  and  over  a  black 
skirt  and  a  shirt-zcaist  of  obvious  cheapness  — 
though  of  good  "  style  " —  she  wears  a  costly  fur- 
coat  —  a  man's  coat  and  much  too  large  for  her. 
Her  loose  tie  is  black,  and  on  her  arm  is  a  mourn- 
ing-band) 

RJIODA 

Mr.  Vaux  won't  want  me  till  late. 

TOM 

What  are  you  doing  out  at  this  hour? 

KHODA 

It's  dull  at  the  shop  —  and  we're  on  half-time  — 
most  of  us. — (wistfully)  And  I  thought  —  maybe 
you  might  —     (Turns  to  go) 

TOM 

Don't  go !  —  Vaux  may  want  you  when  he  gets  back. 
He's  up  at  City  Hall. 

EHODA  (all  alive) 
'Bout  the  statue? 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


TOM  (wJiUe  working) 

Yes  !  —  They'll  accept  it  to-day  —  the  Aldermen  — 

or  turn  it  down ! 
EHODA  (with  meaning) 

Don't  break  your  heart  over  it  (crosses  her  fingers) 
'cause    he's  —  (indicates    statue)  —  going    to    take 

first   prize !      (Thrusts  her  crossed  fingers  at  him) 

First  prize ! 

TOM 

'Gainst  those  "  wire-pullers  "  ?  Schnaubengigl  — 
Mulcahy  —  Goldoni,  and  that  crowd  ?  —  Lucky  if  he 
gets  second  prize  —  or  a  mention. 

RHODA 

He  wouldn't  accept  it.      (Makes  to  go) 

TOM 

Wait  —  and  see  ! 

KHODA 

I  shall!     (Notes   the  *' laundry '*:  throws  off  coat, 
a7id,  taking  flat-iron  from  fire-place,  begi/ns  to  iron 
handkerchiefs,  etc.)     I've  an  hour  or  two  —  and  if 
you  can't  use  me  ^— 
TOM   (ijizaingly) 
Figure,  only ! 

RHODA 

Tom  Savile  —  don't  your  figures  ever  have  a  face.? 

TOM 

O,  I  can  imagine  a  face  —  (Pokes  at  her  features, 
with  his  brush)  —  a  mouth  —  nose  —  pair  of  eyes. 
—  But  when  it  comes  to  the  —  (Indicates  figure  on 
canvas)  —  well,  my  art  —  all  the  best  art  —  is  from 
Missouri. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


RHODA 

It  should  stay  there  —  and  never  leave  home  and 
mother  —  like  that.  (Nods  to  picture,  'cross  her 
shoulder)     What  do  you  call  it? 

TOM 

"  Purity  "  —  (Tidying  to  get  her  to  look)  —  See  if 
you  don't  think  it  suggests  purity. 
RHODA  (not  looking  up  from  her  ironing) 

I'm  sure  it  doesn't !  —  or  you  wouldn't  have  to  label 
it.  —  In  our  grocery-department  they  only  put  the 
Pure  Food  labels  on  stuff  that  (uith  gesture)  — just 
"  gets  by  "  the  Board  of  Health.—  And  I  don't  be- 
lieve she  could  even  do  that ! 

TOM 

One  of  the  girls  from  your  shop  "  posed  "  it ;  but  I 
don't  like  her  lines. 
RHODA  (ziith  mingled  humor  and  sympathy) 
Poor  thing! 

TOM 

You  think  it's  wrong? 
RHODA  (promptly) 

No  !  —  Not  wrong  —  or  all  you  nice  chaps  wouldn't 
be  doing  it. 

TOM 

Least  of  all,  Rhoda,  I  wouldn't  ask  you  to  pose. 

RHODA 

Of  course  not.  —  I  know  that. 

TOM 

Old  Vaux  himself  will  tell  you  it's  all  right. 

RHODA 

He  has  told  me  —  '*  old  "  Vaux  —  some  of  the  very 
nicest  girls  in  the  world  are  models  —  for  figure  — > 


6  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

(Tom  nods  *'  yes  "J  —  that  he  never  knew  one  that 
wasn't  a  real  lady  —  at  heart  —  (Tom  nods  '*  yes  "J 
—  that  it's  perfectly  all  right  to  pose  —  and  that  I 
shouldn't  do  it! 

TOM  (peeved) 

The  old  humbug! 

RHODA  (off  her  guard) 
Shut  up  !  —  How  old  ? 

TOM 

Old  enough  to  be  called  a  failure. 

RHODA 

I  know  some  failures,  'round  here,  much  younger 
than  Mr.  Vaux.  —  (Flaring)  Who  calls  him  a 
failure  ? 

TOM 

The  men  in  his  own  line. 

RHODA 

Jealous ! 

TOM 

Artists  —  "  jealous  ".^ 

RHODA   (nods  "  yes  **) 

Don't  I  hear  our  window-dressers  —  roast  each 
other's  display?  (Imitating)  "Great!  —  Yes!  — 
but  —  a  dead-steal  from  Altman's." —  I'm  no  judge 
of  art  —  except  when  I  hear  one  of  you  fellows  tell 
a  friend :  "  that's  the  best  thing  you  ever  did !  " — 
Then  I  know  it's  rotten ! 

TOM  (laughing) 

I'm  not  sure  you'd  do  for  an  artist's  wife. 

RHODA 

I'm  sure  —  I  wouldnH. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


TOM 

Still,  I'm  going  to  risk  it,  Rhoda  —  marry  you. 
RHODA  (with  mock  seriousness) 

Have  you  spoke  to  my  family? 
TOM  (laughing ) 

No,  but  I've  spoken  to  mine  —  told  them  I  mean  to 

marry  you. 
RHODA  ( chafjlugly ) 

And  3^ou  live  to  tell  the  tale?  —  Mr.  Savile,  you  know 

so  little  of  my  people. 

TOM 

Nothing ! 

RHODA 

They  were  very  ambitious  people  —  one  of  the  first 
families  of  MacDougall's  Alley ;  some  of  their  old 
neighbors  can  tell  you  about  them  —  specially  'bout 
father !  —  Lord,  if  he  ever  thought  I'd  marry  a 
painter  —  son  of  a  mere,  every-day,  common  million- 
aire—  and  just  now,  when  they're  so  very  common! 

TOM 

But,  Rhoda,  this  is  serious, —  really  ! 
RHODA  (laughing) 

I'll  bet  it  w^as  serious,  when  you  told  father. 

TOM 

Why,  girl,  you  know  I'm  mad  about  you !     (Trying 
to  embrace  her) 
RHODA  (drawing  away) 

Go  'long,  boy  !  —  You're  "  mad  "  'bout  every  girl 
comes  here !  You're  what  we  call  a  — "  steady 
fusser  !  " —  the  worst  "  fusser  "  in  the  Square. —  You 
don't  even  pretend  it's  love  —  or  poetry  —  or  soul- 


8  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

stuff  you're  after  —  to  put  into  your  work ;  you're 
just  a  —  a  regular  Anarchist. 

TOM 

But  I  do  care  for  you  —  you  know  that! — (With 
every  show  of  sincerity)     And  I'm  serious  —  terri- 
bly serious.      (Makes  to  put  arm  about  her) 
RHODA  (holding  hot  iron  toward  him) 

Don't  be !  —  Cause  you're  funny  when  you're  serious 
—  and  serious  only  when  you're  funny  —  having  a 
good-time  —  with  the  crowd  —  at  Pedro's, —  Then  I 
like  you ! 

TOM 

Let's  go  to  Pedro's !  —  Come  on !  (She  indicates 
"  no  "J  Or  the  Lafayette?  (She  repeats  *'  no  ") 
Well,  it's  something  that  you  like  me  at  all. 

RHODA   (with  coquetry) 

'Course  I  like  you. —  Couldn't  help  it  —  with  Mr. 
Vaux  always  talking  about  you. 

TOM  (lightly) 

The  old  man's  some  use! 

RHODA  (assenting  with  a  nod) 

For  a  — "failure." —  He  says  you're  the  finest 
ever !  —  I  don't  know  how  he  figures  it  out  —  but  he 
certainly   thinks   so. 

TOM 

Then  you'll  think  so,  some  day. 
RHODA  (with  coquetry) 
Perhaps. 

TOM 

And,  then,  of  course,  you'll  marry  me.  (Approaches 
her) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


RHODA 

Rot,  Tom  Savile! 

TOM 

''  Rot  Tom  "— ? 

RHODA  (crosses  right  —  puts  ironed  'kerchiefs  on  table) 
Yes,  and  Tommy-rot !  —  You  must  think  I'm  a  fool 
to  believe  such  —  (In  surprise,  lets  drop  the  flat-iron) 
Why  —  Tom  Savile !  —  You've  been  —  (Tries  to 
seize  the  picture  from  easel)  (Tom  intervenes, 
laughing)  (Pointing  to  face  of  picture)  That's 
me ! 

TOM  (K'ith  fervor) 

Of  course  it's  you !  How  could  I  do  any  one  else?  — 
when  I'm  always  thinking  of  you  —  dreaming  —  and 
mooning  over  you. —  Who  should  I  paint? 

RHODA  (again  trying  to  seize  the  picture) 
Your  model !  —  paint  your  model !  — 

TOM 

Whatever  model  I  use,  it's  your  face  I  see:  you're 
always  before  me  —  on  my  palette  —  canvas  — 
brushes  !  —  Vaux  will  tell  you  — 

RHODA 

He's  seen  this? 

TOM 

What  if  he  has?  —  What  of  it?     Every  painter  does 
that  with  the  woman  he  loves  — 
RHODA  (in  fury) 

But  you've  no  right !  —  He  told  me  not  to  !  And  I 
don't  believe  he  —  He  wouldn't  allow  you  — 
(Struggles  to  get  at  the  picture,  Tom  holding  her  off 
with  arm  about  her  waist; —  when  there  is  a  turmoil 
heard  off  at  back:  two  or  three  voices;  a  cry  of  pain; 


10  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

and  the  stamp  of  horse-hoofs)  (Enter  Vaux,  at 
back;  aglow  from  his  walk  in  the  clear  wintry  day. 
Bizarre  in  his  attire,  and  markedly  picturesque  in  ap- 
pearance. Moustachios  and  goatee  like  Don  Quix- 
ote's in  the  usual  pictures.  Straight-rimmed  silk 
hat;  frock  coat  —  bell-skirted  —  tight  at  waist;  long 
cape,  gloves  with  gauntlets;  carries  umbrella  or  stick 
as  if  it  were  a  lance.  Habitually  wears  a  bouton- 
niere)  (Vauoc^s  manner  is  that  of  a  man  who  knozes 
that  people  think  him  "  strange,''  "  queer,'*  *'  not 
quite  all-there  ";  but  he  knows  better,  and  twinkles 
with  enjoyment  of  their  mistake)  (Vaux  pauses,  be- 
tween the  curtains  at  back  aiid  speaks  to  some  one 
off) 
VAUX  (caressingly) 

Good  girl,  Cosie !  —  Good  girl !  —  And  serves  you 
right,  Jake !  (Change  of  tone)  The  man  who  lays 
his  hand  on  a  woman  save  in  the  way  of  kindness  is 
a  —  a  —  (Rather  to  himself)  —  wretch  whom  'twere 
base  flattery  to  name  —  a  coward  —  (With  sym- 
pathy) I'll  send  him  down  the  liniment  —  (Turns 
and  sees  Rhoda  who  has  risen  on  his  appearance) 
(He  greets  her  with  a  sweeping,  courtly  boxv)  (Then 
takes  a  black-bottle  from  shelf;  reads  label)  "  Good 
for  man  or  beast  " —  that's  it ! 

RHODA 

I'll  take  it  down. 

VAUX 

No,  No  \  Just  put  it  on  the  dumb-waiter.  (Bows 
her  to  left)  (Rhoda  exits)  (After  glance  to  make 
sure  Rhoda  is  not  in  sight,  he  drops  some  coins  into  a 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  11 

beautiful  vase  on  mantel;  then  places  in  vase  two  or 
three  roses  that  he's  brought  in) 

TOM 

Who's  hurt? 

VAUX 

Jake,  the  janitor. 

TOM 

Three  cheers  !  —  Who  by? 

VAUX 

Cosie !  —  He  struck  and  cursed  her  —  as  I  came  in. 
At  sight  of  me  he  turned  to  explain  and  apologize 
and  —  (Hesitates  lest  Rhoda  hear) 

TOM  (jumping  in.  Kith  gl'ee) 

And  Cosie  kicked  him  —  in  the  interim. 

VAUX  (twinkling) 

If  the  interim  is  the  broadest  part  of  Jake's  anatomy, 
that's  where  she  kicked  him. —  (Rhoda  re-enters) 
(A  loud,  rumbling  voice  heard  off,  from  below: 
**  Potztausend!  "  "  Donnerwetter!  "  etc.,  etc.) 

VAUX 

Is  that  Cosie  he's  talking  to?      (Makes  to  go) 
RHODA  (A  woman's  voice  heard  off,  in  vigorous  retort) 

No  !     Gretchen,  his  wife. 
VAUX  (relieved) 

O  !  —  His  wife  can  talk  back,  but  our  Cosie  is  —  help- 
less. (With  fire)  How  can  one  be  rough  to  such  a 
patient,  gentle  creature?  —  Why,  just  to  look  at 
her! 

TOM 

Cosie's  not  much  to  look  at ! 

VAUX 

All  the  more  reason  for  kindness  —  and  chivalry. 


12  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

TOM  (through  laughter) 

There  you  go  1  — "  chivalry  " —  even  to  that  wrack- 
of-bones ! 

vAux  (as  he  shifts  into  place  a  "  dummy "  horse: 
scrawny,  raw-honed,  hob-tailed  —  a  caricature  of  a 
horse) 

But  her  every  bone  for  me  —  an  inspiration !  What 
Venus-Rising- from-the-Sea — (Points  to  cast  of 
"  Venus  *')  —  wa^  to  Praxiteles  —  Cosie,  rescued 
from  the  pedlar's-cart,  is  to  my  "  Don  Quixote." 
(Indicates  statue)  And  when  her  work  is  done,  she'll 
live  in  clover, —  like  all  of  us  I     (Looks  to  Rhoda) 

RHODA  (eagerly) 

Have  they  took  it?  —  at  City  Hall? 

VAUX 

No !  but  — 

TOM 

There  are  a  chance? 
vAUx  (assenting) 

My  "  Quixote  "  is  one  of  the  three  designs  from  which 
they'll  select,  finally,  the  two  prize-winners. 

TOM 

Who  are  your  two  rivals? 

VAUX 

Schnaubengigl  and  Goldoni. 

RHODA 

Foreigners,  of  course ! 

VAUX 

But  both  great  men !  —  And  Art  knows  no  country. 
—  There  were  mobs  of  Schnaubengigl's  countrymen 
at  City  Hall  —  and  Goldoni's  —  to  remind  the  alder- 
men. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  13 

TOM  (with  laugh) 

You  lose!  (Rhoda  makes  gesture  of  throwing  flat- 
iron  at  him) 

TOM  (quickly) 

I  mean  only  —  what  do  they  know  of  "  Don  Quixote  " 
with  his  knight-errants  and  "  chivalry  "  ?  —  Most 
people  now-a-days  think  him  a  "  nut  " ! 

VAUX  (assenting) 

God  pity  them !  —  (Suddenly  remembering  that  he  is 
smoking)      (To  Rhoda)     I  beg  your  pardon  — 

RHODA 

I  like  a  cigar  — 

VAUX 

Thank    you  —  but    I    suspect    this    isn't ;    it's    a  — 
(Looks  at  band)     ''  Cachuca."      (Throws  it  away) 
RHODA  (talking  at  Tom,  who  is  puffing  a  cigarette) 
It  can't  be  worse  than  some  cigarettes. 

TOM 

Now,  Vaux,  put  something  like  this  —  (Points  to  his 
"  nude  ")  —  on  the  horse  —  call  it  "  Lady  Godiva  " 
—  and  you'll  get  somewhere. 

VAUX 

Thank  you !     Not  with  naked  ladies ! 

TOM 

You  don't  think  it's  art? 

VAUX 

Yes,  yes  —  for  artists  ! 

TOM 

But  not  for  the  public? 

VAUX 

When  it  comes  to  "  Lady  Godivas  " —  the  public  are 
mostly  "  Peeping  Toms." 


14  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX  (to  Higgins,  the  model,  in  suit-of -armor) 

Higgins !  (No  response:  Vaux  shakes  him,  with  no 
response  except  a  snore)  Higgins!  (Louder) 
Higgins!  Engarde!  (Higgins  jumps  to  his  feet 
and  lets  hook  fall  to  floor)  Sorry  to  disturb  you. 
(Picks  up  fallen  hook) 

HIGGINS  (flustered) 

I  —  I  —  was  reading  "  Don  Quixote." 

VAUX  (looking  at  hook) 

Yes,  I  heard  you. —  How  far  did  you  get  with  him  ? 

HIGGINS 

To   the  wind-mills — (With  gesture)  —  I  just  got 
through  fighting  the  wind-mills. 
VAUX  (kindly) 

And,  naturally,  3^ou  were  exhausted. 

HIGGINS 

He  was  himself  —  the  book  says  — 

VAUX 

You've  caught  the  spirit !  —  (With  fire)  Now,  man, 
to  horse!     (Higgins  mounts  the  "  studio  *'  horse) 

VAUX  (to  Rhoda) 

If  you  will,  dear  lady.?  —  (Points  to  "  Dulcinea  "  cos- 
tume on  dummy)  (Rhoda  takes  costume:  goes  he- 
hind  screen,  puts  it  on,  reappears,  and  sits  facing 
Higgins) 

VAUX  (gives  Higgins  a  lance) 

Lance  in  rest !  —  Charge !  —  Rout  the  monsters ! 
(Vaux  hegins  work  on  the  plaster  model  of  the  statue, 
hilt  stops  at  sight  of  Higgins^  awkward,  lackadaisical 
pose,  which  he  tries  to  "  huck  up  '*  two  or  three  times, 
with  jahs  and  valiant  words)  That  wouldn't  rout 
them,  Higgins  !  —  Unhorse  them  ! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  15 

HiGGiNs  (perplexed) 

"  Unhorse  "  wind-mills  ! 

VAUX 

You  and  I  know  they're  wind-mills  —  but  to  Don 
Quixote  they  are  living  demons  —  cruel,  merciless 
giants.  He  must  conquer, —  kill  them  —  to  save  the 
world  —  (Points  to  Rhoda)  —  and  win  his  Dulcinea. 
(Eyes  -fixed  on  Rhoda)  Think  —  think  of  winning 
Dulcinea  —  for  your  very  own  ! 

HiGGiNs  (naively) 
I've  got  SL  woman. 

VAUX  (with  stamp  of  foot) 

That  word,  Higgins  !  How  often  must  I  tell  you?  — 
You're  not  in  the  vein  to-day !  —  And  I  don't  know 
what  more  I  can  do,  to  put  you  in  the  spirit  of 
Quixote  —  and  keep  you  there !  —  You  have  a  horse 

—  (Indicates  the  wooden,  *'  studio-horse  "j  — a  fiery, 
prancing  steed  —  or  as  near  a  horse  as  may  be,  when 
we  can't  work  out-doors. —  You  have  the  wind-mills 
Quixote  rode  against. —  (Indicates  the  "  scene-piece  " 
of  wind-mills )     You  have  his  helmet,  shield  and  lance 

—  or  quite  as  good  as  his  —  and  you  have  here  — 
looking  up  into  your  eyes  —  a  Dulcinea  such  as  any 
Knight  would  die  for! 

HIGGINS 

Maybe  —  if  I  had  a  drink  — 
VAUX  (in  despair) 

Ah !  That's  where  your  mind  is  —  not  wind-mills  — 
gin-mills !  (Takes  lance  from  Higgins)  No  more 
to-day,  Higgins  !  —  Take  them  off. — (Indicates  coat- 
of-mail)  (To  Rhoda)  We'll  stop.  Miss  Brough. 
(Rhoda  goes  behind  screen  to  remove  costume) 


16  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

HiGGiNs  (plaintively,  as  he  removes  armor) 

But,  Mr.  Vaux  — 
VAUX  (shakes  his  head  "  no  ") 
HIGGINS  (gloomily ) 

I  counted  on  these  two  hours. 

VAUX 

You're  not  in  the  mood. 

HIGGINS 

I'm  out  of  money,  Mr.  Vaux. 

VAUX 

That  you  shall  have  —  (Makes  to  take  coins  from 
pocket,  or  desk) 
HIGGINS  (declining) 
W^ithout  earning  it? 

VAUX 

Certainly  not !  —  Take  Cosinante  for  a  walk  — • 
'round  the  Square ;  —  let  her  gaze  on  the  battle-arch ; 
then  over  to  the  Avenue,  under  the  "  L  "  —  as  the 
trains  thunder  by ;  —  and  where  they're  blasting  for 
the  sub-way !  So  she  gets  the  smell  of  powder,  the 
roar  and  boom  of  battle !  —  She'll  "  pose  "  the  better, 
for  it  —  and  you,  too !  (During  the  above  speech, 
Vaux  has  placed  a  cheval-mirror  before  him,  and 
makes  ready  to  work  on  the  statue  with  himself  as 
model)  (Higgins  takes  off  the  helmet,  and  shows 
himself  clean-shaven) 

VAUX  (in  dismay) 

Higgins!  What  have  you  done  with  your  face? 
(Indicates  moustache  and  goatee) 

HIGGINS  (feels  for  his  moustache  and  goatee:  panicky) 
The  barber  —  the  barber  —  he  did  it ! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  17 

VAUX  (distressed) 

What  were  jou  thinking  of !  —  We  had  you  trained 
to  a  hair !  (Pidls  at  his  moustache)  And  Cosie  had 
come  to  know  you  —  even  with  visor  down  !  —  She'd 
never  get  used  to  you  this  way ! 

HIGGINS 

Well,  my  worn  —  (Correcting  at  a  glance  from  Vaux) 
—  my  lady  —  couldn't  get  used  to  me  that  way. 
(Pulls  at  imaginary  goatee) 

VAUX 

Ah,  your  wife? 
HiGGixs  (sniffling) 

Yes, —  Mr.  Vaux,  she's  kind  o'  superstitious  about  my 
face :  says  goatees  are  unlucky. —  I  told  her  you'd  be 
angry  — 

VAUX 

"  Angry  "?  —  Delighted,  Higgins, —  that  you  bow  to 
your  lady's  caprice.  Quixote  would  have  done  the 
same. —  (Soothingly)  We'll  find  something  else  for 
you  — 

RHODA  (from  hehijid  screen) 

Mr.  Wills,  the  floor  below,  is  doing  some  Apollos  — 
for  a  health-belt  poster  — 

VAUX  (to  Tom) 

Speak  a  good  word  for  Higgins  —  you  know  Wills. 
(Tom  exits)  (To  Higgins)  See  him,  later  —  when 
you've  brought  Cosie  home. —  (Takes  a  pair  of  horse- 
blinders  from  the  studio-horse)  And  I'll  put  these 
blinders  on  her  —  so  she  won't  see  you  full-face. — 
She's  high-strung  —  and  if  she  missed  the  —  (Ges- 
tures moustache  and  goatee)      (Exits) 


18  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

HiGGiNs     (to     Rhoda,     still     behind    screen)      (Confi- 
dentially) 
I've  got  something  good  — 

RHODA  (interrupting) 

Not  to-day  —  it's  my  rent-day. 

HIGGINS 

But  this  is  sure  —  absolutely  sure  !  ^ 

RHODA 

No  !  —  I  must  pay  my  rent  — 

HIGGINS 

It's     a     crime  —  to     pay     rent  —  with     this    tip  — 
straight  from  the  stable. 

RHODA 

No! 

HIGGINS 

And  first  time  out ! 

RHODA 

No!     No!  — What  track.?     Mexico? 

HIGGINS 

No !     You  can't  get  the  "  dope  "  on  Mexico. —  One 
day  they're  out  for  Villa,  the  next  for  Carranza. — 
This  is  Pimlico  —  third  race  —  and  absolutely  sure! 
RHODA  (with  finality) 

No !     No !     No  !  —  W^hat  odds  ? 

HIGGINS 

Fifty  —  twenty  —  and  five  to  show. —  And  it's  crim- 
inal — 

RHODA 

So    are    the   odds !  —  (Comes   from    behind   screen) 
What's  the  horse.? 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  19 

HIGGINS 

"  You're  a  Dog-gone  Dangerous  Girl  "  —  (RJioda 
looks  incredulous)     That's  her  name! 

RHODA 

That  explains  the  odds. —  Here!  (Gives  him  some 
money)  (He  makes  a  wry  face)  All  I  can  spare, 
to-day.      (Takes  up  her  fur  coat) 

HIGGINS 

You  could  make  a  killing  —  with  that  coat. 
EHODA  (shocked) 
Sell  it? 

HIGGINS 

No  !  —  Hock  it ! 

RHODA 

In  this  weather !  —  What  a  chance ! 

HIGGINS 

It's  a  crime  to  lose  the  chance !  —  You  could  burn-up 
the  book-makers  with  it. 

RHODA 

And  freeze  me  without  it. 

HIGGINS 

You'd  have  it  back,  after  the  race. —  It's  a  crime  not 
to  — 

RHODA 

No! 

HIGGINS 

The  third  race  only  —  and  they  start  early  at  Pim- 
lico.     I'll  fetch  your  coat  when  I  go  for  mine. 

RHODA 

No,  Higgins. —  That's  all  I  risk  — 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


HiGGiNs  (almost  tearfully) 

It's  a  crime  —  crime  1  —  crime  I  —  not  to  plunge  on 
that  horse  —  You're  robbing  your  children  —  some 
day. 

KHODA  (taking  corns  from  handkerchief ) 

Well,  here's  two  more  —  on  "  You're  Dog-gone  Dan- 
gerous "  horse ! 

HIGGINS 

I'll  play  her  for  "  show." 

EH  CD  A 

No,  no  —  play  her  for  excitement ;  fifty-to-one  !  — 
What  good's  five-to-one,  on  a  two  dollar  bet?     (Re- 
enter Vaua;:  in  season  to  see  Higgins  stuff  the  money 
into  his  pocket) 
HIGGINS  (taking  a  cigar  from  box  on  table) 
May  I,  Mr.  Vaux? 

VAUX 

Certainly !  —  (Quickly)  But  you're  walking-out 
with  the  horse  1  —  Get  a  real  cigar  —  (Gives  him  a 
coin)  Corona  or  Romeo. —  Cosie  doesn't  like  these  — 
(Indicates  box)  — "  Cachucas  " —  I've  smoked  them, 
once  or  twice,  in  her  presence  —  and  she  bucked ! 
HIGGINS  (makes  to  put  cigar  in  pocket) 
I'll  smoke  it  at  home. 

VAUX 

Before  your  wife!      (Takes  cigar  from  Higgins  and 

throws  it  in  box)      (Higgins  makes  to  exit)      (Tom 

re-enters) 
TOM  (to  Higgins) 

Mr.  Wills  wants  to  know  what  weight. 
HIGGINS  (his  mind  on  the  race) 

Only  eighty-five  pounds  —  by  the  Morning  Tele  — 

I'll  tell  him  —  (Makes  to  rush  out) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  21 

VAUx  (calling  after) 

Your  over-coat,  Higgins  !  — 

HIGGINS 

I  left  it  up-town. 

VAUX 

It's  bitter  cold,  out. 

HIGGINS 

I'll  get  my  coat,  later.      (Turns  his  coat-collar  up) 

VAUX 

Meanwhile,  you'd  best  wear  mine.      (Points   to   his 
over-coat  on  rack) 
HIGGINS   (eagerly) 

Yes,  that  would  be  —  (Starts  to  put  on  Vaux's  coat) 
(Rhoda  hums:  "  You*  re  a  Dog-go  tie  Dangerous 
Girl  "  j  No, —  that  would  be  a  crime  —  in  this 
weather!  (Exits  quickly)  (Rhoda  approacJies 
Tojn's  canvas,  ominously)  (Tom  resumes  work  at 
easel,  to  ward  her  off) 

VAUX 

Miss    Brough  —  pardon,    if    I    seem    impertinent  — 
Higgins,   I   know  is   often   in   straits  —  but,   surely, 
you've  nothing  to  spare  — 
RHODA  (flustered) 

No,  no  —  that  was  for  —  well,  you  see  —  Higgins 
does  some  little  —  commissions  —  for  me,  now  and 
then,  and  I  — 

VAUX 

I  beg  your  pardon  —  and  his.  (As  Rhoda  makes 
to  exit)  My  dear  lady  —  (Bows  toward  a  vase  in 
which  are  two  roses  —  and  some  corns)  —  there's  a 
rose  due  you  —  and  —  (Shakes  his  finger  reprov- 
ingly) —  for     your     previous      visit     also !  —  Two 


^2  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

hours.  (She  takes  the  roses  and  some  coins  from 
the  vase;  ties  coins  into  corner  of  her  handkerchief 
and  hursts  into  laughter) 

VAUX 

Yes,  it  is  ridiculous :  such  pittance  for  the  priceless 
service  you  do  me  !     No  wonder  j^ou  laugh ! 
RHODA  (still  laughing) 

I'm  laughing  because  —  well,  I  come  here  and  have 
the  time  of  my  life  and  get  paid  for  it !  (Exits  with 
hoi&  to  Vaux,  hut  ignoring  Tom)  (A  slight,  silent 
pause:  Tom  staring  at  the  door  that  closed  on 
Khoda;  Vaux  engaged  on  his  work) 

TOM 

Bah!  (Throwing  his  hrush  across  the  room) 
What's  the  use  —  of  paint,  if  you  haven't  —  genius. 

VAUX 

But  you  don't  know  you  haven't  —  until  you've 
failed  —  and  know  you  have  failed.  (Takes  SavUe's 
palette  and  hrush;  "  dahs  "  his  canvas) 

TOM  (meanly) 

And  when  you  know  that,  you're  forty !      (Crosses 

to  fire-place) 

VAUx  (at  work  07i  SaviWs  picture) 

Yes,  but  meanwhile,  you've  had  the  joy  of  trying. — 
Make  the  most  of  Avhat  you  have !  —  fight  your  best 
with  what  you  have!  —  as  he  did! — (Nods  to 
*'  Quixote  "  j  His  helmet  a  copper  dish-pan :  his 
coat-of-mail  —  forged  from  old  well-chains :  his  leg- 
greaves,  a  couple  of  stove-pipes  from  the  junk-shop: 
his  unvanquished  lance  he  cut  himself  from  a  sturdy 
oak  —  and  poor  Cosinante,  who  bore  him  victor  in 
a   hundred   battles  —  he   got   her  —  in   the   nick   of 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  23 

time  —  from    the    sausage-makers.      (Turning   from 

canvas)     There  1     That's  better. 
TOM  (re-crosses  to  easel)      (angrily) 

Why,    you've    changed  —  taken    out  —  the    face  — 

(Seizes  brush  and  palette  from  Vaux) 
VAux  (kindly) 

Yes,  and  you  keep  it  out ! 
TOM  (impudently) 

Will  I?      (Starts  to  paint) 
VAUX  (zcith  vehemence ) 

Or  get  out!      (With  gesture) 
TOM  (beaten,  but  rather  bewildered  by  Vaux's  outburst) 

If  Rhoda  doesn't  mind,  I  don't  see  why  you  —  (Vau^ 

glares  at  him)  —  but,  of  course,  if  you  feel  that  way ! 

(Puts  doum  brush  and  palette) 
VAUX  (gently) 

You    will,    too  —  when    you're    forty !  —  You    love 

Miss  Brough,  don't  you  ?  — 

TOM 

Rhoda?     Of  course! 

VAUX 

Want  to  make  her  your  wife? 

TOM 

What's  that  to  do  with — ?  (Points  to  picture) 
Plenty  men  —  great  artists  —  have  "  done  "  the 
women   they  married. 

But  they  didn't  think  then  they  were  going  to  marry. 
They'd   tell   you   so  —  the  best   of   them  —  in   their 
cups  —  or  the  twilight. 
TOM  (sulky) 

You  ought  to  be  a  monk,  Vaux  —  not  an  artist ! 


m  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX   (pleasantly) 

Perhaps  I'm  not !  Cheer  up  !  —  till  we  hear  from 
the  Aldermen  —  what  they  think  of  me.  (Goes  up 
stage:  works  on  the  statue)  (Tom  drops  cover 
OT^er  his  canvas:  cleans  brushes,  etc.)  (Enter  Mon~ 
tressor  Watts:  a  typical  literary  hack;  in  the  thir- 
ties: *' seedy''  in  dress,  rather  alcoholic  in  color; 
slightly  bald:  long  drooping  moustache.  He  opens 
the  door  cautiously:  sees  Vaua:  absorbed  in  work,  tip- 
toes to  Tom,  so  as  not  to  be  seen  by  Vau^) 

WATTS  (sotto-voce,  almost  pantomime) 

How  is  he — (Indicates  Vaux)  —  calm?  or  — 
"touchy"? 

TOM 

Watts  !     Are  y oil  always  broke  ? 

WATTS 

No,  no  !  —  His  mood,  I  mean  —  his  mood :  is  he  — 

receptive  ? 
TOM   (frowns   and  shakes  his   head  vigorously:  "  No, 

no  "j  (sotto-voce ) 

Trouble  with  Higgins !   (gestures  distraction)     All 

upset. 
WATTS  (tiptoes  quickly  to  the  door,  where  he  motions 

some  one  back,  then  gum-shoes  up  stage,  and  stands 

back  of  Vaux,  as  if  admiring  his  work.     Vaux  sees 

him  in  tlie  mirror  and  turns) 

VAUX 

Good-afternoon,  Watts. 
WATTS  (urging  him  to  resume  work) 

Go  on !  go  on !  while  the  frenzy  is  with  you  —  unless 
you  can  spare  — 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  25 

VAUX  (interrupting,  as  he  makes  to  take  money  from 
pocket) 
Certainly  — 

WATTS  (jumping  in) 

No,  no  —  a  moment's  all  I  want  —  if  you  can  spare 
a  moment  —  (Takes  folded  newspaper  from  breast- 
pocket, opens  it  and  hands  to  Vau^)  Possibly, 
though,  you've  seen  this  — 

VAUX  (with  delight  and  siir prise) 
Your  portrait? 

WATTS    (assenting) 

In  every  morning-paper  —  to-day  !  ™  And  the  Even- 
ing Post! 

VAUX 

You  are  getting  on!  (Reads,  through  a  single- 
glass)  "  Interview  with  the  famous  writer,  Mon- 
tressor  Watts  "  —  (Pats  Watts  on  shoulder,  approv- 
ingly)    Ah !  talent  will  —  (Gestures  ascending) 

TOM  ( sneeringly ) 
Hot-air,  too ! 

VAUX  (continues  the  reading) 

"  The  brilliant  young  author  of  '  Millions  in  a  Jit- 
ney '  "— 

WATTS  (correcting) 

"  JifFy  "—  Misprint !  — "  IMillions  in  a  JifFy  "— 

VAUX   (continues) 

—  the  book  of  the  hour  —  relates  his  impressions  of 
''The  Royal  Sneeze''— (Turns  to  Watts  bezvil- 
dered)     "The  Royal  Sneeze''? 

WATTS 

That's  a  brand  of  snufF !  —  Just  put  on  sale ! 


26  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

But  you  don't  "  snufF  " ! 

WATTS 

Good  God,  no ! 

VAUX 

Oh,  I  see,  this  is  fiction?  —  I  hope  they  paid  your 
usual  rates. 

WATTS   (protesting) 

Nothing !  Nothing !  Mere  expression  of  my  views  ! 
—  I  couldn't  possibly  accept  remuneration  for  an  in- 
terview.—  But  they  did  pay  handsomely  to  use  my 
portrait.      (Shows  a  roll  of  hills) 

VAUX  (still  reading,  appromngly ) 
H'm !     Style !  —  even  this  has  style ! 

TOM 

What  you  been  doing,  Watts  —  a  "  best  seller  ".'^ 
WATTS   (with  offended  dignity) 

I  hope  not !     "  Best  seller  "  !  —      Rot,  every  one  of 

them !     No  more   style  —  literary   style  —  than   my 

Chinaman's    laundry-bill.     Written    down  —  all    of 

'em,  down  to  the  groundlings. 
TOM  (guying) 

And    you    go    on    writing   up  —  over    their    heads  ? 

Shakespeare  didn't. 

WATTS 

I  should  say  not !  That's  the  one  thing  I  envy  him 
for :  no  illusions  about  his  public  !  Wrote  right  down 
to  their  level  —  every  time. 

TOM 

Why  don't  you? 

WATTS 

I  wish  I  could  bring  myself  to  it  —  write  the  way 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  27 

Shakespeare  did :  (with  disdain)  —  give  the  public 
what  they  want  —  There's  money  in  it ! 

vAux  (looks  at  him  sharply) 
The  snufTs  working! 

WATTS   (apologetic) 

Well,  I  begin  to  wonder  whether  I've  been  quite  just 
toward   this  —  stranger.      (Taps   his   purse-pocket) 

VAUX   (assenting ) 

Improves  on  personal  acquaintance. 

WATTS  ( exidtant ) 

Good !  You  are  receptive !  (Goes  quickly  to  door 
and  opens)  (Calls)  ]\Ir.  Griggs.  (Ushers  in  Mr. 
Griggs)  (Griggs  is  brisk,  sanguine,  forceful  —  and 
uneducated.  His  clothes  —  rather  loud  —  obviously 
from  an  expensive  tailor:  too  much  so  for  correct- 
ness; but  he  bears  the  signs  of  up-to-date  prosperity 
—  including  plenty  of  showy  jewelry) 

WATTS  (presenting  him  —  to  Vaux) 

Mr.  Griggs  —  Mr.  Bruce  Vaux  —  the  sculptor  — ■ 
and  Mr.  Savile  —  a  painter. 

GRIGGS  (extends  hand  to  Vaux) 

My  friend's  —  (Indicates  Watts)  — been  telling  me 
about  your  statue. 

VAUX 

But  didn't  I  see  you,  while  ago,  up  at  City  Hall? 
GRIGGS  (nods  "  yes  "J 

I  was  there  boosting  3^our  "  Ky-oty  "  — 
WATTS  (sotto-voce)      (To  Griggs) 

Qui-ote !  —  Mr.  Griggs  is  a  patron  of  the  Arts. 

VAUX 

You  collect.^ 


28  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

GRIGGS 

Not  SO  much  collect  as  distribute. —  When  I  get  hold 
of  something  beautiful  I  want  to  share  it  with  the 
whole  world  —  from  Maine  to  California  —  the 
Lakes  to  the  Gulf  —  same's  I'm  doing  with  Watts. 

WATTS 

Noble  sentiment! 

GRIGGS 

And     from     what    he    tells     me    about    your    Dan 
O'Keety  — 
WATTS   (correcting:  sotto-voce) 

—  Qui-ote !  —  Qui-ote  !  — 

GRIGGS 

• —  I  don't  believe  a  man  has  a  right  to  monopolize 
such  a  —  a  —  che  —  (Looks  at  Watts  qTiestion- 
ingly) 

WATTS 

Chef-d'oeuvre  — 

GRIGGS 

—  Such  a  che-figger  —  properly  handled  —  would 
do  US  no  end  of  good  —  (Watts  is  disconcerted)  be 
the  making  of  yow. 

WATTS 

Mr.  Vaux  doesn't  think  of  himself  —  in  this  work. — 
I've  told  you,  repeatedly  —  his  motif :  (with  gran- 
diose gesture)  to  relight  the  fires  of  chivalry ! 

GRIGGS 

And  it  sure  will! 
VAUX  (delighted) 
You  think  so? 

GRIGGS 

Sure !  —  if  he's  worked  right. —  I'd  make  him  kind 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  29 

of  moral-bracer  to  the  world  —  from  Portland  M-E 
to  Portland  0-R  —  the  Lakes  to  the  Gulf  —  a  sort 
of  antidote  to  —  most  everything  —  from  Charlie 
Chaplin  to  the  Kaiser.  (Laughs  loudly  at  his  oxen 
joke.  Starts  to  slap  Vaux  on  hack,  hut  changes  his 
mind  at  glare  from  Watts) 

VAUX 

I've  no  such  wild  ambitions, —  though  I  do  hope  for 
some  good  —  from  what  I  cut  in  stone. 

GRIGGS 

Yes,  but  what  use  cut  stone,  if  you  don't  cut  ice? 
Stuck  away  in  some  millionaire's  art-gallery  —  or 
tucked  away  down  here,  it  won't  do  much  good  — 
'cept  among  your  own  bunch  —  who  don't  need  it  — 
from  what  I  hear  about  you. —  You've  got  to  put 
that  where  folks'll  see  it  —  millions   of  them. 

VAUX 

That's  the  intention  of  the  Aldermen  —  if  they  like 
it  —  by  God's  Grace. 

GRIGGS 

I  hope  they  don't  —  for  your  sake !  —  Where'd  they 
put  him? 

VAUX 

The  new  Court  House! 

GRIGGS 

And  who'd  see  him  there?  —  Lawyers!  —  That's  no 

company  for  Mister  Ky-oty  — 
AVATTs  (turns  away  despairingly) 
GRIGGS  (continues) 

—  from   what  your  friend   (Indicates   Watts)   says 

about  him. 


so  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

I'd  prefer  him  in  the  Park  —  some  Public  Square. 
GRIGGS  (protestmg) 

That  means   car-fare  for  most   folks. —  And  they'd 

never  "  get  "  him. —  You  must  hand  it  to  them  —  on 

a  silver  platter. 
VAUX  (bewildered) 

I  —  I  don't  quite  understand  — 

GRIGGS 

Copies !    —    Duplicates    —    Statuettes    —    Plaster- 
Paris  stuff!  —  From  Casco,  Maine,  to  'Frisco,  Cal. 

—  the  Lakes  to  the  Gulf.—  That's  what  I'd  do  with 

—  Mr.    Ky-oty :    make   him    a   house-hold   word !  — 
That's  your  idea,  isn't  it? 

VAUX  (rather  shame-faced) 

I've  had  such  dreams  —  (Lost  m  reverie) 

GRIGGS 

Dreams  don't  get  you  anywhere!  I'll  show  you  the 
real  thing !  —  if  the  Aldermen  don't  "  crab  "  him. 
(Taps  him  on  shoulder)  Just  wake-up  and  put  a 
price  on  your  figger. —  I'll  pay  anything  in  reason. 
VAUX  (fully  awake,  and  excited  —  almost  to  ecstasy) 
You  have  paid,  already :  with  your  zeal  —  en- 
thusiasm —  your  sympathy  and  understanding. — 
That  is  price  enough !  —  I'll  go  up  to  City  Hall  — 

—  at  once  —  and  withdraw  from  the  competition. — 
He  is  yours !  —  (Makes  to  rush  out) 

WATTS  (intervening) 

Before  you  go,  Vaux  —  arrange  with  Mr.  Griggs  — 
the  price. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  31 

VAUX   (xvildly) 

Copies  —  duplicates  —  statuettes  —  my  dream ! 
That's  price  enough  —  the  only  price  ! 

GRIGGS 

Nix !  I'm  not  around  stealing  candy  from  children 
nor  deceiving  the  blind  —  (Takes  out  his  cJwqtie- 
book  and  writes)  Business  is  business !  —  Five 
thousand  dollars  for  the  statue  —  that's  what  you'd 
get  from  the  Aldermen  —  if  you  took  first-prize  — 
five  thousand  dollars  (hands  Vaux  the  cheque,  who 
takes  it  gingerly)  and  ten  cents  royalty  —  (To  the 
others)  —  you  witness  this  —  it'll  go  in  the  contract 
—  ten  cents  royalty  on  every  hundred  cigars. — ■ 
(Gif^es  Vau^  and  others  a  luxurious  cigar) 

vAux  (bracing  himself) 
"Cigars"? 

WATTS   (quickly) 

Mr.  Griggs  is  Envo}^  from  the  Court  of  Lady  Nico- 
tine ! 

GRIGGS 

I  represent  the  Smoker's  Syndicate  —  and  its  allied 
interests. 
WATTS  (explaining) 

Including  "  The  Royal  Sneeze." 

VAUX 

H'm  —  And  you  want  my  statue  to  advertise  your 
wares  ? 

GRIGGS 

No !  No !  I  want  our  wares  to  advertise  your 
statue.  (To  Watts)  You  know  what  we  can  do 
with  his  "Don  Cre-o-soty  ".? 


32  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

vAux  (minces  at  the  blunder) 
WATTS   (correcting,  sotto-voce) 
Qui-ote!     Qui-ote!  !     Qui-ote!  !  ! 

GRIGGS 

We'll  make   another  "  Kewpie  " !  —  of  Mister   Kew- 
poty! 
VAUX  (blankly) 

Will  you?     Indeed? 

GRIGGS 

Yes,  or  a  second  "  Billikens." 

VAUX   (tmnkling)      (To   the  "  dummy  "  with  the  cos- 
tume) 

You  hear  that,  Dulcinea?  They'll  make  your 
knight  a  second  "  Billikens  " !  —  You  think  he'd  like 
that?- — No!  Never!  It  would  be  sacrilege!  — 
(Offers  to  return  cheque  to  Griggs,  who  declines  it) 
I  thank  you  —  but  —  well  —  it's  not  being  done  5 

TOM  ( persuadingly ) 

The  deuce  it  isn't !  Look  at  the  "  Angelus  "  — 
Millet's  master-piece  —  used  to  advertise  a  pianola ! 

GRIGGS 

A  hand-organ  —  only  played  with  your  feet  \ 
VAUX  (protesting ) 

I  shouldn't  want  that  on  my  conscience. 

WATTS 

There's  Millais's  "  Bubbles  "  —  painted  by  order  — 
to  "  puff  "  a  soap. 

VAUX 

Millais  had  a  large  family  —  and  needed  the  money. 
WATTS  (picks  up  an  eye-shade) 

And  this  bit  of  humble  card-board  —  (Puts  it  on  the 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  S3 

head  of  "  the  young  Pericles  "  j  —  advertised  in  every 
optician's  shop  —  by  this  master-work  of  Phidias. 

GRIGGS 

He  doesn't  object! 
vAux  (with  suppressed  humor) 

Nor  shall  I  —  when  I'm  dead  two  thousand  years ! 
—  (Puffing  the  cigar,  with  obvious  delight)  Still, 
this  cigar,  I  admit,  is  worth  a  statue ! 

GRIGGS 

That's  imported!     The  cigar  we  want  to  push  is  our 
own  make  —  the  "  Cachuca." 
VAUX  (staggered) 

Oh,  the  "Cachuca"? 

GRIGGS 

The  "  pet  "  of  the  Trust  —  and  a  knock-out  —  for 
five  cents. 

VAUX 

H'm,  I  see ! 

GRIGGS 

We  want  to  push  its  sale  up  into  the  millions. 

VAUX 

With  the  help  of  my  "  Don  Quixote  "?  —  No,  thank 
you !  —  You  can't  have  it  —  for  the  "  Cachuca  "  ! 
(Thrusts  cheque  on  him) 

GRIGGS 

Why.?     Because  it's  Trust-made.? 

VAUX 

No  !  no !     I've  no  feeling  'gainst  Trusts  —  as  Trusts. 

GRIGGS 

Then,  why.?  —  Because  it's  a  five-cent  cigar? 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


VAUX 

No !  —  Because  it's  a  rotten  bad  cigar  —  your 
Cachuca !  I  smoke  them. —  (Takes  one  from  box, 
and  thrusts  it  at  Griggs)  (With  fervor)  They 
are  the  sign  and  symbol  of  the  very  things  he 
fought  against !  —  The  world  calls  them  wind-mills, 
but  they  were  really  —  in  one  shape  or  other  — : 
Cachucas !  —  I  mean  that  figure  (indicates  the 
statue  —  cut  in  spotless  Carrara  —  to  revive  his 
spirit  in  men  —  the  spirit  of  chivalry  to  the  gentle, 
tender,  helpless  sex !  —  And  you'd  have  him  adver- 
tise your  rude,  cruel,  brutal  —  spread  these  broad- 
cast —  by  the  millions  —  like  an  influenza  !  —  Did 
you  ever  see  a  lady  encounter  a  Cachuca?  Or  think 
of  her  feelings  at  the  mere  approach,  of  one? 
GRIGGS  (laughing) 

I  never  did  think  of  that ! 

VAUX 

That's  the  trouble!  You  don't  think  of  those  soft, 
sensitive,  delicate  creatures :  neither  in  great  crises 
nor  —  cigars.  And  from  «uch  disregard  of  their 
feelings,  comes  all  the  evils  of  modem  life  and 
society!  (Beating  Griggs  down,  with  each  item) 
That's  why  you  have  wars  —  filthy  tenements  — 
(Points  to  the  one  seen  through  window  at  hack)  — 
the  tired,  starved  young  girls  in  shop  and  factory  — 
the  jammed,  reeking  sub- ways  and  tram-cars  —  all 
the  horrors  and  cruelties  of  the  day  —  right  down  to 
your  dirty  milk  at  twelve  cents  and  doubtful  eggs  at 
sixty  I 
GKiGGS  (protesting) 

I  don't  sell  the  milk  and  eggs  I 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  35 

VAUX 

They  are  only  Cachucas  in  other  form  —  And  you 
sell  them! 
GRIGGS  (extending  cheque) 

But  with  this  in  bank,  you  won't  have  to  smoke  'em. 

VAUX 

No  !  But  other  poor  devils  will !  —  And  ladies  must 
smell  them!  —  I'll  not  have  that  on  the  conscience  of 
my  Quixote!  —  Your  Cachuca  is  well  proportioned 

—  securely  rolled  —  and  neatly  varnished, —  and  I 
might  consider  your  offer  —  if  your  powerful  Trust 
can  devise  some  subtle  means  —  to  make  it  out  of 
tobacco  instead  of  sawdust,  shoe-strings  and  fish-oil ! 
(Gives  him  the  "  Cachuca  "  cigar  and  makes  to  exit) 

GRIGGS  (peeved  and  threatening) 

Mr.  Vaux  —  I  always  get  what  I  go  for  —  in  some 
shape  or  other  —  and  I  suppose  we  can  get  some 
kind  of  a  "  Don  Mos-quito  "  —  somewhere. 

VAUX  (turns) 

Doubtless  !     There's  no  patent  on  him  ! 

GRIGGS   (cajolingly) 

I  won't  say  as  good  as  yours ! 

VAUX  (comes  doicn) 

Yes,    yes  —  better  —  some    of    them  —  much    better 

—  for  your  purpose !  Because  so  different  from  my 
Quixote. —  I  see  this  knight  a  joyous,  exultant  soul! 
His  lean,  lithe,  ungainly  form  tense  with  love-of- 
battle  —  for  the  weak  and  helpless. —  His  face,  not 
drawn,  haggard,  rueful  —  but  gay,  smiling,  radiant 
with  victory,  glorified  by  the  holy  cause  that  he 
made  his  own,  against  a  world  grown  careless,  cruel, 
discourteous  to  womanhood !  —  That's  how  I  mean 


36  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

him  to  look  —  by  God's  help !  But  most  "  Don 
Quixotes,"  you'll  find,  in  pen,  paint  or  marble,  look 
like  —  like  —  well,  as  if  they'd  been  smoking  your 
Cachucas  !      (Exits  to  alcove) 

GRIGGS  (to  Watts)      (angrily) 
You  said  he  was  hard-up ! 

WATTS  (assenting) 
Desperately ! 

GRIGGS 

Doesn't  look  so  !  —  (Puts  cheque  vn  pocket)  —  I 
wasn't  prepared  for  this ! 

WATTS 

I  warned  you  —  you'd  need  —  tact. 

GRIGGS 

"Tact?"  —  He  needs  a  strait-jacket!  (Exits, 
slamming  door)  (Watts  and  Tom  follow)  (Vaux 
re-enter  Sy  carrying  a  whiskey-carafe:  gets  from 
"  kitchenette  "  a  small  jar  of  dried  herrings,  and  a 
box  of  crackers;  pours  a  glass  of  the  carafe's  con- 
tents—  cold  tea  —  which  he  is  about  to  drink,  when 
there's  a  knock  at  door) 

VAUX 

Come  !  (Enter  Savile  —  Tom's  father.  He  is  tall 
and  spare:  —  of  strong,  "  iron  "  face;  his  manner 
brusque,  decisive,  domineering;  his  speech,  sharp, 
clear-cut,  rather  rasping) 

VAUX 

Just  in  time,  Mr.  Savile !  —  Join  me.  (Moves  to 
take  up  another  glass) 

SAVILE 

I  don't  drink. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  37 

VAUX 

Not  even  cold  tea  or —  (Offers)  —  a  dried  herring? 
SAViLE  (declining) 

Thank  you.  (Throws  book,  papers,  etc.,  from  chair, 
and  dusts  it  off  before  sitting  down) 

VAUX 

Very  bracing  —  I  learned  in  Japan  —  (Continues 
his  repast)      (SavUe  offers  envelope)     What's  that? 

S  A  VILE 

Tom's    ecote  —  for  the   studio-rent. —  I  brought   it, 
'cause    he    didn't    give    you    last    month's.      (Tosses 
envelope  on  table) 
VAUX  (as  if  to  recall) 
Didn't  he? 

SAVILE 

No! 

VAUX   (apologetic,  for  Tom) 

Lately,  he's  had  several  models  —  sitting. 

SAVILE 

Where?  —  Lafayette  restaurant !  —  Cheque  was 
paid  to  them. —  For  dried  herring?  Or  Spring- 
chicken  ? 

VAUX   (innocently) 

They're  very  nice,  there. 

SAVILE  (glancing  at  picture  on  easel) 
I  see!  —  How's  the  boy  doing? 

VAUX 

Well  enough. 

SAVILE 

"  Well  enough  "  isn't  good  enough ! 


38  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

He's  doing  better  than  most  boys  do  who  don't  have 
to  do.  Tom  has  talent,  and  he'd  go  far,  if  the  going 
were  harder. 

SAVILE 

He'll  find  it  harder,  before  he  gets  through ! 

VAUX 

I  hope  so !  —  I  wish  you  no  ill-luck,  sirj  but  great 
thing  for  Tom  if  you'd  lose  your  health  or  —  money. 

SAVILE 

Do  I  look  like  a  man  who's  going  to? 

VAUX 

No,  no,  no  !  —  Quite  the  contrary  ! 
SAVILE  (with  a  dig  at  Vaux's  frugal  meal) 

If  poverty  is  such  a  sure  road  —  for  artists,  I  won- 
der more  of  'em  don't  get  somewhere.  God  knows 
they're  poor  enough! 

VAUX 

Not  Tom! 

SAVILE 

He  will  be,  if  he  isn't  careful ! 

VAUX 

Trust  your  son  for  that ! 

SAVILE    r  ^O  '') 

I  don't  trust  him. —  That's  why  I  put  him  here,  with 
you.     I  expect  you  to  look  after  him  — 

VAUX 

This  is  a  work-shop,  Mr.  Savile,  not  a  nursery. 
SAVILE  (chuckling  at  his  joke) 

You'd  think  it  was  —  a  nursery, —  from  the  halls, 
full  of  "  dolls  "  and  "  babies." 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  39 

VAUX  (apologetic) 

Jake  has  the  usual  janitor's  family. 

SAVILE 

Vaux,  I  don't  expect  Tom  to  be  a  saint. —  I  wasn't 
at  his  age. 

VAUX 

That  came  later.? 

SAVILE 

I  know  youth  will  have  its  fling,  and  I  don't  mind  his 
having  a  good  time,  down  here,  so  long  as  he  doesn't 
make  a  fool  of  himself  —  and  fall  in  love. 

VAUX 

Can  you  do  one  without  the  other? 

SAVILE 

He's  done  both  —  and  you  know  it ! 

VAUX 

I  know  he's  painting  better, —  since  Miss  Brough 
came  to  us  —  if  that's  in  your  mind. 

SAVILE 

Constantly !     He  talks  of  marrying  her. 

VAUX 

Yes,  he's  talked  to  me. 

SAVILE 

Think  of  it ! 
VAUX  (ruefully) 

I  do  1  —  constantly. 

SAVILE 

My  son  and  that  —  shop-girl !  Who  would  be- 
lieve it.'* 

VAUX 

Any  one  who  knows  her. 


40  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

SAViLE  (staggered) 
What! 

VAUX 

She's  very  lovely:  lovable:  worth  any  man's  love. 

SAVILE 

Let  him  love  her  as  much  as  he  likes  —  but  when  it 
comes  to  marrying  a  rat  of  a  girl  — 
VAUX  (protesting) 
Please,  Mr.  Savile ! 

SAVILE 

Yes,  just  that!  A  girl  any  man  with  a  bit  of  can- 
vas and  a  paint-brush  can  hire  to  show  her  naked 
body  —  (Points  to  Tom's  canvas) 

VAUX  (fearing) 

No!  not  Miss  Brough!  —  Others,  yes,  plenty  of 
them,  sweet  and  pure  as  she  —  lend  their  graces  at 
the  shrine  of  beauty  —  and  neither  take  nor  give 
thought  of  evil. —  But  Rhoda  —  if  she  were  starv- 
ing —  Tom  will  tell  you !  —  no  man  should  see  as 
much  as  one  may  see  at  any  dinner-party  or  ball- 
room of  your  own  world ! 

SAVILE  (^"  hedging  " —  alarmed  hy  Vaux's  fervor) 

I've  nothing  'gainst  the  girl;  she's  not  to  blame  for 
what  she  is. —  But  —  I  want  Tom  to  marry  his  own 
kind  —  a  girl  of  position  —  family  —  wealth. 

VAUX 

Isn't  yours  enough  ?     Fifty  millions  —  they  say  you 
have. 
SAVILE  (deriding) 

"  Fifty  millions  !  "  —  If  I  have  forty,  I'm  doing  well. 

VAUX 

And  as  Tom's  wife.  Miss  Brough  will  do  them  credit. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  41 

SAVILE 

Doubtless  !  —  Born  in  an  alley-tenement,  likely  — 
vAux  r  Yes  'V 

One  of  yours.      (Points  to  tenement  seen  at  hack) 

SAVILE 

And  grew  up  in  the  gutter. —  You  don't  get  a  lily 
from  the  muck-heap ! 

VAUX 

O,  but  you  do,  sometimes !  —  That's  one  of  Nature's 
grim,  delightful  jokes  —  proof  of  God's  magic  —  to 
grow  the  lily  from  the  mire,  and  the  rankest  weed 
in  your  hot-house ! 

SAVILE 

I  don't  want  the  mire  dragged  into  my  home. —  You 
know  this  girl's  origin? 

VAUX 

Her  mother,  I  know,  had  poetry  —  imagination  —  a 
sense  of  music :  she  named  her  child  "  Rhoda  " ! 
(To  himself)     Rhoda ! 

SAVILE 

After  the  "  rowdy  "  father,  maybe !  —  He  was  a  fix- 
ture 'round  here. —  One  of  the  parish-workers  got  me 
his  record  —  when  I  found  what  was  going  on  here 

—  and  was  serious. —  At  times  he'd  have  money  — 
lots  of  it !  —  that  he'd  squander  in  the  wildest  ex- 
travagances —  fine  clothes  —  fast  horses  —  best 
restaurants  —  gay  parties  to  the  shabby  neighbors 

—  spoil  them  with  costly  food  and  champagne  — 
VAUX  (rather  to  himself ) 

"  Champagne?  "  —  I  see  ! 

SAVILE 

And  keep  it  up  till  the  last  dollar  was  gone  !  —  Then, 


42  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

of  course,  the  usual  period  of  credit  —  borrowing  — 
and  poverty  —  down-right  poverty  —  so  even  the 
parish-workers  would  hear  of  it.  And  when  they'd 
go  to  offer  help  Brough  would  order  them  out. 

VAUX 

If  he'd  been  drinking?  — 

SAVILE 

Yes  !  —  If   they   found  him  sober  —  he'd  kick  them 
out! 
VAUX  (rather  to  himself) 

Good !  —  (Savile  disconcerted)  I  mean,  if  he  chose 
that  way  to  spend  what  he  earned  — 

SAVILE  « 

"  Earned  " —  nothing !     Gambled ! 

VAUX 

Wall  Street? 

SAVILE 

Cards  —  horses  —  prize-fights  !  —  And  when  he  was 

hard-up no  other  way  to  get  money  —  he'd  enter 

the  ring  himself !  — 

VAUX 

H'm?  — "Prize-ring"  ? 

SAVILE 

Yes,  and  usually  win. 
VAUX  (as  if  suddenly  enlightened) 

Ah,  that  explains  it !  —  Now  I  see ! 
SAVILE  (gratified) 

I  thought  so ! 

VAUX 

Yes,  I  see  now  —  where  she  got  her  fire,  spirit,  pride, 
courage,  strength  and  wits  to  look  out  for  herself  — 
from  the  prize-ring  man !  —  That  explains  — 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  43 

SAviLE  (interruptmg) 

And  liis  reckless  extravagance  —  gambling,  fancy 
raiment,  fine  food,  rare  wines,  fast  horses  —  that  ex- 
plains something,  too ! 

vAux  (assenting) 

Rhoda's  nice  sense  of  luxury  —  her  natural  love  of 
beautiful  things  —  her  perfect  taste  in  clothes  —  the 
few  she  has  —  the  color,  the  cut,  the  hang  of  them : 
—  the  grace  of  her  walk,  the  turn  of  her  hand,  the 
poise  of  her  head !  —  You  don't  get  that  sort  of 
thing  from  beer  or  ginger-pop !  —  It's  the  cham- 
pagne in  her  blood !  That's  why  she's  so  different 
from  all  the  rest ! 

SAVILE 

"  Different,"  perhaps  —  but  you  know,  Vaux,  what 
these  girls  are  —  down  here  1  —  Just  what  they're 
made  of! 

VAUX 

They're  as  God  made  them !  —  Who  knows  more 
than  that? 

SAVII,E 

You  know  more  of  this  one. 
VAUX  (dubiously) 

N-o! 
SAVILE  (impatiently) 

You  see  enough  of  her  —  every  day. 

VAUX 

Yes  —  and  you  see  the  sunlight,  every  day  —  and 
sometimes  a  rainbow  —  and  a  violet  in  the  florist's 
shop  —  and,  at  night,  a  star  dancing  in  the  skies ; 
but  you  don't  know  what  they're  made  of! 


44  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

SAVILE 

I  know  this  —  I'll  get  no  help  here !     (Makes  to  go) 

VAUX 

Nowhere  !  —  You're  too  late,  Savile. 

SAVILE  (his  good-humor  seemkigly  restored) 

Perhaps  —  but  I'm  glad  to  know  just  what  I'm  up 
against. 

VAUX  (jovialli/,  and  with  crescent  spirit) 

Love  and  youth  —  that's  all  you're  up  against !  — 
Two  young,  eager,  adoring  souls  find  their  mate. — 
And  when  that  happens,  IMr.  Savile  —  we're  too  old 
to  remember  —  you  and  I  —  but  when  it's  a  creature 
like  Rhoda  Brough  —  (Stands  at  piano,  and  plays 
wildly  the  **  Hungarian  Rhapsodie  "J 

SAVILE  (stopping  him) 

You  know,  Vaux,  some  people  think  you're  —  (Taps 
forehead  meaningly ) 

VAUX  (assenting) 
They  say  so ! 

SAVILE 

But  I  don't  believe  you're  —  looney ! 
VAUX  (hows  his  gratitude  and  plays  more  wildly) 

SAVILE 

You're  only  "  moony  "  — 
VAUX  (rather  to  himself) 
"Moony.?" 

SAVILE 

You're  in  love !  —  but  you  don't  know  it ! 
VAUX  (stops  playing) 

What  a  blessing !  —  Not  to  know  it !  with  these ! 
(Indicates  the  wrinkles  on  his  temples)  (Savile 
eocits) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  45 

VAUX  (laughing) 

In  love !  I  wish  no  man  worse  than  that !  —  at  my 
age. —  In  love!  (Looks  in  mirror:  at  wrinkles  of 
his  temples,  the  lines  at  mouth- corners,  the  iron-grey 
of  his  hair,  etc.  Frowns:  then  stamps  his  foot,  as  if 
taking  new  resolution)  Work !  That's  a  blessing, 
too !  (Takes  up  sculptor's  tools)  Work !  You 
duffer !  (Sees  the  "  Dulcinea  "  costume  on  dummy) 
(He  drops  into  a  chair.  The  mallet  falls  from  his 
hand.  He  gazes,  fixedly,  with  a  sad,  wistful  smile, 
on  the  costume  that  recalls  Rhoda)     Work! 

CURTAIN 


ACT  ONE 
[scene  two] 

The  time  is  night  of  the  same  day.  The  scene  is 
lighted  only  hy  the  briUiant  reflector  under  which  Vaux 
works,  and  hy  a  shaded  candle  on  the  small  table  at 
left. 

At  rise  of  curtain  Vaux  is  at  work  on  the  heroic-size 
model,  in  the  alcove.  Higgins,  in  his  suit -of -armor,  at 
the  table  left,  is  arranging  Vaux^s  evening  meal.  He 
pours  hot-water  into  tea-pot. 

HIGGINS 

Tea's  brewing,  Mr.  Vaux.     (Takes  off  part  of  the 

armor) 
VAUX  (indifferently) 

Yes.      (Continues  his  work) 
HIGGINS  (after  a  pause) 

Dinner  is   served,   Mr.   Vaux.      (Doffs  more  of  the 
armor) 
VATjx  (same  tone) 

Yes. 
HIGGINS  (after  a  pause) 

Supper's  getting  cold,  sir.      (More  armor  off) 
VAUX  (absorbed  in  work) 

Warm  it  up  —  warm  it  up  —  for  breakfast.—  Have 

you  dined,  Higgins.?^ 
HIGGINS  (gloomily) 

I  had  no  appetite  for  dinner. 

46 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  47 

VAUX 

Sure  it's  not  the  other  way  about?  —  Take  some! 
HiGGiNS  (lifting  dish-cover) 

Just  enough  for  one,  sir. 
VAUX  (at  work) 

I    can't   eat   now. —  Go   on  —  go   on  !  —  What's   the 

odds! 
HIGGINS   (absent-minded) 

Fifty  —  twenty  —  I  —  I  —  guess  my  wife's  waiting 

at  Pedro's  for  dinner. — 

VAUX 

Don't  keep  a  lady  waiting  —  for  dinner. —  It's  dan- 
gerous !  —  "  doggone  dangerous  "  — 
HIGGINS  (winces  at  the  reminder) 

It's  a  crime,  sir,  but  Mrs.  Higgins  is  used  to  it. 

VAUX 

You'll     find     some  —  dinner  —  in     the    rose-jar:     a 
Pedro  dinner  anyway.      (Higgins  takes  some  money 
from  rose-jar)      I'll  see  that  Cosie  has  hers. 
HIGGINS  (as  he  fills  a  bucket  with  oats) 
It's  ready,  sir. 

VAUX 

You  keep  the  oats  up  here? 

HIGGINS 

Yes,    sir. —  Below,    the    Janitor's    family    eats    'em ! 
They're  vegetarians.      (Makes  to  exit) 

VAUX 

Here!     (Tosses  him  his  over-coat) 
HIGGINS  (hesitating) 

But  you'll  be  going  out-f^ 
VAUX  r  No  "; 

No  more  to-night. 


48  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

HiGGiNS  (as  he  puts  on  coat) 

Mine's  still  —  up-town  —  gettin'  pressed  — 

VAux  (guying  him) 

You  shouldn't  have  it  pressed,  such  weather. — 
'Tisn't  according  to  Hoyle:  his  first  rule  in  poker: 
"  Remember  there'll  be  another  game  some  other 
night  "  —  and  they  may  run  better  —  at  Sheepshead 
or  Saratoga. 

HIGGINS  (shame-faced) 

I  know  it's  —  criminal  —  but  straight  from  the  sta- 
ble, Mr.  Vaux :  —  inside  information.  I  bet  every- 
thing I  had :  —  even  my  dinner. 

VAUX 

You  bet  that  before  you  had  it  —  and  your  wife's 
dinner,  too ! 

HIGGINS 

I  don't  mind  that !     But  I  —  I  —  gave  the  tip  to  — 

a  lady  —  and  almost  got  her  to  plunge  — 
VAUX  (angry) 

"  Plunge,"  Higgins  ? 
HIGGINS  (rather  frightened) 

But  she  didn't,  thank  God !  —  except  four  dollars. 
VAUX  (amused) 

That's  hardly  —  criminal. 

HIGGINS 

I  know  it,  now.  (insisting)  Yes,  sir,  and  I'm  going 
to  give  her  back  the  four  dollars  —  and  say  I 
couldn't  place  the  bet. 

VAUX 

I  don't  think  the  lady  would  like  that. —  But,  Hig- 
gins, no  more  tips  I 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  49 

HIGGINS 

Never,    sir  !  —  I    swear  —  never   again  —  unless   I'm 

ahsolwtely   sure!     (There's    a   knock    at    the   door) 

(Higgins  opens  the  door) 
WATTS  (entering) 

Isn't  vour  phone  in  order? 
VAUX   (pleased) 

Perfect!  —  It's  cut-off:  I  couldn't  stand  the  buzz. 
HIGGINS   (sotto-voce)      (To   Watts) 

Collector's  buzz. 

WATTS 

I  tried  to  call  you  from  the  Lafayette. —  I  met  Gol- 
doni  there  —  one  of  your  rivals,  to-day,  before  the 
Aldermen.      (A   slight   troubled  pause) 
VAUX  (indifferejitli/) 

Yes.^      (Goes  oii  with  his  work) 

WATTS 

I  spoke  with  Schnaubengigl,  too. 

VAUX 

Yes.^  —  Schnauby  say  anything? 

WATTS 

"A  damn  shame,"  he  says  —  those  aldermen! 
HIGGINS  (to  himself) 
They're  a  crime! 

VAUX 

Didn't  he  get  a  prize? 
WATTS  (ernbarrassed) 

Yes,  first  prize  they  gave  him. —  Goldoni  second ! 
VAUX   (staggered  for  a  moment)      (Then,  with  forced 

smile) 

Not  even  "  place  "  for  me,  eh?      (Looks  to  Higgins) 


50  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

HIGGINS 

A  crime ! 

WATTS 

The}^  gave  your  Quixote  "  honorable  mention." 

VAUX 

Well,  as  Higgins  would  put  it,  I  got  a  "  show,"  any- 
way. 
HIGGINS  (tearfidly) 

No,     sir !     You    never    had    a    show, —  with    those 

grafters  at  City  Hall. 
VAUX  (reprovingly) 

Now !     Now !     You're   seeing  wind-mills. 
WATTS  (insisting) 

He's    right !  —  to   keep   "  Don   Quixote  "    from   first 

prize  took  the  devil's  own  work ! 

HIGGINS 

And  he  had  to  be  on  the  job  —  'cause  Miss  Brough's 

been  burning  candles  for  a  month. 
VAUX  (perplexed) 

"Candles?" 
HIGGINS   (nods  "  yes  "j 

To  her  name-saint  —  so  you'd  win.     And  she  bet  on 

you,  too,  with  Mr.  Wills. 
VAUX  (moved) 

I  wish  for  her  sake  —  I'd  —  done  better  work. —  But 

Schnauby's  design  is  hard  to  beat !      (Takes  up  glass 

of  cold  tea)     Here's  to  him !  — 
HIGGINS      (to  Watts) 

It's  criminal!      (Sniffles) 
VAUX  (continuing) 

—  And  his  statue ! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  51 

WATTS  (disgusted) 

Of  Katzenjammer ! 
VAUX  (correcting) 

Kimmel  —  Katzenkimmel !  — 

HIGGIXS 

A  crime  —  crime  ! 

WATTS 

"  Katzen  " —  Never  heard  of  him  ! 

VAUX 

Great  man !  in  his  o\vn  country ! 
WATTS  (disgusted) 

Like  the  other  figure  they  took?  —  Vinichianti? 
VAUX  (prompting) 

Vidivici  ? 

WATTS 

Never  heard  of  him  I 

VAUX 

O,  Vidivici  —  he's  a  —  a  — 

WATTS 

You  never  heard  of  him! 

HIGGINS 

Me  neither ! 

VAUX 

But  some  of  the  Art-Commission,  of  the  Aldermen, 
never  heard  of  "  Don  Quixote  " ! 

WATTS 

That's  what  did  you  !  —  Politics  ! 
VAUX  f"  No  "; 

Wind-mills !     Wind-mills ! 
WATTS  (insisting) 

Politics !  —  I  knew  it  from  the  start !  —  That's  why 


52  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

I   brought   you   Griggs  —  to   fall   back   on !  —  You 
never  had  a  chance! 
VAux  (incredulous ) 
Because  of  politics? 

HIGGINS 

Sure,  Mr.  Vaux !  —  What's  the  Spanish  vote  in  this 
town  'gainst  the  millions  of  Schnaubengigls  —  or  the 
barber  vote  —  and  bananas? 
VAUX  (dismissing  the  idea) 

The  best  man  won !  —  and  I'm  glad  —  for  their 
wives,  mothers,  sweethearts  —  families. —  Schnau- 
bengigl  has  a  family? 

HIGGINS 

Several !      (Sidles  over  to  rose-jar) 

WATTS 

One  of  'em's  with  him  now,  at  the  Lafayette. 
VAUX  (sharply,  as  he  catches  Higgvns  replacing  money 

in  rose-jar) 

What  you  up  to? 
HIGGINS  (sniffling) 

I  can't  eat  to-night:  I'd  choke  myself. 
VAUX  (touched) 

But  Mrs.  Higgins  will  want  to  eat. 

HIGGINS 

I'd  choke  her!  —  She  loves  you,  Mr.  Vaux.  (Ruhs 
his  eyes)  She  couldn't  eat,  after  tliis  — 'specially 
no  table-d'hote. 

WATTS 

No  more  could  I,  Higgins. —  Try  a  real  dinner. 
(Shoves  a  hill  in  Higgins'  pochet)      (Higgins  exits) 

VAUX 

Fine      character,      that !  — beautiful !     (Hand      on 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  53 

Watts'  shoulder)  And  —  with  chaps  like  you  —  a 
beautiful  world! 

WATTS 

Not  to  ine,  unless  you'll  listen  now,  to  —  reason  and 

—  sense. 

VAUX 

Dollars  and  cents? 

WATTS 

S-e-n-s-e  — 

VAUX 

That  spells  "  Griggs." 

WATTS 

You  sure  it  isn't  pride  —  vanity  ? 

VAUX 

I'm  quite  sure  it  —  is! 

WATTS 

They're  costly  luxuries ! 

VAUX 

Yes,  but  I  have  so  few,  now-a-days  —  I  cling  to 
them  —  (Hand  on  fine  chair)  - —  like  to  my  antiques. 

—  xVnd  3^ou  wouldn't  have  me  give  them  up.^ 

WATTS 

Just  this  once  !  —  Get  into  the  game !  —  Put  pride  in 
your  snuff -pocket  —  as  I  did  —  along  with  more 
money  —  (Taps  his  pocket)  —  than  I  ever  dreamed 
was  in  town ! 

VAUX  (regretfidly) 
The  snuff's  working! 

WATTS   (assenting) 

Working  for  me  —  from  Maine  to  Cal  —  etcetera ! 
People  who  never  heard  of  Don  Quixote  nor  Bruce 
Vaux  —  great  as  he  is  !  —  to-day  know  Montressor 


54  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

Watts !  (Picks  up  news-paper  containing  his  por- 
trait) 

VAUX 

Already  ? 

WATTS 

Rich  and  famous ! 

VAUX 

Your  friends  will  rejoice. 
WATTS  (with  laugh  of  bitterness) 

Yes  1  —  I  just  left  a  group  at  the  Lafayette.  They 
hadn't  seen  the  papers  —  O,  no  !  —  but  they  saw  the 
waiters  !  —  head-waiters,  even  !  pester  me  with  atten- 
tions :  whisper  some  "  specialty  " —  the  very  fellows 

—  who'd  always  snort  at  my  order  of  "  small  sirloin 
and  French-fried." —  To  get  rid  of  'em  I  had  to, — 
well,  you  know  how  you  scatter  powder,  to  drive  off 

—  things  1 
VAUX  (laughing) 

And  that's  the  "  game  "  I  should  get  into?  —  What 

could  it  give  me  I  haven't  now? 
WATTS   (lightly) 

For  one  thing  —  the  telephone  ! 
VAUX  (eyes  heavenward) 

Then,  O  Lord,  keep  me  poor ! 

WATTS 

That's  only  one  of  a  thousand  things  that  you  could 
have  now, —  for  ease,  comfort,  luxury :  the  best  of 
wines  —  decent  food  — "  purple  and  fine-linen  " — 
theatres  —  opera  —  a  car  —  all  the  luxuries  that 
even  the  "  mutts  "  have  now-a-days !  —  I'm  going 
after  them ! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  55 

vAux  (laughing) 

You  think  it's  worth  the  powder?  —  Griggs'  punk? 
(Takes  **  Cachucas  '*  from  box) 

WATTS 

I'm  thinking  only  of  your  good ! 

VAUX 

As  you  see  it!  —  But  you're  drunk — (Watts 
startled)  —  with  snufF !  It's  gone  to  your  head  — 
"  The  Royal  Sneeze  "  — from  your  pocket. —  It 
would  mine. —  We're  not  used  to  — "  snufF." —  It's  a 
drug:  makes  people  insane! 

WATTS 

I'll  never  rest  till  you're  insane  —  that  way.  (Un- 
seen hy  Vaux,  he  drops  a  roll  of  bills  into  the  rose- 
jar) 

VAUX 

The  day  I'm  insane  "  that  way  " — you'll  know  I'm 
crazy  —  really  crazy,  so  I'll  run  amuck  —  (Poises 
his  mallet  threateningly)  —  smash  that  Quixote  into 
smithereens  —  and  beat  my  poor,  crazy  brains  out 
on  the  wreckage  —  before  Griggs  can  use  him  for  a 
sign-post,  with  a  "  Cachuca "  stuck  in  his  mouth. 
(Watts  takes  a  "  Cachwca  "  from  the  box:  lights  it^ 
and  it  flares  like  a  torch;  he  throws  it  angrily  into 
the  gold-fish  aquarium  on  table,  where  it  continues  to 
burn)      (Watts  blows  on  his  scorched  fingers) 

WATTS 

I  understand  how  you  feel !  And  you're  right ! 
You  always  are  —  in  such  matters. —  And  you're  a 
bit  worse  than  usual  to-night. —  But  I  know,  too, 
what  it  means  to  create  a  master-piece,  and  then 
have  it  stick  around,  like  a  sore  finger. —  Come  on, 


56  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

let's  get  out  of  here !  —  We'll  go  over  to  Pedro's. — 
No,  the  Lafayette  —  while  the  crowd's  there. —  And 
well  make  a  night  of  it ! 

VAUX 

Par  example.^ 

WATTS 

Well,  first  off,  get  boiling  drunk:  then  have  dinner 
and  — 
VAUX  (gestures  disinclination) 

WATTS 

Don't  feel  like  it,  eh? 
VAUX  (dubiously) 

Not  like  —  dinner. —  Some  other  time,  Watts  — 
(Makes  to  proceed  with  his  work) 

W^ATTS 

Hang  it,  I  can't  eat  alone  —  to-night  —  dine  en- 
prince  —  with  all  this  luck !  —  You  suppose  Miss 
Brough  would  dine  with  me.'^ 

VAUX 

Delighted !  —  Go  find  her !  —  And  try  to  get  hold  of 
Tom  Savile !  —  I'm  sure  she'd  like  him  along. 
(Crosses  to  window) 

WATTS  (with  a  sour  face)      (Looks  at  his  watch) 
I'm  sure  I  wouldn't  —  find  her  in  now. 

VAUX  (still  at  window) 

Yes,  yes !  she's  at  home !  —  There's  light  in  her  win- 
dow!-—  Be  ofF!  I  must  get  on  the  job!  (Watts 
exits) 

(Vaux,  alone,  resumes  his  work)  (From  the  res- 
taurant near-by  is  heard  a  fascvnating  Spanish  waltz: 
Vaux  unconsciously  nods  his  head  vn  rhythm  with  the 
dance y  and  hums  the  tu/ne)     (A  policema/n*s  whistle 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  57 

sounds  in  the  street:  is  repeated;  then  a  pistol-shot 
rings  out:  a  •window-pane,  at  right,  is  shattered:  also 
the  shade  of  the  lamp  under  which  Vaux  stands,  and 
the  light  extinguished) 
VAUX  (startled,  staggered) 

What  the  devil  — !  (Crosses  to  broken  window, 
where  the  curtain  blows)  (Re-crosses:  strikes  a 
match,  to  examine  tlie  lamp:  exits  to  room  at  left 
where  you  hear  him  calling:) 

''  Jake !  —  O,  Jake  !  —  Send  up  a  bulb !  —  eleck- 
trisches !  —  and  a  candle."  (Then  the  rumble  of  a 
dumb-waiter:  and  Jake's  voice,  with  his  customary 
German  exclamations )      (A  pause) 

(Rhoda  enters,  in  the  darkness  —  at  door  left:  she 
is  breathless,  panicky,  distracted:  she  holds  the  door 
slightly  ajar — but  so  that  no  light  from  the  hall 
falls  on  her:  —  her  presence  is  only  felt,  not  seen. 
The  street-door,  below,  bangs:  there  follow  heavy 
foot-steps,  and  voices:  *' She's  here  —  she  ran  in 
here,''  etc. —  Rhoda  shuts  the  door  quickly,  but  si- 
lently: turns  the  key  and  pushes  the  bolt  —  a  con- 
spicuous wooden  affair.  The  voices  grow  louder  — 
seem  approaching:  and  Rhoda,  after  a  frightened 
glance  about  the  room,  rushes  into  alcove,  and  on 
the  way  loses  a  low-shoe  —  much  like  a  slipper) 
(Vaux  re-enters,  with  a  lighted  candle:  starts  to  re- 
adjust the  lamp:  the  noises  in  the  hall  below  resume: 
Vaux  listens:  hears  Jake's  voice,  with  the  usual 
"  Donnerwetter,"  etc.  Crosses  to  door:  shows  sur- 
prise on  finding  it  locked  and  bolted:  looks  about, 
bewildered,  and  sees  slipper;  picks  it  up  —  stUl  more 
perplexed.     All  the  while,  the  noi^e  in  the  hall-way 


58  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

continues:  doors  open  and  close:  murmur  of  voices 
saying:  "No,  no  —  no  one  came  here,'"'  etc.) 
( There* s  a  knock  at  the  door:  and  the  knob  tried 
repeatedly )  (Vau^  takes  up  lance,  then  crosses  and 
silently  wnholts  door:  picks  up  hook  —  copy  of 
"  Don  Quixote.'*  With  lance  on  shoulder  he  struts 
to  and  fro  —  rather  jauntily  —  like  a  knight-errant 
keeping  his  "  watch-on-arms  ";  he  holds  m  front  of 
his  eyes  the  copy  of  "  Don  Quixote  "  from  which  he 
reads  silently;  his  moving  lips  and  brows,  his  chang- 
ing expression  of  features,  shifting  from  smiles  to 
frowns,  show  his  intense  interest. —  There's  another 
knock  at  door:  then  it  opens.  Romans,  a  private- 
agency  officer  in  "  plain-clothes,**  and  a  policeman,  in 
uniform,  enter.  Vaux  takes  no  notice  of  them. 
They  stand  dumbfounded  as  Vaux  reads  aloud,  with 
fire  of  tone  and  gesture) 

VAUX 

"  He  leaped  from  his  cot :  seized  his  lance  —  made  to 
thrust  —  whereon  the  spectres  vanished :  Greed, 
Cruelty,  Injustice,  Tyranny!  —  fled  before  his 
glance. —  Instead,  he  saw  the  Angel  of  Peace,  'gainst 
whom  he  leaned  faintly,  as  he  smiled  farewell 
to  those  about  him. —  Good-bye,  sweet  memories ; 
good-bye,  pleasant  fancies ;  good-bye,  merry  friends, 
for  I  perceive  I  am  dying,  in  the  wish  to  see  you 
happy  in  the  other  life."  Those  were  his  last  words : 
Don  Quixote's!  —  Beautiful,  don't  you  think.? 
(During  the  above  speech  the  policeman  has  touched 
his  forehead  once  or  trmce,  and  winked  to  Romans) 
HOMANs  (as  he  takes  the  book  from  Vaux*s  hand,  and 
tosses  it  on  table) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  59 

Very  fine  —  but  —  when  we  knocked,  just  now,  the 
door  was  locked, —  bolted. —  Why?     Why? 

VAUX 

Why  not? — Why  not  bolt  doors  —  draw  the  bridge 
that  spans  the  moat  —  call  my  men-at-arms  —  when 
my  castle  is  attacked? 

POLICEMAN 

Well,  you  see,  Mr.  Vaux  —  that's  the  name  on  your 
door  —  we're  after  some  one  who  came  in  here  — 

VAUX 

Came  in  here? 

POLICEMAN 

Some  woman. 

VAUX   (correcting,  gently) 

Lady  —  if  you  please  —  lady  ! 

POLICEMAN  (good  naturedly ) 

"  Lady,"  then,  if  you  don't  like  "  woman  " —  but  my 
daughter's  in  the  High  School,  and  she  says 
"  woman's  "  good  grammar. 

VAUX  (assenting) 

"  Good  grammar,"  maybe :  but  bad  manners  — 'spe- 
cially from  the  Law.  (Bows  to  policeman)  And 
whom  did  she  murder  —  this  lady?  —  I  heard  the 
shot. 

POLICEMAN 

Nothing  like   that :   that  shot  was   only   a  warning. 
It's  a  case  of  "  street-walking." 
VAUX  (staggered) 

That  is  bad  —  for  a  lady :  "  street-walking  "  !  She 
should  keep  to  the  side-walk  —  and  lucky  then,  to 
escape  those  brutal  chauffeurs.  I'm  glad  you  dis- 
courage street-walking. 


60  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

HOMANS 

And  soliciting!  —  Get  that? 
VAux  (appears  too  dazed  to  notice) 

POLICEMAN 

She  spoke  to  this  gentleman. 

VAUX 

Doubtless  mistook  him  for  one  —  she  knew. 

POMCEJMAN 

What  did  she  say  to  you.'' 

HOMANS 

Usual  thing :  "  Good-evening,  dearie." 
VAUX  (jovially) 

Greeting  of  some  kindly  soul,  to  cheer  your  way,  this 
stormy  night.  I'm  often  honored  so  —  and,  doubt- 
less, you,  too,  officer.? 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right! 

VAUX 

'Tis  the  custom  of  our  ladies,  this  part  of  town. — 
And,  if  the  dear  creature  should  chance  to  overlook 
me,  in  passing,  I  make  bold  to  remind  her  by  smile 
or  nod.  And  she'll  respond,  always,  unless  she  be 
some  timid  fawn,  unused  to  our  ways. —  You  know 
that,  officer. 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right ! 

HOMANS 

But  this  —  lady  —  grabbed  my  pin  —  (Hand  on 
tie)      (To  policeman)     I  told  you. 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right !  —  (To  Vatix)  He  told  me,  'twas  a 
hold-up. —  And  fired  a  shot. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  61 

VAUX 

And  she  ran,  of  course  —  like  the  frightened  gazelle 
of  poet's  fancy. 

HOMANS 

Well,  where  is  this  fancy  gazabo  ?     Tell  us ! 
VAUX  (absently,  as  if  to  himself) 

"  Tell  me:  where  does  fancy  lie  -—  in  the  heart  or  in 

the  eye?" 
HOMANS  (with  threatening  gesture) 

In  the  eye  —  if  you  don't  tell  us  where  she  is  —  and 

quick! — (The  policeman  intervenes:  signals  caution, 

taps  his  forehead) 
VAUX  (as  if  dazed) 

What  are  you? 

HOMANS 

Can't  you  see  what  we  are? 

VAUX 

That?  —  Yes!      (Indicating   policeman)     The   Law 

—  in  all  its  majesty!  —  But  this — (Jabs  Romans 

vigorously )  —  wind-mill !  wind-mill ! 
HOMANS  (angrily) 

Now,  for  the  last  time  —  where  have  you  hid  that 

damned  little — ? 
VAUX   (instantly  claps  his  hand  over  Romans^  mouth, 

and  grips  his  face  so  he  canH  move) 
POLICEMAN  (intervening) 

For  half-a-cent,  I'd  arrest  you ! 
VAUX  (having  loosened  his  hold  on  Romans) 

I'd  deserve  it  —  for  discourtesy  to  a  guest.     I'd  ask 

his  pardon  only  —  he's  such  a  blackguard ! 

HOMANS 

Come  along,  officer.      (Makes  to  enter  alcove) 


6a  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX  (intervening;  with  lance  at  rest) 
You  can't  go  there. —  That's  my  shrine. 

HOMANS 

We're  going  to  search  this  place,  from  top  to  bot- 
tom. 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right! 

VAUX 

Then  you  have  a  search-warrant? 

HOMANS 

Yes  I  (Pretends  to  take  document  from  breast- 
pocket) 

VAUX 

Show  it,  please. 

HOMANS 

I  don't  have  to  show  —  (Tries  to  push  by) 
VAUX  (puts  his  hand  grippingly  on  shoulder) 
Show  it ! 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right !  —  You  got  to  show  the  warrant. 
HOMANS  (disgusted) 
Since  when? 

VAUX 

Since  the  time  of  King  John  —  and  Magna-Charta ! 
— 1215!  (Homans  looks  to  officer  for  corrobora- 
tion) 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right !  —  "A  man's  house  is  his  castle  "  my 
daughter  says. —  We  can't  go  through  it,  without  a 
writ-of-search.  (To  Vauw  —  with  deference)  Un- 
less, maybe,  this  gentleman  will  forget  his  legal  rights 
and    permit    me  —  to    look    around  —  as    a    guest. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  63 

(The  curtains  of  the  alcove  move,  as  if  blown  by  an 
opened  window:  Vaux  notes  it) 

vAux   (promptly,  with  deep  bow) 

My  house  is  yours,  Sefior.  Hospitality  stands  not 
on  the  letter  of  the  law.  (Goes  to  picture,  set  in 
double  panel,  at  right:  touches  a  button,  and  the 
panel  divides  showing  the  "  kitchenette '')  The 
cuisine  —  butler's-pantry  —  and  wine-cellar.  I  rec- 
ommend this  sherry  —  (Holds  up  bottle  of  milk)  — 
Amontillado — '73  —  a  comet  year.  (Vaux  goes  up 
stage  to  curtains) 

HOMANs  (touching  forehead  significantly) 
Up  here? 

POLICEMAN  (shakes  head  *'  no  '*j 

Not  down  here  !  They're  all  like  that  —  my  daugh- 
ter says  —  this  part  of  town  — 

VAUX  (drawing  open  curtains  of  alcove) 

The  work-room !  —  (The  deep  alcove  is  in  darkness 
save  for  the  moonlight  that  falls  through  the  sky- 
light and  illumines  the  equestrian  statue.  The 
French  windows  at  back  of  alcove  —  or  at  a  diag- 
onal, if  the  construction  of  the  scene  permits  —  is 
opened:  beyond  is  seen  the  rear  of  a  dilapidated  tene- 
ment house) 

HOMANS  (with  suspicion) 

That  window's  open  —  (Goes  to  window) 

VAUX  (assenting) 
For  Cosie. 

HOMANS 

"Cosie?" 

VAUX 

My  favorite  model !  —  Her  shed  is  below  —  and  we 


64  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

send  down  her  meals  on  a  rope  —  (Indicates  a 
bucket  f  with  rope  attached  to  handle)  (Then 
crosses  to  left) 

HOMANs  (comes  domn  from  window,  holding  Rhoda*s 
hut  —  the  Tam-o'-shanter  —  behind  his  back:  shows 
it  to  'policeman,  unseen  by  Vauw) 

VAUX  (touches  button,  at  left:  the  mirror  slides  from 
its  frame,  disclosing  a  bed-room) 
The  bed-chamber! —  (To  policeman)  You'll 
sleep  well,  Senor,  when  you've  dined  —  (Shows  din- 
ner on  table)  —  by  this  fire  of  cedar  logs.  (Places 
big  chair  before  -fire-place)  (He  looks  about  uncer- 
tainly, till  he  finds  his  umbrella:  then  seizes  Rhoda^s 
hat  from  Romans,  puts  it  on,  quite  as  if  it  were  his 
own  regular  head-wear,  and  makes  to  go) 

HOMANS 

Where  you  off  to  ? 

VAUX 

To  look  for  bail  —  (Rubs  his  forehead,  in  troubled 
thought)  —  somewhere  —  to  provide  for  her  instant 
release  —  somehow  —  in  case  you  find  this  unhappy 
lady  (distracted)  I  must  find  bail  —  somewhere  — 

HOMANS  (barring  his  exit) 
Cash  bail  —  or  —  what  ? 

VAUX  (jumping  at  the  suggestion) 

Watts,  of  course!  (Jabs  Homans)  Watts,  thank 
you !  —  Watts  !      (Exits) 

poiLTCEMAN  (toucMng  forehead) 
That's  right ! 

HOMANS  (disgusted) 

He's  not  too  crazy  to  put  one  over  on  us. —  He  was 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  65 

stalling,  for  her  get-away.  (Nods  toward  window) 
(Angrily)     Go  after  him !  —     Run  him  in  ! 

POLICEMAN  (begins  to  eat  Vaiix^s  dinner) 

Go  slow!  —  I  just  got  out  of  the  Bronx  —  through 
a  shake-up  in  this  precinct. —  Over  same  sort  o'  case, 
too. —  It  was  meat-and-drink  for  the  Societies  —  and 
pie  for  the  Sob-Sisters. —  And  the  Commissioner 
backed  'em  up !  —  (Begins  eating  a  large  chop)  — • 
This  fellow's  hoppy  all  right  —  but  he's  no  hick. 
And  some  of  these  gu3's  'round  here  have  friends  — 
where  you'd  least  expect  it !  —  There's  big  swells 
from  Fifth  Avenue  have  rooms  down  here ! 

HOMANS  ( sneeringly ) 
What  for.? 

POLICEMAN 

To  work  —  my  daughter  says. —  Some  of  'em  have 
good  nuts  —  (Taps  head)  —  and  want  to  use  'em. 
They  can't  work  up  there,  in  the  lobster  district  — 
account  the  "  atmosphere." 

HOMANS 

They  won't  stand  for  the  "  Hello  dearie's !  " 

POLICEMAN 

They  won't  cry  "  bloody  murder !  "  and  fire  guns ! 
—  You'd  think  you  was  some  bloomin'  cereal  —  like 
my  girl  tells  about;  night-bloomin'-cereal :  speak  to 
'em  rough  and  they  close-up  —  and  die  for  another 
century.      (Suspiciously)     What's  in  this,  anyway.? 

HOMANS 

Something  in  it  for  you,  if  you  get  this  "  skirt." 

POLICEMAN 

That's  easy  !  —  They  probably  got  her  now  —  after 


66  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

that  shot. —  And  if  they  didn't,  I'll  pick  her  up  to- 
morrow. 

HOMANS 

That  right? 

POLICEMAN 

Sure !  —  Just  go  to  night-court  —  swear  out  a  war- 
rant —  I'll  serve  it  to-morrow. 

HOMANS 

Early? 

POLICEMAN 

I  don't  know  how  early. —  I  got  to  go  to  Confession, 
in  the  morning,  and  that  may  take  some  time. —  You 
just  get  the  warrant  —  I'll  'tend  to  the  rest. 
HOMANS  (pretending  ignorance) 
What  name? 

POLICEMAN 

"  Jane  Doe." —  If  the  Judge  is  fussy  —  you  know 
they  don't  like  you  out-side  sleuths  —  tell  him  to 
hold  the  warrant  till  I  come  for  it.     He  knows  me. 

HOMANS 

I'll  make  the  charge  "  soliciting  " — 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right  — 
HO'MANs  (continuing) 
—  and  attempt  to  rob. 

POLICEMAN 

No! 

HOMANS 

Why    not  ?  —     There's     the    evidence !     (Shows    a 
diamond-cluster  pin) 
POLICEMAN  (turns  pin  about  admiringly/) 
Real  stuff? 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  67 

HOMAXS 

Hocks  for  a  hundred. 

POLICEMAN 

That'd  make  it  grand-larceny  —  and  five  years. 
HOMAXs    (assenting,  •with  meaning) 

Unless  she  skips  out,  after  we  get  the  warrant. 

POLICEMAN 

You're  sure  she  tried  to  pinch  this.^^ 

HOMANS 

I  had  it  when  she  tackled  me,  and  —  (Puts  the  pin 
in  the  oncers  coat-pocket)  I  haven't  got  it  now, 
have  I? 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right ;  you  haven't  got  it  now. —  But  that's 
some  ring  you  have  there — (Admires  it)  Three 
sparks ! 

HOMANS 

Goes  with  pin. 

POLICEMAN 

I'll  bet  3^ou  have  suspender-buttons  to  match  —  like 
that  fellow  on  Broadway. 

HOMANS 

Not  quite  so  bad  —  but  —  I  work  for  "  big  "  people. 

POLICEMAN 

And  you  don't  work  for  nothing  —  eh.'' 

HOMANS 

Do  yon?  —  You  know  you  can't  live  for  notliing 
now-a-days. 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right! 

HOMANS 

'Specially  when  you  have  a  girl  at  college, — 


68  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

POLICEMAN 

What  they  spend  on  fudge  used  to  keep  a  family! 
HOMANs  (indicating  ring) 

This  would  keep  a  college  in  fudge. 

POLICEMAN 

That's    right.      (Adjusting    pin,    in    mirror)     The 
ring  does  go  with  this ! 

HOMANS 

Yes  —  and  that  goes  ! 
POLICEMAN  (looking  at  pin,  dubiously) 

Opal,  isn't  it? 
HOMANS  (assenting) 

From  Tiffany's. 
POLICEMAN  (makes  to  hand  it  back) 

My  daughter  says  they're  unlucky  —  opals. 

HOMANS 

Not  with  diamonds   all  around !  —     They  take  the 
curse  off. 

POLICEMAN 

Maybe  that's  right. —     Anyway,  I'll  take  a  chance. 
(Pockets  the  pin) 
VAUx  (re-entering) 
Well,  gentlemen.^ 

HOMANS 

"  Well  "       nothing !     She's       got       away  —  your 
"  lady  "— 

VAUX 

I  congratulate  you. 
HOMANS  (surly) 

Thanks ! 
VAUX  (disregarding  him —  turns  to  officer) 

This    gentleman  —  who    spoke    of    his    daughter. — 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  69 

I'm  sure  he  can't  enjoy  the  work  cut  out  for  him  — 

POLICEMAN 

We  have  our  orders,  boss  —  and,  you  know,  if  there's 
been  a  mistake,  about  a  girl,  the  Judge  lets  her  go  — 
and  no  harm  done. 

VAUX 

"  No  harm  done  "? 

HOMANS 

If  there's  nothing  on  the  girl,  no ! 

VAUX 

The  mark  of  the  Law  —  is  on  her !  —  your  finger- 
prints of  suspicion  and  slander !  —  And  the  cleaner 
her  life,  the  viler  they  show. —  You  call  it  nothing  to 
drag  a  fair  name  into  the  mud  of  the  night-courts  — 
or  even  touch  it  with  the  breath  of  suspicion  ?  Why, 
sir,  once  the  Law  lifts  the  veil  of  Innocence  —  and 
the  harm  is  done. —  Thereafter,  '*  though  she  be 
chaste  as  ice,  pure  as  snow,  yet  will  she  not  escape 
calumny!" — Doesn't  Hamlet  observe  to  Ophelia.? 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right! 

VAUX 

I  thank  you. —  (Ofering  book  to  officer)  Will  you 
honor  me? 

POLICEMAN   (declining) 

'Gainst  the  rules,  boss,  to  take  things. 

VAUX  (insisting) 

A  trifle  —  my  favorite  copy  of  —  (Twinkling)  — 
"  Dan  O'Qui-ty  "  !  —  You've  read  it,  doubtless,  but 
read  it  again  —  and  again  —  until  you  have  it  by 
heart.  Make  it  your  companion  —  this  story  of 
"  The  Perfect   Policeman."     It's    a  school   of   man- 


70  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

ners,  a  code  of  true  courtesy,  a  guide  to  right  and 
honor. —  It  is  one  of  the  three  books  the  world  could 
least  afford  to  lose.  Read  it  —  and  re-read  it  — 
until  it  becomes  a  very  part  of  yourself;  and  then 
you'll  come  pretty  near  being  as  fine  a  gentleman 
as  a  man  can  who  —  who  —  well,  who  must  chase 
gentle  womanhood  through  the  streets. —  (To 
Homans)     And  you,  sir  —  (Gives  Jiim  a  cigar) 

HOMANs  (declining) 
I  don't  use  tobacco. 

VAUX  (thrusting  cigar  on  him) 

Then  you'll  enjoy  the  Cachuca !  (Ofjficer  and 
Homans  exeunt:  Vaux  listens  at  door  to  their  retreat- 
ing steps) 

RHODA   (motionless  on  horse,  in  suit-of -armor) 
Have  they  gone.^^ 

VAUX 

Dear  lady ! 

RHODA  (dismounts:  comes  down  the  platform  steps,  tak- 
ing off  the  armor) 
Please,  forgive  me ! 

VAUX  (zcith  gesture  of  silence) 

Wait !  —  They  may  be  —  (Nods  toward  hall) 
(Listens  till  the  street-door  hangs)  No,  they've 
gone! 

RHODA 

What  a  fool  —  to  lose  my  head  like  that !  —  (Apolo- 
getic) —  And  to  run  in  here  ! 

VAUX 

Where  else? 
RHODA  (she  is  utterly  wrought-up:  unnerved:  panicky: 
almost  breathless ) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  71 

You  don't  mind?  —  But  —  that  girl  in  our  shop  — 
my  room-mate —  (touches  the  mourning-hand  on  her 
sleeve) — sweet,  decent  girl  —  just  like  this  —  it 
was :  man  spoke  to  her  on  the  street ;  she  ran, 
but  they  caught  her  and  took  her  to  court.  When 
the  Judge  heard  the  story,  he  said  it  was  a  wicked 
shame:  made  the  officer  own-up  it  was  a  mistake. 
The  papers  took  it  up  —  the  Societies,  too  —  had 
the  officer  dismissed ;  —  the  girl  was  cleared  of  the 
tiniest  suspicion ; —  but  she  couldn't  get  over  it. — 
She  was  going  to  marry  —  nice  fellow  —  he  worried 
about  it  —  questioned  her,  over  and  over  —  till,  one 
day  —  she  —  (Breaks  clow-n) 

VAUX 

I  know !  —  Killed  herself  —  It's  for  her  you 
wear — ?     (Indicates  mourning-hand  on  her  sleeire) 

EHODA  (nodding  "  yes  '*) 

All  the  girls  —  in  the  shop. —  She  was  the  dearest 
thing !  —  It  all  came  back  —  moment  that  man  spoke 
to  me  —  and  I  saw  who  it  was. 

VAUX 

You've  seen  him  before.^ 
EHODA    (promptly) 

Yes !  —  Last  night,  and  once  before,  I  remember,  he 
stood  at  the  corner  —  and  tipped  his  hat.  He's 
been  in  the  shop,  too  —  at  my  counter  —  and  tried 
to  make  conversation. —  I  wouldn't  wait  on  him  — 
and  he  asked  the  other  girls  about  me. —  Just  now 
—  I'd  gone  out  to  get  my  supper — (Indicates 
paper-hag  of  stuff)  —  and  suddenl}^  he  was  along- 
side of  me. 


72  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

Spoke  to  you? 
EHODA  (nodding  "  yes  *') 

"  Hello,  dearie !  " —  and  "  could  he  carry  that  for 
me?  "  —  I  pretended  not  to  notice,  and  walked  faster 

—  that  usually  stops  them.     But  he  kept  right  after 

—  talking  —  and  tried  to  put  his  arm  through 
mine. — 

VAUX  (rather  to  himself) 
The  dog! 

RHODA 

When  I  drew  'way,  he  grabbed  my  hand  — 

VAUX 

The  beast ! 

RHODA 

I  cried :  "  let  go,"  and  he  said  "  not  till  I  spoke  to 
him  " —  and  he  began  to  drag  me  along,  all  the  time 
pressing  my  hand  tighter  and  tighter  — 
VAUX  (louder) 
The  brute! 

RHODA 

I   screamed  with  pain  —  and   then  he   crushed   and 
bent  my  hand,  till  I  gasped  —  couldn't  —  breathe  — 
VAUX  (explosive) 

The  monster !  (Takes  her  hand)  Your  bare  hands, 
too! 

RHODA 

No,  I  had  on  gloves  —  (Shows  them)  Perfectly 
good  gloves,  too !  (Throws  them  into  the  fire-place) 
That  I  wouldn't  even  give  away  after  that  —  (Shud- 
ders)    Only  for  the  gloves,  he'd  have  — 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  73 

VAUX 

The  pig! 

RHODA 

I  did  faint  —  almost. —  That  seemed  to  frighten 
him!  —  He  loosened  his  hold  a  bit,  and  said:  "  Come 
'cross  the  way  —  I'll  get  you  a  drink."  When  I 
didn't  move,  he  began  again  —  worse  —  (Holds  out 
her  hand  clinched  tightly) 

VAUX 

Swine ! 

EHODA 

Till  I  said :  "  All  right  —  let  go  and  I'll  "—  then  I 
reached  up  and  —  it  wasn't  lady-like  —  but  I 
slapped  his  face  — 

VAUX 

Good ! — 

RHODA 

—  With  all  my  might  — 

VAUX 

—  Good !  — 

RHODA 

—  And  ran  !  —  He  close  behind  —  shouting  —  curs- 
ing —  and  almost  had  me  —  till  he  slipped  and  fell. 

—  Then  some  one  rushed  over  —  and  I  heard  a  shot 

—  and  hadn't  sense  enough  to  stop  and  explain. 

VAUX 

I  don't  wonder !  —  You  should  have  told  us,  at  once, 
about    this    man    trying    to  —  force    his    acquaint- 
ance — 
RHODA  (laughing  it  off) 

Now  wouldn't  that  be  funny  ?  —  Make  a  fuss  'cause 
some  fool  tries  to  flirt. —  Like  what  you  see  in  the 


74  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

movies  when  the  masher  tips  his  hat,  and  they  throw 
on  the  screen :  "  How  dare  you,  Sir !  she  said  " —  And 
the  next  flicker  shows  them  in  a  restaurant !  — 
(Prepares  to  go)  A  girl  can  look  out  for  herself  — 
if  she's  used  to  it. 
VAux  (looking  out  of  window) 

But  you  can't  go  out  in  this  storm  —  (The  windows 
rattle) 

RHODA 

Is  it  snowing  again?      (Makes  to  go  to  window) 
VAUX  (intervening,  to  keep  her  from  window) 

No,  but  blowing  a  gale  —  take  you  off  your  feet. 

RHODA 

O,  I'll  get  home  safe  enough.      (Makes  to  go) 

VAUX 

No  !  Wait !  I'll  watch  for  a  taxi  — 
RHODA  (laughing) 

To   take  me   'cross   the  Square?  —  a  taxi?  —  They 

wouldn't  let  me  in,  at  Varrick  Court ! 
VAUX  (barring  her  exit) 

You  can't  leave  here  —  now  —  in  this  storm. 

RHODA 

'Tisn't  the  storm  you  fear. —  What  is  it?  —  That 
man!     (Tries  to  go  to  window) 
VAUX  (preventing  her) 

Keep    from   that   draughty   window  —  You'll    catch 

cold. 

RHODA 

You're  'fraid  they'll  see  me?  —  They're  still  about? 
(At  window)  Yes!  In  the  door-way — 'cross  the 
street  — 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  76 

VAUX 

They've  stopped  to  chat. —  They'll  go  presently. 

RHODA 

They  can  go  to  the  devil!     I  won't  wait! 

VAUX 

Yes! 

RHODA 

Why?  What  can  they  do?  (She  reaches  for  her 
jacket) 

VAUX 

Nothing,    of    course,    nothing!     They    realize    their 
mistake  —  (Helps    her  on   with   her  coat)     But  — 
your  jacket  is  wet. 
RHODA  (assenting ) 
From  the  snow. 

VAUX 

But  —  your  big  coat  you  should  wear ! 
RHODA  (with  gesture  "  no  "J 

H'm  —  h'm  —  the  snow'd  spoil  it. 

VAUX 

And  your  boots  wet,  too?  (Rhoda  extends  a  low- 
shoed  foot)  Slippers  —  in  such  weather !  The 
Lord  makes  ladies  his  special  care  —  like  sparrows 

—  or  they'd  all  die  of  pneumonia. —  Sit  by  the  fire 

—  a  moment  —  and  dry  them  —  and  eat  your  sup- 
per —  and  then,  perhaps,  you'll  accept  my  escort  to 
your  door.  (A  pause  during  which  Vaux  pretends 
to  work  on  the  statue)  (Rhoda  is  occupied  with  her 
supper  of  sandwiches,  pickles,  eclairs) 

RHODA 

Mr.  Vaux  —  will  you  lend  me  a  shoe  ?  (Extends 
her  shoeless  foot)     I  lost  one  of  mine. 


76  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

vAux  (pretending  ignorance ) 
Lost  it?  — Where? 

RHODA 

In  the  snow  likely  —  as  I  ran. 

VAUX 

We'll  have  to  find  another  'fore  you  can  go.  (Dur- 
ing the  ensuing  dialogue,  Vaux  makes  a  pretence  of 
working  on  the  statue,  but  he  is,  obviously,  preoccu- 
pied with  the  danger  of  Rhoda;  as  he  moves  back 
and  forth,  as  if  to  vision  the  statue  at  various  angles, 
lie  glances  furtively  out  the  window,  taking  care  that 
Rhoda  shall  not  see  his  uneasiness )  (Church-chimes 
strike  the  hour) 
RHODA  (rising) 

It's  getting  late,  Mr.  Vaux  —  and  I'm  keeping  you 
from  work. 

VAUX 

No,  no, —  I'll  work  all  the  better  for  you  being  here 

—  with  me.  It's  always  so,  somehow. —  You  put 
me  in  the  spirit  —  of  the  job  —  just  as  Cosie  does  — 
and  Higgins  doesn't  —  sometimes. —  You  make  me 
think  of  Spain. —  Perhaps  it's  the  dark  eyes,  eh? 

RHODA 

Must  be  Cosie's. —  Mine  are  light-blue. 

VAUX 

Then  it's  your  coal-black  hair. 

RHODA 

That  happens  to  be  red. 

VAUX 

Quite  usual  in  Spain  —  I've  seen  it  often. —  Just 
that  tint  —  in  Seville. —  They  call  it —  (Uncertain) 

—  let  me  see  —  what  do  they  call  that  shade  of  red? 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  77 

BHODA  (prompting  him) 
Rufo? 

VAUX 

Yes,  of  course!  —  I  s'pose  Tom  told  jou,  eh? 

RHODA 

No  —  that  Spanish  girl  —  Mercedes  —  who  plays  at 
Pedro's  restaurant.      She  learns  me  her  language. — 

VAUX  (chafpnffly) 

She  "  learns  "  vou,  eh? 

RHODA  (laughing  at  the  correction) 

Yes,  and  I  teach  her  mine, —  teacher !  And  I  have 
a  book,  too  — "  Spanish  Taught  in  Spare  Seconds." 
—  I've  read  some  of  "  Don  Quixote "  in  Spanish. 
(Takes  up  guitar,  and  strums  very  softly) 

VAUX 

Good!  When  you  marry  you  can  go  to  Spain  on 
your  honey-moon. 

RHODA 

Yes,  I've  decided  that. 

VAUX 

And,  he  agrees,  of  course? 

RHODA 

I  think  he  will. 

VAUX 

Yes,  a  year  or  so  in  Spain  and  —  Tom  will  paint  I 
Rhoda 

(She  turns  sharply  at  mention  of  "  Tom^*  hut  does 

not  ansTver) 
Vaux 

Have  you  told  him  your  —  plans  ? 
Rhoda  (dubiously) 

Tom?     No!     Not  all  — 


78  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

Vaux 

I'll  tell  him  just  where  to  go  —  the  very  inn. —  I'm 
sure  it's  still  there. —  They  don't  tear  down  in  that 
country. —  And  I  told  them  I'd  be  back  some  day  — 

Rhoda 

On  yowr  honey-moon  .^ 

VAUX  (laughing  assent) 

Yes,  I  s'pose  I  told  them  that  —  I  was  j^oung  —  and 

—  in  —  Spain,  somehow  —  you're  always  thinking  of 

—  honey-moons  — 
Rhoda 

Yes !  —  Miss  Gray  says   you   can  make  love  better 
in  Spanish  than  any  other  language. 
Vaux 

Has  she  been  there.? 

Rhoda 

I  guess  so :  she's  a  singer. —  Rooms  next  to  me,  at 
Varrick  Court.  (Vatux  notes  the  time  —  a  spirited 
Spanish  waltz  —  that  Rhoda  is  playing  on  the  gui-' 
tar) 

Vaux 

What's  that  you're  playing.? 

Rhoda 

I  don't  know :  hasn't  any  name. 

Vaux 

Where  d'you  hear  it.? 

Rhoda 

In  Spain !  —  One  night,  at  an  inn,  I  was  dining  — 
and  in  the  court-yard  below  there  was  a  dance  — 
to  this  tune.  Wonderful  ladies,  dressed  like 
Dulcinea  —  and    gentlemen    that    looked    like    Don 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  79 

Quixote  —  and  jou,  Mr.  Vaux.     I've  never  forgotten 

it. 
Vaux  (amazed) 

When  on  earth  were  you  in  Spain,  child? 
Rhoda 

Often!  —  Whenever     I     get     that  —  (Indicates     the 

dress  and  mantilla  on  the  dummy)  —  next  my  bones 

—  and  sit  here,  while  you  work  —  and  you  tell  me 
he's  —  (Indicates  Quixote)  —  so  "  dotty  "  about  me 

—  I  just  haire  to  plunk  this  tune.  (Her  playing 
gradually  softens  into  silence)  (The  clock-chimes 
strike  the  hour)  (The  windows  rattle:  Vaux 
goes  to  window:  looks  out  cautiously ) 

Vaux 

H'm  —  Getting  worse,  the  snow  !  —  You  couldn't 
get  through  —  Miss  Brough  —  (She  doesn't  an- 
swer) Rhoda!  (Vaux  crosses,  on  tiptoe,  and  sees 
that  she's  fallen  asleep:  takes  guitar,  carefully, 
from  her  hand:  puts  a  robe  over  her  knees:  dims  the 
lights,  except  one  under  z&hich  he  sits  to  read:  rises, _ 
after  a  second  or  two,  and  listens  at  the  door:  then 
peers  out  the  window. —  Takes  a  sudden  resolve  — 
puts  on  storm-coat  and  hat:  makes  to  go,  hut  turns 
and  crosses  to  desk;  sits  down  and  writes  a  line  or 
two,  quickly)  (While  he  is  writing,  Homans  is 
seen,  for  an  instant,  peering  stealthily  through  ths 
French  window,  at  hack.  Vaux,  vaguely  uneasy, 
pauses  in  his  writing,  as  if  to  listen.  Then,  reas- 
sured, continues:  takes  a  key  from  his  key-chain  and 
is  putting  it  in  envelope,  zcith  the  note,  as  the  curtain 
falls) 

curtain 


ACT  TWO 

The  scene  is  Rlioda's  room  in  the  mansard  of  *'  Var- 
rick  Court  " —  a  shabby,  old  mansion  tenanted  by  ar- 
tists, writers,  musicians,   etc. 

The  room,  of  fair  size,  shows  at  a  glance  that  it  is 
the  habitat  of  a  person  of  artistic  taste  and  ingenuity: 
an  exaviple  of  what  may  be  accomplished  by  such  quali- 
ties working  with  the  most  inexpensive  materials.  The 
color-scheme  may  be  whichever  best  fits  the  actress 
playing  Rhoda:  but  there  is  nowhere  a  discordant  note. 
On  the  walls  are  some  unframed  paintings  — "  studies,^* 
etc.,  such  as  a  model  might  receive  as  gifts,  or,  in 
lieu  of  money,  from  artists  for  whom  she  poses.  Con- 
spicuous, is  the  large  photograph  of  a  **  showy^' -look- 
ing man,  wearing  a  fur-coat:  and  a  soft-toned  litho- 
graph of  the  same  man  in  prize-ring  costume. 

The  furniture  includes  a  writing  desk:  book-shelves 
on  the  walls:  a  dressing-table,  zvith  shaded  candles, 
etc.  The  tiny  bed  stands  in  an  alcove,  in  which  there 
is  a  window,  zcith  a  glimpse  of  the  sky  and  stars. 
There  is  a  fire-place  with  mantel  at  left:  above  the  fire- 
place a  window:  below,  a  door  leads  to  adjoining  rooms 
—  Marian  Gray'^s.  A  door  at  back  opens  to  the  hall 
of  the  building. 

At  rise  of  curtain  Savile,  Tom's  father,  hat  and  over- 
coat on,  is  walking  about,  examining  the  room  —  the 
furniture,  pictures,  etc.     Tom,  seated  right,  is  glanc- 

80 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  81 

ing  through  a  folio  of  four  or  five  type-written  pages, 

of  the  usual  "  legal  *'  size. 

From  the  adjoining  room  is  heard,  at  intervals,  a 

good  voice  running  the  musical  scale. 

SAviLE   (admiring  various  "  studies,''^  *'  sketches,'''  etc., 
and  reading  the  superscriptions ) 

"  To  my  model  of  models  —  from  Paul  Helleu" — 
"  Self-portrait  of  Quixote,  to  Dulcinea  " —  Vaux,  of 
course? 

TOM  (without  looking  up  from  his  reading)     That  was 
his  first  "  study  " —  for  the  statue. 

Savile 

Quite  a  mark  of  devotion! —  (Before  another  draw- 
ing) "  Rhoda,  in  her  new  pagoda  —  GifFord  Beale  " 
—  Some  of  these  pictures  I  wouldn't  mind  having  on 
mi/  walls. 

Tom 

Pose  for  the  artists,  and  you  can  get  them  —  just  as 
Rhoda  does  —  in  lieu  of  cash. 

SAViLE  (As  he  looks  about  suspiciously) 

Rather  smart  quarters  for  the  "  poor,  working  girl  " ! 

TOM  (without  looking-up  from  the  pages) 

Just  because  you're  poor,  you  don't  have  to  have 
your  rooms  disfigured  by  Fifth  Avenue  decorators. 

SAVILE  (surveying  the  dainty  dressing-table) 

This  dressing-table,  I  should  say,  came  from  one  of 
them. 

TOM 

Possibly  —  from   his    back-yard.      (Rises,    and  lifts 
the  covering  of  table  to  disclose  a  pine  packing-box ) 
SAVILE  (indicating  canopied  bed  vn  curtained  alcove) 
That  four-poster,  I  s'pose,  is  an  heir-loom? 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


TOM  (laughing) 

It  will  be  before  the  instalments  are  all  paid. —  I 
know  what's  in  your  mind,  dad, —  if  you  believe  this 
stuff!     (Holds  up  the  "  report  "j 


SAVILE 

You  don't  believe  it? 

TOM 

Not  a  word! 

SAVILE 

Indeed  ? 

TOM 

Not  one  damn  word  of  it! 

SAVILE 

Your  language ! 

TOM 

Doesn't  fit  the  case!  You'll  say  so  yourself,  the 
moment  you  see  this  girl,  and  speak  with  her. 

SAVILE 

I'm  quite  willing  to  be  convinced.     That's  what  I'm 
here  for. —  And  I  expect  you  to  be  equally  reason- 
able —  or  I'm  done  with  you ! 
TOM  (geniallt/) 

Don't  talk  like  that,  please !  —  Come,  be  the  regu- 
lar dad  you  were,  'till  this  thing  came  up. —  Now 
you're  the  regulation  irate  parent  in  a  melodrama. 
—  Who  is  this,  anyway  —  who  makes  this  report  ? 

SAVILE 

Reliable  man  —  often  employed  by  our  organized 
charities. 

TOM 

Oh !  —  One  of  those  fifty-fifty  boys  ! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


SAVILE 

What's  that:  "  fifty-fiftj  "? 

TOM 

Well,  3^ou  know,  dad,  of  every  two  dollars  given  for 
"  organized  charity,"  fifty  cents  goes  to  charity,  and 
one-dollar  fifty  to  "  organization." —  Your  man's 
the  dollar-fifty  end. 

SAVILE 

Not  this  one !  They  pay  him  —  well  —  from  a  spe- 
cial fund  —  for  confidential  work. 

TOM 

Not  a  detective,  dad?  (Savile  doesnt  answer)  He 
hasn't  been  — "'  trailing  " —  Rhoda? 

SAVILE 

Certainly  not ! 
TOM  (unconvinced) 

'Cause  if  it  were  anything  like  that  —  and  becomes 
known,  I  am  done  for !  —  I  couldn't  live  down  here. 

SAVILE 

Are  they  all  crazy  as  Vaux? 
TOM  (nods  '*  yes  "J 

Wlien  it  comes  to  a  girl  like  Rhoda  Brough  —  most 
all  of  them !  —  Of  course,  some  "  rotter  "  shows  up, 
now  and  then,  who  thinks  any  girl's  fair  game;  but 
he  soon  gets  lonely  —  and  moves  on. —  Tear  this  up  ! 
(Starts  to  tear  the  "  report,''  but  Savile  seizes  it 
from  him)  Drop  the  whole  miserable  business. —  I 
wouldn't  dare  show  that  to  Rhoda ! 

SAVILE 

What  are  you  'fraid  of?  —  You  want  this  to  go  un- 
denied?  —  That  wouldn't  be  fair  to  the  girl. 


84  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

TOM 

No !  —  But  why  does  he  bring  this  stuff  to  you? 
How'd  he  know  yowWe  interested  —  in  Rhoda  ? 

SAviLE  (indiferently) 

O,  these  men  find  out  everything:  that's  their  busi- 
ness —  to  get  at  the  truth ! 

TOM 

No  more  chance  of  this  being  true  of  Rhoda  than 
of  your  own  daughter. 

SAVILE  (angrily) 

I  don't  like  the  comparison  —  with  this  man's  — 
(Indicates  picture  of  prize-fighter)  —  daughter. 
(A  voice  in  adjoining  room  calls)  "Rhoda! 
Rhoda!  !  "  (Trilling  the  name  through  the  musical 
scale)  (The  door  opens:  Marian  Gray  appears  in 
door-way)  (Marian  is  a  few  years  older  than 
Rhoda:  about  twenty-two  or  twenty-three  years  old. 
She  is  rather  tall:  hair  and  eyes  dark — the  latter 
brilliant.  The  pink  of  pomegranate  shows  through 
her  dark  skin:  her  mouth  —  a  cupid*s-bow  —  is  in- 
viting; altogether,  a  sparkling  beauty,  with  features 
of  so-styled  "  aristocratic  "  mould.  Her  manner 
and  bearing  are  in  accord  with  her  appearance;  her 
voice,  low  and  soft:  her  utterance  clean-cut,  well- 
bred;  so  that  a  *'  cuss-word " —  a  "  hell  '*  or 
"  damn  " —  from  her  lips  is  like  a  bolt -from- the -blue. 
All  the  more  so,  since  she  seems  quite  innocent  of  any 
intent  to  shock  or  offend)  (She  wears  an  evening 
gown;  the  waist  of  which  is  not  completely  hooked- 
up,  and  she  holds  it  together  at  back) 

MARIAN    (she    speaks    very    low,    almost    a    whisper. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  85 

throughout  the  scenCy  until  otherwise  indicated  in  the 

directions) 

Hook  me  up,  dear! — (At  sight  of  others)     I  beg 

jour  pardon  —  I  thought  Miss  Brough  was  in. 

SAVILE 

We're  waiting  for  Miss  Brough. — 

MARIAN 

But  that  door  was  locked.     How'd  you  get  in? 

SAVILE 

The  landlady  let  us  in. 

MARIAN 

Well,  that  lets  you  out!  (Nods  to  door,  as  if  to 
dismiss  them)  Please  wait  below,  till  Miss  Brough 
returns.      She  said  to  admit  no  one. 

TOM 

I'm  sure  she  wouldn't  mind  us. 

MARIAN 

But  7  do !  — 'Cause  I  promised  no  one  should  get  in. 
No  one !  —  No  one !  !  —  No  one !  !  !  —  So  won't  you 
please  leave  !  —  before  I  ask  you  to  go  ! 
SAVILE   ( out-of -patience ) 

My  dear  young  woman,  I  own  this  building  —  and  I 
ma}'-  enter  any  room  I  please,  any  hour  of  the  day  or 
night. 

MARIAN 

Well,  don't  you  please  enter  my  room,  any  hour  of 
the  day  or  night ! 

SAVILE 

I  have  the  right.  Miss,  under  the  law. 
MARIAN  (laughing) 

O,  the  devil  take  your  law !  — 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 


SAViLE  (horrified) 
What! 

MARIAN   (seriously ) 

Yes !  —  And  your  law  it  is,  I'm  sure :  made  for  you 
and  hy  you  —  and  unmade  when  it  suits  your  pur- 
pose.—  Or  you  wouldn't  be  stopping  in  strange 
rooms  when  you're  politely  requested  to  leave. 

SAVILE 

But,  see  here  — 
MAE  IAN  (with  stamp  of  foot) 

You  7nust  go !  —  And  don't  make  me  talk  out  — 
'cause  I  must  sing  to-night  — 

SAVILE 

Yes,  but  we  — 
MARIAN  (interrupting,  in  loud  tone) 

Now,  won't  you  please  get  the  hell  out  of  here ! 
TOM   (enlightened  hy   the  cuss-word,  which  is  uttered 

quite  simply  and  amiably) 

O,  this  is  Miss  Gray,  isn't  it? 

MAKIAN 

Yes ! 
TOM  (to  Savile) 

Close  friend  of  Miss  Brough. 

MARIAN 

Next-door-neighbor ! 

SAVILE 

Congenial,  evidently. 

TOM 

I  guess  you  don't  know  who  I  am. 

MARIAN 

O,  yes !     You're  the  chap  wants  to  marry  her. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  87 

SAVILE 

Oh!     She  speaks  about  it? 

MARIAN 

No!  —  She  speaks  of  it:  Mr.  Watts  speaks  about  it. 

TOM 

It's  no  secret,  that  I  hope  to  marry  Miss  Brough. 

MARIAN 

Well,    that's    the   last   man    a   girl   wants    snooping 
around   her   rooms,  without  warning.     (Closes   and 
locks  Rhoda's  writing-desk ) 
SAVILE  (sitting  down) 

I'm  sorry  you  think  us  presumptuous  — 

MARIAN 

"  Presumptuous  "  !  No  indeed !  Just  nerv^y  !  — 
You've  no  right  here. —  They  had  no  business  to  let 
you  in  —  while  Miss  Brough  is  away. — 

TOM  (to  Sainle) 

She's  right.  Come  along!  (Puts  hand  on  Savile's 
shoulder  urgingly :  Savile  turns  away  impatiently) 

MARIAN  (stamps  her  -foot,  in  rage) 

At  once  —  you  go  !  —  or  I'll  call  the  —  (Opens  door 
and  confronts  Homans) 

HOMANs  (entering) 

Thank  you !  —  (To  the  others)  I  was  to  meet  a 
Mr.  —  (Looks  at  card,  as  if  uncertain)  —  Savile  — 
here. 

SAVILE 

I'm  Mr.  Savile :  —  (Indicating  Tom)  — my  son. 

HOMANS 

Homans'  my  name. —  (Glances  at  Marian)  —  But 
this  isn't  the  girl. 


88  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

SAVILE 

Friend  of  hers  —  next  room. 
HOMANs  (looking  Marian  over) 

H'm!  —  Model,  I  s'pose? 
TOM  (sharply) 

Miss  Gray  sings. 

HOMANS 

Chorus  or  cabaret? 
MARIAN  (rather  bewildered  and  frightened  by  Romans' 

impudence) 

Church-choir,  mainly. 
HOMANS  (laughingy  and  with  some  admiration) 

Well,   that's    a   new   one !  —  church-choir !  —  I   meet 

all  kinds  of  Lu-lus,  but  you're  the  first  —  hallelu j  ah  ! 
MARIAN  (in  a  fury) 

Why,  you  d-d-despicable  — ! 
HOMANS   (unmoved) 

Run  along,  Maisie  — 
TOM  (urging) 

Please,  Miss  Gray  — 
s  A  VILE  (mth  gesture  of  dismissal) 

Yes,  we've  business  here. 

MARIAN 

No,  you  haven^t  any  business  here !  —  (To  Tom)  I've 
only  heard  about  you;  but  I've  never  liked  you. — 
For  no  reason  that  I  could  see  —  (Glares  at  Savile) 
—  till  now!  (Makes  to  go,  but  turns  to  take 
Rhoda*s  fur-coaty  from  behind  wall-curtain.  Exits 
to  her  room,  whence  she  is  heard,  immediately,  sing- 
ing the  scale)  (An  auto-horn  signals,  in  answer,  in 
the  street  below) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  89 

HOMANs  (still  amused) 

"  Church-choir  " !  —  With  her  own  limousine  (Indi- 
cating the  auto-horn)  —  at  the  door. —  Isn't  that 
enough  ? 

TOM  (laughing) 
Scarcely. 

SAviLE  (rather  to  Tom) 
Birds  of  a  feather! 

HOMANS  (taking-in  the  attractive  room) 

Fine  feathers,  'specially. —  But  they  don't  usually 
flock  so  high  up.  Street-floor's  handier :  —  'spe- 
cially, just  off*  the  Avenue. 

SAVILE 

Mr. —  Holmes  — ? 
HOMANs  (correcting) 
Homans ! 

SAVILE 

The  young  man  doesn't  believe  this. —  (Taps  report) 

HOMANS 

They  never  do !  —  The  old  ones,  neither.  And  we 
never  give  arguments:  just  facts. 

TOM 

I'd  want  more  than  your  word  —  that  they're  facts. 

HOMANS 

There's  the  man  who  saw  the  whole  aff*air. 

SAVILE 

Could  you  get  him  now? 
HOMANS  (dubiously,  as  he  looks  at  his  watch) 
He'll  be  on  beat,  soon. 

TOM 

Policeman  ?  (To  SavUe)  You'd  not  bring  him  — 
before  Rhoda.^ 


90  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

SAVILE 

You  insist  on  proof! 

HOMANS 

He  has  the  warrant. 
TOM  (looks  to  Savile    horrified) 

"Warrant"?     Good   God!  —  is   that   what   we   are 

here  for? 
HOMANS  ( appeasingly ) 

A  warrant's  nothing,  till  it's  served. —  He's  had  it 

some  days,  but  I  got  him  to  hold  off,  in  case  the  girl 

wanted  to  leave  town. 

SAVILE 

Very  decent! 
HOMANS  (airtly) 

We  always  give  'em  a  chance  to  get  away^ —  and 
start  over  —  somewhere  they  ain't  known.  (With  a 
wink) 

TOM 

Miss  Brough  "  aint  known  "  here ! 

HOMANS 

No ;  hers  is  the  quiet  game.  Took  slick  work  "  trail- 
ing "  her. 

TOM  (after  a  sharp  glance  at  Savile) 
Then  you  have  been  "  trailing  "  her? 

HOMANS  (warned  hy  frown  from  Savile) 
Not  her  'specially :  all  of  'em,  'round  here. 

SAVILE  (suggesting) 
Church  work? 

HOMANS  (confidentially) 

And  real-estate  —  'tween  us  gentlemen. —  They're 
toning-up    this    section  —  just    off    the    Avenue. — 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  91 

They've    drove    out    the    "  sweaters  " :    now   it's    the 
"  skirts." 

SAVILE 

The—? 
HOMANs  (mdicating  the  *'  report  "j 

The  "  hello-dearies."      (Vaux  appears  at  door,  left, 

in  season  to  hear) 
SAVILE  (disconcerted) 

What  brings  you,  Vaux? 

VAUX 

Miss  Gray's  car,  brought  me. —  But  if  I'm  intrud- 
ing— 
SAVILE  (troubled) 

Well  —  yes  —  we  would  prefer — (Gestures  dis- 
missal) 

HOiAIANS 

No,  no,  let  him  stay  ;  —  he's  in  this. 

TOM 

Rather!      (Hands  Vaux  the  report) 
VAUX  (reading) 

"  Report  on  one  Jane  Doe:  in  Confidence  " —  I've  no 
right  to  the  lady's  confidence.  (Makes  to  put  down 
the  report) 

HOMANS 

There's  nothing  there  you  don't  know  —  'bout  that 
"  lady." 

TOM 

It's  Rhoda. 

VAUX 

Rhoda  — "Jane  Doe"? 

HOMANS 

That's  in  case  her  real  name  isn't  Rhoda  Brough. 


92  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

SAViLE  (nodding  approval) 

And  if  the  charge  is  dropped  there's  nothing  on  rec- 
ord 'gainst  her. 

vAux  (looks  from  one  to  another,  as  if  dazed,  bewil- 
dered, helpless) 
Miss  Brough  hasn't  seen  this?      (Glances  at  it) 

SAVILE 

No!  that's  what  we're  here  for:  to  give  her  a  chance 
to   disprove  his  —  (Indicates  Romans)  —  facts. 

VAUX 

His  —  facts  ?     (Loses  all  concern  in  the  docwment ) 
SAVILE  (insisting)      (To  Romans) 

What  you'd  tell  in  Court? 
VAUX  (shows  renewed  interest  vn  the  report) 
HOMANS  (nods  "  yes  ") 

Under  oath! 

VAUX 

(Promptly   throws    the  document   aside:   wipes   his 
hands  on  'kerchief) 
HOMANS  (to  Savile) 

One  born  every  minute!  (To  Vaux  and  Tom) 
Take  it  from  a  friend  —  you're  a  couple  of  monkeys  ! 
There's  some  excuse  for  the  boy,  but  you  ought  to 
got  wise  long  ago  —  just  from  her  'sociates  — 
(Vaux  and  Tom  exchange  amused  glances)  —  com- 
pany she  keeps. —  I've  seen  her  time  and  again  with 
a  regular  —  well,  a  cross  'tween  hobo  and  pugilist. 

VAUX 

Higgins ! 

HOMANS 

That's  the  man:  you  know  him? 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  93 

VAUX 

We  all  know  Higgins. —  He  poses. 

HO  MANS 

Mostly  in  pool-rooms. 

VAUX 

Not  bad  exercise,  pool. —  I  myself  play  "  Kelly." 

HOMANS 

"  Ponies  "  he  pla^^s  —  ^vith  every  dollar  he  gets  his 

hands  on. —  And  plays  'em  for  her,  too. 
VAUX  (assenting) 

When  he's  absolutely  sure. 
SAVILE  (as  if  gratified) 

That   accounts    for  the   costly   coat,   you  speak  of. 

(Indicates  the  report) 

HOMANS 

Some  coat,  for  a  girl  in  her  position  !  —  Where'd  she 

get  it.? 
VAUX  (with  increasing  temper) 

At  the  furrier's  !  —  Bought  it  1  —  Bought  it ! ! 
SAVILE  (placating) 

Out  of  what  she  earns  at  the  shop? 

HOMANS 

Or  picks-up  —  in  studios .?     Coat  worth  two  or  three 

hundreds!     Bought  it,  eh.'^ 
TOM  (tensely) 

How  else.'' 
SAVILE  (to  Tom) 

You  ask  her. 
VAUX  (to  Tom) 

Hardly! 

HOMANS 

I'll  ask  —  how  she  got  a  coat  —  worth  hundreds  — 


94  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

(A  latch-key  is  heard,  at  door  back)  —  I'll  ask  her 
—  right  before  you  — 

VAUX 

You  will  not !  —  in  my  presence  —  question  a  lady 
about  her  wearing  apparel !  —  (Rhoda  appears  in 
door-way:  utters  cry  of  surprise,  starts  to  withdraw, 
hut  catching  sight  of  Vaux,  enters) 

TOM 

You  mustn't  stay  here,  Rhoda. 

sAviLE  (with  some  temper) 

Why  not ?  —  This  was  your  own  plan. 

TOM 

Yes,  but  I  didn't  "  plan  "  Homans  to  be  here. 

SAVILE 

I  wanted  all  this  in  my  office. —  Sent  her  word  to 
come  there. 

VAUX 

I  told  her  not  to. 
TOM  (to  Rhoda) 

Go  in  to  Miss  Gray.     Please. 
RHODA  (seems  not  to  notice) 
TOM  (to  Vaux) 

Tell  her  to  go. 
RHODA  (to  Vaux) 

Don't !  —  This  is  my  corner  —  till  they  count  ten. 

HOMANS 

To  begin  with,  let  her  glance  over  this  —  (Offers  her 
the  report) 
VAUX  (quickly) 

No  possible  interest  to  Miss  Brough. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  95 

SAVILE 

What !  —  This  proof  of  the  charge  he's  made 
against  — 

VAux  (jumping  in) 

"  Jane  Doe  " —  'gainst  "  Jane  Doe  "  !  Doesn't  con- 
cern Miss  Brough. 

HOMAXs  (to  Savile,  and  making  to  go) 
We're  just  wasting  time  — 

SAVILE 

Vaux,  I  came  here  in  the  kindliest  spirit  toward  this 
unfortunate  girl.  I  mean  to  help  her  —  for  Tom's 
sake  —  and  yours.  And  Mr.  Homans,  I'm  sure, 
feels  the  same. 

HOMAXS 

Certainly ;  that's  why  we  haven't  pushed  the  case. 

SAVILE 

He  has  shielded  your  little  friend,  up  to  now.  But 
for  him  the  —  arrest  —  would  have  been  made  days 
ago.  He's  managed  to  have  it  held-ofF — so  that 
she  might  leave  town. 

VAUX 

That  means  leaving  her  employment. 

HOMAXS 

She'll  find  — "  employment  " —  elsewhere. 

SAVILE 

And  'til  she  does,  we'll  provide  for  her. —  The  ex- 
pense of  her  journey,  we'll  provide  that,  too, — 
wherever  she  chooses  to  go. —  The  far  West  —  Cali- 
fornia's pleasant  at  this  season. 

RHODA 

I  don't  know  any  one  there. 


96  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

HOMANS 

Oh,  you'll  soon  "  pick-up  "  friends  —  anywhere. 

S  A  VILE 

Go  to  Europe,  if  you  like  — 

RHODA 

My  acquaintance  in  Europe  is  even  smaller. 
SAViLE  (impatient) 

Well,  then,  anywhere  you  choose. —  I  don't  care 
where  it  is  —  just  so  you  leave  town.  You  can't 
stay  here. 

RIIODA 

You've  decided  that? 

S  A  VILE 

Only  in  your  interest,  Miss  Brough. —  Tom  realizes 
that.     And  Mr.  Vaux  ought  to  —  even  better. —  He 
knows  how  matters  stand. 
VAUX  (assenting) 
I  begin  to. 

SAVILE 

The  danger  of  scandal  —  disgrace  —  in  these  cases. 

VAUX 

Yes! 

SAVILE 

Even  where  the  accused  is  perfectly  innocent, —  and 
can  prove  it  —  there'll  always  be  doubters  and 
sceptics,  to  hint  and  question. —  You  know  what 
mere  gossip  can  do. 

RHODA 

It  killed  that  girl !  (Hands  Savile  a  framed  photo- 
graph) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  97 

SAVILE 

Why  take  the  risk  ?  —  Go  away,  quietly  —  for  a 
time,  at  least  —  and  no  one  need  ever  know  of  this. — 
(Indicates  the  "  report  "j  —  And  you'd  best  start 
to-night. —  Mr.  Homans  will  arrange  that  you  get 
away,  safely.     He'll  see  3^ou  to  your  train. 

TOM 

She'd  see  him  to  hell  first! 

SAVILE 

That's  your  advice. 

TOM 

Yes! 

HOMANS 

She's  too  wise  to  take  it. 

RHODA 

I  shall  do  just  what  I  —  I  —  what  Mr.  Vaux  says 

I  should  do!     Go  or  stay? 
SAVILE  (to  Vaux) 

It  shouldn't  take  long  to  decide  that! 
VAUX  (assenting) 

No !  —  Miss  Brough  stays  ! 
HOMANs  (to  SavUe) 

That  lets  you  out,  Mr.  Savile.     You've  done  all  you 

could  for  'em. 
SAVILE  (to  Tom) 

Now,  it's  up  to  the  Law. 

RHODA 

I've  nothing  to  fear  —  from  the  Law ! 
SAVILE  (paternally) 

Have  you  ever  seen  the  play  called  "  Justice  " —  that 
shows  how  the  wheels  of  the  Law,  once  put  in  motion 
—  grind  on,  blindly,  relentlessly  ?     Nothing  can  stop 


98  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

them  —  once    they're    set    going. —  And    very    often 
they  grind  out  strange  and  unsuspected  secrets  —  so 
that  even  the  innocent  takes  on  the  appearance  of 
guilt. 
RHODA  (calmly) 

I've  no  fear,  Mr.  Savile. 

HOMANS 

They  all  sing  that  song,  first  off. —  She'll  change  her 
tune,  when  she's  read  that.      (Holds  up  the  report) 

TQM 

You  know  what  this  man  says,  Rhoda?     That  you 
flirted  with  him  —  smiled  and  spoke  to  him  —  on  the 
street. —  Of  course,  you  didn't !  — 
RHODA  (doesn't  answer:  seems  not  to  hear) 

TOM 

He  lies,  doesn't  he? 
SAVILE  (protesting) 

Now,  Tom,  that  isn't  fair  —  to  Mr.  —  Bowman. — 
It's  possible, —  of  course,  he  was  mistaken  — 

HOMANS 

No  mistake  about  it! 
VAux  (to  Savile) 
I  hoped  there  was  ! 

TOM 

No   mistake,    of  course !  —  Just   a   plain,   deliberate 
lie!— ("To   Rhoda)    Tell   him   so!  — And   that   will 
end  it ! 
RHODA  (doesnH  answer) 

SAVILE 

Have  you  nothing  to  say.  Miss  Brough.'^ 
RHODA  (looks  straight  through  him) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  99 

TOM  (to  VauxJ 
Make  her  answer. 

SAVILE 

Isn't  that  answer  enough?  —  her  silence! 

TOM 

No! 

SAVILE 

You  want  her  —  before  us  all  —  to  admit  the  truth? 

TOM 

Is  it  the  truth,  Rhoda?  —  Just  one  word — "No"; 
that's  all  I  want ! 
RHODA  (makes  no  answer) 

SAVILE 

You  see?  —  If  she  won't  deny  what  —  Cummins  — 
says  —  let  her  explain  how  the  mistake  happened. — 
She'll  have  to,  in  Court !  She  can't  keep  silent  there 
—  or  they  zvUl  believe  — 

TOM 

Whatever  they  like !  —  It's  what  I'm  to  believe, 
Rhoda. 

RHODA 

Whatever  you  like ! 
SAVILE  (triumphant) 

Does  that  convince  you?  —  Come  along!     (Makes  to 

go) 

TOM 

No! 

HOMANS 

Ask  her  about  the  pin  I  wore  that  night  —  (Laugh- 
ing) —  and  haven't  worn  since.  Maybe  she'll  answer 
that. 


100  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

TOM 

You  will,  Rhoda?     You  must! 
VAUx  (horrified) 

Why,  Tom  Savile  — ! 
RHODA  (protesting) 

Please,  Mr.  Vaux  —  he's  asking  me! 

TOM 

Let  him  answer,  if  you  won't ! 

HOMANS 

Let  Mr.  Vaux  explain. —  Yes  !  —  At  least,  why  she 
kept  away  from  here,  that  night. 
SAVILE  (pretending  surprise) 

Oh !    Then    she    didn't    return    here?  —  to    her   own 
room  ? 

HOMANS 

She  ran  into  his  place  —  and  stayed  there. 

TOM 

While  you  were  hanging  about,  of  course! 

HOMANS 

I  was  "  about  " —  all  night! 
VAUX  (makes  a  dash  for  Homans) 

What  of  that? 
HOMANS   (steps  hack,  with  his  hand  on  pistol-pocket) 
RHODA  (rushes  in  between)      (Shrieks  to  Savile) 

Get  him  out  of  here! 
SAVILE  (to  Homans)      (Frightened) 

Yes  !  yes  !  —  Let  us  go  ! 
HOMANS  (disregarding  Savile) 

If  he  wants  "  rough-house  " —  before  the  lady  — 
VAUX  (to  Rhoda) 

I  beg  your  pardon  !  —  But  —  (Turns  again  to  Ho- 
mans) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVE^SUE-  '    •-'  a^I- 

SAviLE  (to  Vaux) 

Onl}'  make  it  worse  —  for  her !  —  and  it's  bad  enough 
now,  God  knows ! 

HOMAXS 

A    gentleman' d    understand  —  that    it's    got    to    be 
handled  with  gloves. 
VAUX  (calmed) 

By  all  means  —  with  gloves !  —  (Takes  off  his 
gloves) 

RHODA 

This  sort !      (Holds  up  a  pair  of  old-time  prize-ring 
gloves)      No  tips  —  all  knuckles  ! 
HOMAXS  (to  SavUe  and  Tom) 

I'm  giving  you  the  bare  facts  —  'bout  where  she 
stayed  that  night. —  May  mean  nothing.  (With  a 
smirk)  It  was  storming;  she'd  had  a  bad  time  of  it 
—  and  probably  didn't  want  to  be  alone. 

SAVILE 

Nothing  of  that,  here  —  (Indicates  the  report) 
HOMAXS  (with  an  air) 

We  don't  go  into  their  private  morals. —  If  she  chose 
to  remain  in  his  rooms  —  all  night  — 

VAUX 

You  said  she'd  "  got  away  " —  by  the  balcony  — 

HOMAXS 

We  thought  she  did,  down  the  fire-escape  —  till  we 
looked  at  the  snow  —  and  found  no  foot-print. 

VAUX 

H'm !  —  Sherlock  Homans  ! 

HOMAXS 

Quite    simple,    Doctor    Watson!     We    watched    the 


102  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

place,  front  and  back,  all  night:  saw  just  who  went 

in  —  and  who  left. 
VAux  (promptly) 

Then  you  saw  me  leave  the  house? 
HOMANS  (deridingly) 

No  !  —  And  I  was  watching  pretty  closely. 

VAUX 

Soon  after  you  left  my  rooms  —  I  went  out. 

HOMANS 

I  didn't  notice. 
VAUX  (with  good-humor ) 

Then  you  weren't  watching  so  closely !  —  or  you'd 
seen  me  —  lurch  'gainst  —  some  one. 

HOMANS 

I  can  believe  that  —  after  the  drink  you  took !  Gob- 
let full ! 

VAUX  (irisisting) 

Bowled  him  over,  nearly  —  and  he  didn't  notice ! 

SAviLE  (making  light  of  it) 

Quite  possible:  —  in  the  dark  —  and  storm. 

VAUX 

Yes,  there  was  a  storm  —  and  one  couldn't  see 
clearly. —  And  there  was  ice  on  the  walk. —  He'd  have 
fallen  —  man  I  bumped  —  only  I  grasped  his  hand 

—  firmly  —  so  tight  I  felt  a  ring  through  his  glove 

—  felt  it  distinctly. 

HOMANS 

Light-fingered,  aren't  you? 

VAUX 

Must  be,  in  my  job!  —  Light  fingers  and  >vrist  of 
steel. —  That's  all  that  saved  the  fellow  from  an  ugly 
bump  —  the    quick    grab   of    his    hand  —  like    that! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  103 

(Seizes  Homans'  hand)     I  was  hoping  you  noticed. 

HOMAXS 

No !      (Shows  pain)     I  saw  nothing  of  the  sort. —  I 
was  'cross  the  street  —  when  you  came  out. 
VAUx  (jumping  in) 

Then  I  did  come  out?  (Increases  pressure  on 
Romans'  hand) 

S  A  VILE 

You  say  you  did  !     That's  enough ! 

VAUX 

Not  for  Romans !  —  And  we  must  convince  him  — 
beyond  shadow  of  doubt  —  that  I  did  leave  my 
room  that  night. — 

SAVILE 

He  doesn't  deny  that  —  even  in  this  "  confidential  " 
report. —  He  says,  now,  only  that  he  didn't  see 
you  — 

VAUX 

Though  he  watched  the  door,  the  night  through,  he 

didn't  see  me  come  out?      (Relaxes  grip) 
HOMANs  (re-assured) 

No  !  —  I  saw  nothing. 
SAViLE  (as  if  that  ended  the  matter) 

There! 

VAUX 

And  though  I  staggered  'gainst  him  —  (staggers 
Homans  with  a  hump  of  the  shotdder)  till  he  must 
have  seen  stars  —  he  saw  nothing! 

HOMAXS 

No !  —  Or  if  I  did,  I  forget. 
VAUX  (smiling  grimly) 
Impossible ! 


104  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

SAviLE  (with  temper) 

Why  "  impossible  "  ?  —  In  his  day's  work,  he  must 
encounter  many  "  drunks  " —  He  might  easily  forget 
your  particular  case. 

HOMANS 

Yes! 

VAUX 

You  might  forget,  Homans,  that  I'd  bumped  'gainst 
you. —  But  if  it  was  your  hand  I'd  grasped  —  like 
that  —  you'd  remember  ? 
HOMANS  (writhing) 

Hell,  yes,  I'd  remember  that ! 

VAUX 

Thank  you !  —  Now  think,  man,  think!  Try  to  re- 
call, that  you  saw  me  leave  my  house :  —  and  that  I 
took  hold  of  you  —  like  this  —  to  keep  you  from  bit- 
ing the  sidewalk. —  (All  the  time  crushing  Homans* 
hand)     Try  to  remember! 

SAVILE 

What  of  it?     What'll  that  prove.? 

HOMANS 

That  it  wasn't  "  street-walking.?  " 

VAUX 

No !  but  that  you  were  mistaken  —  about  my  leaving 
the  house:  that  you've  a  better  memory  than  you 
supposed  —  that  it  needs  only  a  little  —  prompting 
and  —  pressure !  —  That's  what  it  proves,  doesn't  it? 
HOMANS  (weakly) 
I  guess  so. 

VAUX 

Be  sure,  Homans!  —  Don't  guess; — a  lady's  name's 
involved. —  You're  sure  she  passed  the  night  in  my 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  105 

rooms.     Now  be  sure  I  wasn't  there:  be  quite  sure  I 
left  the  house  — 
HOMANs  (bent,  almost,  to  his  knees) 
Yes !  damn  you  ! 

VAUX 

And  it  was  z/our  hand  I  grasped? 
HOMANS  (in  final  surrender) 

You  say  so  — 
SAViLE  (to  Vaux) 

And  you'd  remember  — 
HOMANs  (gasping) 

To  make  his   aHbi  —  he'd  "  remember  " —  anything. 

VAUX 

And  if  you'd  ever  crushed  a  hand  —  like  this  — 
you'd  remember  it,  wouldn't  you.'^ 

HOMANS  (fairly  yells,  from  pain) 
Yes !  yes ! 

VAUX  (releasing  him) 

Thank  3'ou,  Mr.  Homans.  (Romans  is  nursing  his 
benumbed,  tingling  hand,  and  trying  to  remove  the 
ring)  (Vaux  re-seizes  the  hand  and  holds  it  up  so 
as  to  shozv  the  ring)  I  thought  you  were  the  man  — 
when  I  felt  that  ring.  (Throws  Homans  aside,  so 
he  nearly  topples  over) 

HOMANS 

You'll  feel  more  rings  —  before  the  night's  over  — 
(Gestures  hand-cuffs,  as  he  crosses  to  window) 
(Throws  open  the  window,  and  signals  to  some  one 
outside;  but  in  a  way  scarcely  noticeable  to  the 
audience;  then  comes  down  to  Vaux)  (With  threat- 
ening gesture)  I  —  I  —  You're  an  old  man  —  and 
before  I'm  done,  you'll  thank  your  stars  for  it ! 


106  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

I'll  do  nothing  of  the  sort. 
HOMANs  (to  Samle) 

As   for   leaving  his   rooms  —  that   part   of   their  — 

alibi  —  he  handled  all  right  — 
TOM  (grimly) 

You've  proof  of  that ! 

HOMANS 

—  And  he  went  straight  back  —  (The  policeman  en- 
ters in  season  to  hear)  —  to  the  little  lady !  —  We'll 
prove  that^  too!  (Rhoda  gasps  in  consternation: 
Vaux  quite  unmoved)  (To  Policeman)  Go  ahead ! 
(Policeman  takes  warrant  from  his  hat) 

VAUX  (intervening) 

One  moment,  officer  — 

HOMANS 

You've  nothing  to  say  — 

VAUX  (as  if  interceding) 

Only  this :  You're  not  quite  alone  in  the  world,  I  sup- 
pose? There's  some  gentle  creature,  somewhere, 
who's  taught  you  kindness,  sympathy,  pity  — 

HOMANS   (brushes  him  aside)      (To  Policeman) 
Go  on! 

VAUX  (continuing ) 

—  A  wife  —  mother,  sweetheart  —  sister  — 

HOMANS 

We'll  leave  the  ladies  out  of  this !     (Waves  his  hand) 

VAUX 

I  thank  you.      (Moves  to  take  Romans^  hand,  which 
is  quickly  withdrawn)      (Crosses  to  Policeman,  as  if 
to  take  warrant)     Tear  it  up !     Don't  serve  it ! 
HOMANS  (quickly  intervenes  and  seizes  the  warrant) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  107 

POUCEMAN 

Too  late,  sir.      (Turns  to  go) 
HOMANs  (to  Policeman,  after  a  puzzled  glance  at  the 
warrant) 
Here !  —  This  isn't  it ! 

POLICEMAN 

That's  what  they  gave  me. 

HOMANS 

Who  —  gave  you  ? 

POLICEMAN 

The  Judge,  at  the  Night-Court. 

HOMANS 

Take  it  back  —  and  hurry  !      (Thrusts  warrant  at 

him)      Have  it  made  out  right. 
POLICEMAN  (not  looking  at  warrant) 

That's  right. 
HOMANS  (sticks  warrant  under  his  eyes) 

Look  at  the  name :  is  that  "  Jane  Doe  "  ^ 
policeman- 
No  !     "  Jolin  Doe." 
HOMANS  (with  disgust) 

"  John  Doe  " !      (Tries  to  make  policeman  take  the 

warrant) 
POLICEMAN  (resisting) 

That's  right! 

VAUX 

In  case  your  real  name  isn't  —  Romans! 
HOMANS  (perplexed) 
My  name? 

POLICEMAN 

That's   right !  —  Maybe  Homans  is  only  your  pro- 


108  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

fessional  name,  Judge  said.     So  thej  put  the  usual 

"  John  Doe." 
HOMANs  (as  if  amused) 

What  is  this  —  some  game  ^ 
POLICEMAN   (nods  "  yes  *')     (Seriously) 

And  you're  it!     (Puts  hand  on  Romans'  shoulder) 

(A  slight  pause) 

HOMANS 

What's  the  charge? 

POLICEMAN 

Perjury. 

HOMANS 

Who  makes  the  complaint? 
POLICEMAN  (indicating  Vaux) 
This  party. 

HOMANS 

That  crazy  loon? 

VAUX 

That's  right ! 

HOMANS 

What  evidence? 
VAUX  (indicating  policeman) 

This  gentleman. 
HOMANS  (staggered,  for  a  second:  then,  deridvngly) 

Policeman's  evidence  ?     Doesn't  go  in  court ! 

VAUX 

O,  yes  —  goes  with  the  ring!     (Indicates  Romans' 
ring) 
POLICEMAN  (after  a  questioning  look  from  Romans) 
That's  right !      (Touches  the  scarf-pin  that  Romans 
had  given  him) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  109 

vAux  (rather  to  Savile  than  Homans) 

The  —  alibi  —  the   Night-Court   will   prove. —  I   sat 

through  the   session   that  night  —  all  night  —  with 

mj  friend,  the  Judge. 
POLICEMAN  (to  Homans,  sotto-voce  and  triumphant ) 

I  told  you  he  was  no  hick ! 
HOMANS  (zmth  unconscious  humor) 

And  jou  told  me  you  went  to  Confession! 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right!      (Crosses  to  Vaux) 
SAVILE  (conws  down  from  Vauj:,  to  Homans) 
Nice  mess  you've  made  of  it ! 

HOMANS 

I'm  not  to  blame !  —  It's  Vaux  —  and  the  way  you 

handled  him. 
SAVILE  (through  his  teeth) 

Way  I  hand — ?  —  Way  he  "handled"  you,  did  it. 
HOMANS  (to  Policeman) 

I  have  your  number! 

VAUX 

I  haven't,  Mr.  Officer  —  but  I  s'pose  we  can  find  you 

on  this  beat? 
POLICEMAN  (assenting) 

'Till    there's    another    shake-up,    down    here. —  Best 

take   my   card.      (Gives   Vaux  card  from  fine  case: 

Vaux  reads  it,  with  a  start:  bows  ceremoniously  to 

the  policeman) 
POLICEMAN  (touches  Homans  on  shoulder,  significantly) 

Shall  we  run  along?  —  Quietly? 

HOMANS 

Like  a  lamb ! 
POLICEMAN  (makes  to  lead  Homans  off) 


110  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

SAviLE  (mtervenkig) 

No  need  of  that!  I'll  vouch  for  his  appearance  in 
Court,  when  called  on.      (Looks  to  Vaux) 

POLICEMAN 

That  won't  do. 
SAVILE  (flarmg) 

My  word  isn't  enough? 

POLICEMAN 

Sorry  —  but  —  the  Commissioner's  a  crank  in  cases 
of  this  sort. 

SAVILE 

You've  only  to  mention  my  name  to  your  Commis- 
sioned — 
POLICEMAN  (mterrwptvng) 
No  good! 

VAUX 

Mr.  Savile's  name  is  good  for  fifty  millions. 

POLICEMAN 

Not  good  for  sour  apples  in  this  case. 
SAVILE  (in  a  rage) 

Why,  you  ruffian !  —  I'll  see  you're  taught  how  to 

deal  with  —  a  gentleman ! 
POLICEMAN  (with  deference) 

You  may  be,  at  that,  sir. —  And  I  try  to  be ;  but  our 

business  is   'gainst  it  —  yours   and  mine  — 'cording 

to  my  daughter. 

SAVILE 

What  the  devil  does  your  daughter  know  of  my — ^ 
POLICEMAN  (placating ) 

Not  you  'specially :  but  —  well,  she  says  there's  only 
three  occupations  for  a  gentleman:  the  farmer  who 
tills  the  land,  the  artist  who  adorns  it,  and  (swvng- 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  111 

ing  his  club)  the  soldier  who  defends  it.      (To  Ho- 

mans)      Come  along! 
VAUX  (infervemng ) 

You  think  the  Commissioner  might  take  my  word  — 

with   Mr.    Savile's  —  for   this   man's   appearance   in 

Court  ? 
POLICEMAN  (patting  Homans  on  back) 

I'll  risk  it !     But  if  the  lamb  skips,  I'm  the  goat ! 

(Exits) 

HOMAXS 

Don't  worry !  —  I'll  be  at  the  post  when  the  bell 
rings. —  (As  he  passes  Rhoda,  to  exit)  — The  little 
lad}'  can  bet  on  that. 
RHODA  (halts  Homans,  by  hand  on  his  shoulder,  so  that 
he  must  look  straight  at  the  prize-fighter's  picture) 
My  father,  Homans  !  —  I'm  glad,  to-night,  he's  dead  ! 
Or  he'd  have  murder  on  his  soul!  (Laughing, 
through  her  tears)  But  I  like  to  think  of  what  he'd 
do  to  you!  (Homans  exits)  (Rhoda  is  about  to 
topple  over:  Tom  moires  to  catch  her,  but  she  avoids 
him,  and  crosses  to  Vaux) 

RHODA 

You  told  me  he  —  cared  for  me. 

VAUX 

Beyond  everything  else  in  the  world ! 
RHODA  (laughs,  to  ridicule  the  very  idea) 
VAUX  (insisting) 

He  loves  you ! 
RHODA  (flaring) 

And  could  question  me  —  like  that  — before  you  — 

and  his  father  —  and  that  beast  of  a  man !      (Exits 

to  Marian's  room,  left) 


112  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

S  A  VILE 

Stupid  blunder  of  that  Homans! 
TOM  (explosive) 
"Blunder"? 

SAVILE 

An  honest  mistake,  I'm  sure. —  Over-zealous  to  make 
a  clear  case. 
VAUX  (grimly) 
He  made  it! 

SAVILE 

Awkward,  of  course,  for  the  girl  —  and  only  one  way 
out! 
VAUX  (exultant ) 

Good!  —  I  knew  you'd  see  it!  (To  Tom)  Fetch 
Miss  Brough —  (Tom  makes  to  go,  but  Savile  stops 
him  hy  a  gesture)  (To  Savile)  So  you  yourself 
can  tell  her. 

SAVILE 

I've  already  told  her  —  how  to  get  out  of  all  this :  — 
get  out !  —  till  this  blows  over  — 

VAUX 

That's  your  "  one  way?  " 

SAVILE 

You  know  a  better? 

VAUX 

There  couldn't  be  worse !  —  Flight  is  always  taken 
for  confession. 

SAVILE 

You'd  rather  she  go  to  court  —  and  tell  the  world  — 
a  sceptical  world  —  of  that  night  in  the  street?  — 
And  in  your  rooms,  Vaux !  —  She  must  tell  it  all !  — 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  113 

as  chief  witness  against  Homans  —  if  she  stays  here. 
Now,  unless  you  prefer  her  society  to  her  reputation, 
let  her  get  out ! 

VAUX 

She  shall !  —  leave  the  country  —  but  with  Tom ! 
TOM  (eagerly) 

That's  the  one  way:  my  wife! 

S  A  VILE 

What !  —  After  this  —  mess? 

VAUX 

Because  of  it ! 

sAviLE  (to  Tom) 

You'll  have  it  cropping-up  the  rest  of  her  life ! 

VAUX 

You'll  beat  it  down ! 

SAVILE 

Not  with  fifty  millions ! 

VAUX 

With  your  position  —  3^our  family  —  your  home  — 
your  name ! 

SAVILE 

They'd  only  keep  the  infernal  scandal  alive  and 
going ! 

TOM 

But  you  see  now  it's  all  a  lie!  Not  one  atom  of 
truth,  from  start  to  finish!  —  Some  fiendish,  damn- 
able mistake  —  at  best  —  at  best,  father  !  —  You 
don't  question  that? 

SAVILE 

Others  will !  —  They'll  always  hint  —  and  question 
—  about  "  young  Savile's  wife." 


114  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

That  will  answer  them  —  your  son's  wife  —  silence 

them,  even  before  they  question. 
SAviLE   (with  hardly-suppressed  impatience ) 

You    concern    yourself    a    lot    over    my    son  —  and 

his—! 
VAUX  (assenting) 

I'm  responsible  for  them,  in  a  way  —  and  to  them, 

—  They   met  through  me ;   in  my  house,  under  my 

eyes  —  thrown  together  —  in  close  companionship. 

SAVILE 

No  closer  than  you  and  she  —  but  you  don't  marry 
her  —  I  notice. —  You're  not  so  crazy  as  all  that ! 
VAUX  (abstractedly  and  wistfully) 

No  !  —  No  !      (Smiling)     And  Miss  Brough  even  less. 

SAVILE 

She'd  cut  a  better  figure  in  Court  —  as  Mrs.  Vaux. 
VAUX  (with  temper) 

Miss  Brough  will  never  go  to  court !  —  I'll  withdraw 
the  charge  against  Homans. 

SAVILE  (zvith  pretence  of  indifference,  but  actually  re- 
lieved) 
Can  you.f^ 

VAUX 

Surely !  —  Or  not  appear  to  press  the  charge. 
That  will  end  it  — 

TOM  (eagerly) 

And  without  scandal,  dad,  or  publicity. —  So  they 
can't  hint  —  or  question  —  about  "  young  Savile's 
wife  " ! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  115 

SAVILE 

Oh?  — That's  the  idea,  eh?  (To  Vaux)  That's 
your  way  out? 

TOM 

And  mine !  —  The  way  I'm  going  to  take, —  And  you 
can't  stop  me !     (Rushes  to  exit,  left) 
SAVILE  (to  Vaux) 

You'd  condone  a  crime  —  compound  a  felony,  the 
Law  calls  it!  —  perjure  yourself,  practically — ? 

VAUX 

Call    it    what    you    like:    I    shan't    appear    against 
Homans. 
SAVILE  (in  rage) 

You  must  —  or  admit  you're  a  humbug !  And  all 
your  roar  and  fire  about  chivalry  just  —  punk!  — 
If  Homans  is  the  scamp  you  say,  see  he's  punished 
—  for  the  sake  of  other  women. —  Don't  give  all 
your  chivalry  to  Miss  Brough!  —  and  make  me  pay 
for  it  —  with  "  my  position  —  family  —  name  "  !  — 
I'd  see  you  damned  first  —  the  whole  pagan  lot  of 
you !  —  You  started  this,  Vaux !  and  you'll  see  it 
through  —  to  the  end  —  or  I'll  know  how  to  make 
you  — 

VAUX 

But  you  won't?     You'll  not  go  that  far? 

SAVILE 

If  need  be  —  I'll  go  to  hell  and  back. 
VAUX  (in  friendly  spirit) 

Don't  come  back  —  Stay  there !  —  if  3'ou  drag  that 
girl  into  court,  you'd  find  Hell  cooler  than  New 
York. 


116  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

SAviLE  ( deridingly ) 

Bah !  —  (Makes  to  go)  What  can  she  do  —  or 
you? 

VAUX  (hopelessly ) 

Nothing !  —  Nothing !  —  You're  Tom's  father  —  We 
can  do  nothing!  (Looks  toward  Marian's  room) 
(Takes  up  hat,  gloves y  to  go)  (With  change  to 
tone  of  ominous  assurance)  But,  Savile  — 
(Beckons  him;  Savile  comes  down)  (Repeats  the 
words  and  tone  Savile  used  to  Rhoda)  —  the  wheels 
of  the  Law  —  once  set  in  motion  — 

CURTAIN 


ACT  THREE 

Two  months  later. 

Same  as  Act  I. 

The  time  is  evening  of  a  Spring  day.  The  light  ad- 
vances slowly  from  the  last  of  the  sunlight  to  twilight 
and  dusk;  then  to  the  pale  silver  of  the  new  moon. 

At  rise  of  curtain  Higgins  is  clearing  various  articles 
out  of  the  studio;  some  he  tosses  into  the  room  at  left: 
others  —  costumes  of  models,  sculptor's  tools,  studio 
*'  props,'*  etc. —  he  throws  in  an  antique ^chest;  articles 
of  apparel,  hats,  shoes,  old  coats,  etc.,  he  makes  into  a 
bundle  to  carry  off.  From  time  to  time,  as  he  picks  up 
some  well  remembered  costume  or  some  "  props  "  asso- 
ciated with  the  statue,  he  sniffles  and  throws  them  into 
the  discard  with  a  mumbled  *'  Crime  " —  Ifs  a  crime!  '* 

A  knock  at  the  door;  Higgins  crosses  and  opens. 

s  A  VILE  (entering  gruffly) 
Is  he  in? 

HIGGINS 

No,  sir. —  He's  gone  to  fetch  Miss  Brough. —  You 
may  find  him  over  at  the  Lafayette  —  having  an  ice 
and  some  —  patisserie. 
sAviLE  (looking  about) 

H'm!  —  Must  have  sold  something! 

HIGGINS 

Some   of   his    old-clothes,   maybe. —  Never   heard   of 

your  son  selling  a  picture! 

117 


118  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

sAviLE  (turns  sharply) 

Mr.  Vaux,  I'm  asking  for.     I  want  to  see  hvm. 

HIGGINS 

I'm  not  sure  if  he's  in  —  and,  anyway,  he's  with  a 

gentleman.      (Nods  off) 
SAVILE  (in  low  voice) 

Find  out!     (Higgins  moves  up  to  alcove,   the  cur- 
tains of  which  are  drawn) 
VAUX  (entering  from  alcove) 

Mr.  Savile.      (Signs  Higgins  to  go) 
SAVILE  (hands  Vaux  letter  in  official-looking  envelope) 

Who's  that  from? 
VAUX  (indicating  print  on  envelope) 

Police-headquarters,  evidently. 

SAVILE 

Request  —  rather  peremptory  —  to  confer  here  with 
one  of  the  Department.  Your  friend  —  the  police- 
man? 

VAUX 

Most  likely.  (Enter  from  alcove,  the  Policeman: 
now,  apparently,  a  man-of -fashion;  his  morning 
coat,  trousers  of  dark  stripe,  patent  leathers,  top 
hat,  light  gloves,  all  of  the  best  mode)  (To  Savile, 
presenting  the  Policeman)  You've  met  before  — 
you  gentlemen? 

SAVILE 

I  don't  recall  the  —  gentleman  —  unless,  possibly 
—  (Looking  Policeman  over)  you've  changed  your 
tailor. 

POLICEMAN 

'ight. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  119 

S  A  VILE 

H'm  —  yes.     Now   I   recognize   you. —  But  —  quick 
promotion,  isn't  it  —  from  the  side-walk.? 

POLICEMAN 

I  was  on  special  duty  on  that  occasion.     And  merely 

as     substitute.     I'm,     regularly,     on     desk-work. — 

There'd  been   trouble  in  this   precinct   as  you  may 

know  — 
SEviLE  (impatiently) 

Only  from  the  newspapers. 
POLICEMAN  (conti/nuing) 

And  it  was  necessary  to  learn  —  the  truth  —  at  first 

hand. 

SAVILE 

Yes,  I've  read  about  your  freak  Commissioner  —  how 
he  sometimes  "  pounds  the  sidewalk,"  himself. 
POLICEMAN  (assenting) 

To  see  just  what's  going-on  —  with  his  own  e^^es. 

SAVILE 

Like  the  Sultan  of  Bagdad  —  Haroun-Al-Raschid.? 
POLICEMAN  (assenting) 

And  Mr.  Roosevelt  —  when  he  was  Commissioner. 

SAVILE 

For  so  small  a  case  you  folks  took  a  lot  of  trouble  — 
to  get  at  the  bottom. 

POLICEMAN 

It's  more  trouble  to  get  at  the  top  in  these  cases ;  — 
to  reach  the  men  of  influence,  wealth,  power,  who 
corrupt  the  force  for  some  wretched  purpose  of 
their  own. —  The  force,  as  a  whole,  is  sound :  no 
finer  body  of  men  in  the  world.  But  there  are 
some  weak  members,  of  course,  and  if  the  opal-pin 


120  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

is  big  enough,  and  the  man  back  of  it,  big  enough  — 
why,  jour  own  daughter,  Mr.  Savile,  might  undergo 
just  what  Homans  planned  for  Miss  Brough. 

SAVILE 

The    only    plan  —  (to    Vaux)    you    heard    Homans 

—  was  a  clean-up  of  the  district. 
POLICEMAN  (assenting) 

And,  to  his  sort,  a  clean-up  means  "  pick-up  " —  and 
if  that  fails,  "  frame  up." —  And  back  of  him,  usu- 
ally —  that's  what  roils  us  !  —  is  some  one  we  can't 
"  send-up." 
SAVILE  (with  ill-suppressed  chuckle) 

Can't  prove  your  case,  eh.^  —  Haven't  the  evidence 
to  convict.? 

POLICEMAN 

Oh,  yes,  plenty  evidence  to  convict  —  before  any 
jury  we  can  keep  an  eye  on  —  and  any  judge  he 
can't  get  his  hands  on. 

SAVILE 

But,  of  course,  if  he's  rich  and  powerful  —  big  man, 
as  you  say  —  he  appeals  the  case,  straight  up  the 
line .? 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right !  —  And  somewhere  "  up  the  line  "  he's 
sure  to  find  a  judge  of  his  own  making,  or  his 
friends':  a  judge  the  press  and  public  can't  keep  an 
eye  on,  because  he  works  behind  the  silken  screen  of 
ancient  dignities,  authority  and  cunning  technicali- 
ties. In  the  end  —  we  see  it  right  along  in  these 
cases  —  the   Big  Man   is   scot-free  — "  vindicated !  " 

—  He  twiddles  his  fingers  at  the  Law :  the  decent  fel- 
lows   on    the    force    shrug    their    shoulders    with    a 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  121 

"  what's-the-use?  " — Why,  sir,  a  case  of  this  sort  — 
"  small,"  you  call  it  —  does  more  to  discredit  author- 
ity, demoralize  order,  than  I.  W.  W.'s,  or  sputtering, 
soap-box  Anarchists  or  even  Labor  driven  to  des- 
perate remedies.  They're  not  the  real  menace  to  the 
community.  They  fight  in  the  open :  boldly  and 
frankly  defy  the  Law.  It's  the  other  sort  that  beats 
us  —  the  Big  Man,  who  works  underground  —  under- 
mines the  Law  — 
SAviLE  (rising^  impatiently ) 

What  are  you  driving  at  ?  —  I  came  here  to  meet  a 
policeman  —  to  hear  some  facts  —  not  a  Cooper- 
Union  lecture! 

POLICEMAN 

You're  quite  right,  sir. —  I  am  a  bit  of  a  bore  on  the 
subject  of  the  Department  —  and  scamps  like  Ro- 
mans. 

SAVILE 

What'll  he  get?  — Romans? 

POLICEMAN 

You  know  what  he  ought  to  get? 
SAVILE  (sullenly) 

Yes  —  for  his  —  stupidity ! 

POLICEMAN 

And  he'll  get  it  —  if  you  say  the  word. 

SAVILE 

If  I—? 

POLICEMAN  (nods  **  yes  **) 
It's  up  to  you,  Mr.  Savile. 

SAVILE 

"  Up  to  me  "?     What  the  devil  have  I  to  do  with  it? 


122  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

POLICEMAN 

Homans  can't  be  tried  without  the  evidence  of  Miss 
B  rough. 

S  A  VILE 

What's  that  to  me? 

POLICEMAN 

Your  son's  fiancee? 

VAUX  (quickly) 

And  before  the  case  comes  to  trial  —  your  daughter- 
in-law. 

POLICEMAN 

Now,  of  course,  if  you're  willing  that  ypung  Mrs. 
Savile  should  figure  in  the  case  — 

SAVILE 

Perfectly  willing!     Why  not? 

POLICEMAN 

Well,  it's  an  ugly  story.  And  ugly  questions  will  be 
asked  — 

SAVILE 

What  questions? 

POLICEMAN 

Oh,  you  can't  foretell  what  the  law  may  grind  out,, 
once  you  set  the  wheels  going  —  'gainst  a  hawk  like 
Homans  — 

SAVILE 

And  to  spare  a  lady  some  awkward  questions,  you'd 
free  the  hawk? 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right! 

SAVILE 

You  say  that  is  right? 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  123 

POLICEMAN 

That's  for  you  to  say.      Shall  the  hawk  go  free  now 

his  claws   are  pulled  —  his  wings  cut  —  a  brand  on 

him  ?     Or  shall  we  cage  the  hawk  —  with  the  help  of 

young  Mrs.  Savile? 
VAUX  (after  a  pause) 

What  do  you  say,  Savile? 
SAVILE   (to  Policeman) 

I'll  answer  that  when  Miss   Brough  is  young  Mrs. 

Savile. 

POLICEMAN 

Then   I'll  have  your   answer  —  say  —  by  —  (Looks 
at  his  watch)  ten  o'clock.-^ 
SAVILE  (in  a  rage) 
To-night.? 

POLICEMAN 

That's   right !  —  Mr.  Vaux  is  leaving  town  to-mor- 
row, and  you  must  settle  this  matter  before  he  goes. 
SAVILE  (furious) 

Who  the  hell  are  you,  to  order  me  about  —  this  fash- 
ion .^^ —  I'll  see  your  Department  'bout  this  —  and 
at  once !     (Makes  to  go) 

POLICEMAN 

I'll  take  you  there. —  My  car's  below. 

SAVILE 

Is  the  Commissioner  in  —  at  this  hour.^^ 
POLICEMAN  (zmth  significa/nt  smile) 

He  will  be  when  /  get  there. 
SAVILE  (with  a  grimace  of  dismay) 

H'm !  —  The  "  freak  "  himself,  eh  ? 

POLICEMAN 

That's  right!     (Exits) 


124  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

SAViLE    (with  unconscious  humor) 

You  expect  the  police  to  be  honest,  with  a  man  like 
that  at  the  head  ?  Ready  to  condone  a  felony !  A 
black-mailer  —  that's  what  he  is  —  a  common  black- 
mailer !     Thinks  he  can  frighten  me bully-rag  me 

—  because  he  suspects  something! 

VAUX 

You're  wrong,  Savile ;  he  suspects  nothing. 

SAVILE 

Then  what's  his  talk  of  my  —  (wincing)  —  daugh- 
ter-in-law? 

VAUX 

I  told  him  Tom  was  going  to  marry  Miss  Brough  — 
'mediately. 

SAVILE 

I'm  damned  if  he  does !     No  matter  what  that  black- 
mailer may  think  or  suspect  — 
VAUX  (breaking  in  —  reassuringly) 

Nothing!  Set  3^our  mind  at  rest.  The  Commis- 
sioner suspects  nothing  of  your  part  in  this  business. 
(Savile  sighs  relief)  He  knows,  Savile,  he  knows 
everything.  Homans  has  confessed  —  kept  nothing 
back. 

SAVILE 

The  crook !  —  The  lying  crook ! 
VAUX  (grimly) 

That's  right !  (Enter  Tom  and  Rhoda.)  (There  is 
a  slight  pause) 

TOM 

Dad,  Rhoda's  waiting  to  hear  you. 

SAVILE 

I've  nothing  to  say  to  Miss  Brough. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  1^5 

TOM 

The  Commissioner  thinks  you  have. 

SAVILE 

Miss  Brough,  I  don't  care  to  quarrel  with  Tom,  on 
your  account  — 

RHODA 

No,  don't,  please.      'Tisn't  worth  while. 

SAVILE 

He  seems  to  think  I  should  explain  that  blunder  of 
Homans  — 

RHODA 

But  there's  no  need  to  explain ;  it's  all  quite  clear  to 
my  mind. 

SAVILE 

You  understand,  of  course,  how  it  came  about. 

RHODA 

I  think  I  understand  —  perfectly. 

SAVILE 

There  were  many  suspicious  circumstances.      For  one 
thing  —  your  father. 

RHODA 

What  about  "Dad?" 

SAVILE 

He  frequently  had  trouble  with  the  police. 
RHODA  (flaring) 

Never!     Never!     Police    had    trouble    with    him  — 
maybe  —  but  — 

SAVILE 

Well,  there's  your  furs.  Miss  Brough. 

RHODA 

My  "furs?" 


126  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

S  A  VILE 

A  coat  you  wear,  extraordinary  —  Homans  thought 

—  for  a  girl  in  your  position  —  a  coat  worth,  he 
says, —  two  —  three  hundred  dollars. 

KHODA  (as  if  astonished) 

Two  or  three  hundred  !  My  coat?  When  my  father 
wore  a  fur  coat,  Mr.  Savile,  he  didn't  wear  alley- 
cat,  musk-rat,  nor  Japanese  mink.  Two  or  three 
thousand  it's  w^orth  —  and  a  lot  more  — 'cause  the 
fur-man  at  our  shop  offered  that  for  it.  And  my 
father  earned  it  in  one  night,  God  rest  his  soul !  — 
when  he  knocked  out  "  Slugger  Slavinski  " —  and  he 
twenty  pounds  heavier  than  father  —  Higgins'll  tell 
you  —  he  saw  the  fight  —  and  Dad  backed  himself  to 
win,  six-to-one  against  him  —  and  they  having  it  all 
fixed  to  dope  father  after  the  eighth  round,  with  a 
swig  of  whiskey ;  but  it  didn't  work  'cause  Dad  never 
touched  whiskey  in  a  fight  —  nor  anything  but  cham- 
pagne —  and  he  won  enough  that  night  for  the  coat 

—  and  all  his  debts  —  and  masses  for  his  parents  and 
some  of  the  neighbors.  To  me  it  isn't  a  —  coat;  it's 
a  —  religion  !  Thank  God,  Homans  didn't  know  how 
much  it's  worth  that  night  he  tried  to  steal  my  char- 
acter; he'd  have  stolen  my  coat  instead. 

S  A  VILE 

That  was  a  blunder,  I  admit  —  and  you're  entitled 
to  some  decent  amend. 

VAUX 

There's  only  one  —  decent  amend  for  such  a  blunder. 

TOM 

And  I'm  the  one  to  make  it  —  or  try  to. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  127 

S  A  VILE 

You  try  it  —  and  see  how  you'll  live ! 

TOM 

I  can  do  —  something  —  with  paint. 

SAVILE 

You  can't  eat  paint  —  nor  clothe  yourself  with  it  — 
though  maybe  she  could  —  And  you  can't  paint  room- 
rent  — 
vAux  (to  Tom,  reassuringly ) 

The  rent-agent  is  quite  S3^mpathetic. 

SAVILE 

Not  mine !  —  I've  bought  this  building. 

VAUX 

I  congratulate  3^our  tenants. 

SAVILE 

The  place  will  be  cleaned-up. 

VAUX 

Again  I  congratulate  3^our  tenants. 

SAVILE 

And,  from  next  month,  the  rent's  doubled. 

VAUX 

I  still  congratulate  your  tenants ;  —  they'll  have  to 
move  out. 

SAVILE 

That's  the  idea !  —  to  get  rid  of  the  —  (Glaring  at 
Rhoda)     riff-rafF!     (Exits) 

RHODA 

"  RifF-raff  " !     And   you  were  sure  he'd   consent   to 
your  marrying  — 

TOM 

Hang  his  consent  —  so  long  as  I  have  yours ! 


128  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

That's  the  spirit!     Now,  run  along  and  have  it  over 
with ! 
EH  CD  A   (astonished) 
Now?     Now? 

TOM 

Certainly. 

RHODA 

I'd  want  to  talk  it  over,  first,  with  Marian. 

TQM 

We  know  what  that  means. 

RHODA 

I  told  her  I  would :  —  she's  been  like  a  sister  to  me  — 
and  made  me  promise. 

TOM 

So   she   could  dissuade  you.     Marian  Gray's  never 
liked  me  — 

VAUX 

That  wouldn't  count  with  Miss  Brough  —  once  she's 
made  up  her  mind. 

RHODA 

Of  course  not ! —  But  we  couldn't  marry  like  this  — • 
to-night ! 

TOM 

Why   not?  —  Mr.    Vaux   wants    us    to   marry,    noxv. 
(Rhoda  looks  to  Vaux  who  nods  "  i/es  '*J 
RHODA  (reluctant) 

But    there's    a    lot    of    things  —  aren't    there?  —  a 
license  —  and  —  whole  rigamarole? 

VAUX 

It's  all  been  attended  to  —  license,  witness,  parson  — 
and  the  rest  of  the  —  rigamarole  — 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  129 

IIHODA 

Not  now !  —  Wait,  Tom. —  Later,  maybe,  when  I  get 
that  awful  man  out  of  my  mind  —  (Hands  over 
eyes  as  if  to  shut  out  tlie  vivid  memory)  —  and  your 
questions  —  that  night  — 

TOM 

I  was  a  mad-man,  Rhoda,  to  question  you ;  but  I  for- 
got   everything  —  except    that    I    loved    you. —  And 
when  I  had  to  hear  that  hideous  story  —  that  you 
w^ouldn't  deny  —  wouldn't  even  answer  — 
RHODA  (hands  over  ears) 
Don't,  please,  don't ! 

TOM 

Can't  you  forgive  me.^  (To  Vaux,  at  -window)  Tell 
her  —  she  must  —  and  forget  it  all,  as  I  do. —  She 
will,  if  you  tell  her.  (Rhoda  looks  at  Vaux,  question- 
ingly) 

VAVX 

Her  own  heart  will  tell  you,  presently. —  Go  'cross  to 
the  Square !  (Opens  wide  the  window:  one  hears 
chirping  birds,  shouts  of  children,  and  a  hand- 
organ)  Don't  lose  this  new  Spring  day  —  with  the 
trees  just  budding,  and  the  flowers  in  bloom  —  and 
the  "  kids  "  dancing  to  the  hand-organ  —  and  the 
birds,  too !  (To  Rhoda)  See  how  they  forget  — 
the  birds  and  flowers  and  trees  —  they've  forgotten 
there  ever  were  clouds  and  storms  and  killing  snows 
of  winter. —  And  so  will  you ! 

TOM 

Come  along,  Rhoda. 
RHODA  (to  Vaux) 
And  you,  too ! 


130  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

No,  I've  some  things  to  'tend  to. — (To  Tom)  After, 
take  Miss  Brough  to  dinner  —  really  dinner,  no  table 
d'hote!  —  And  see  a  jolly  play  —  and  walk  home  in 
the  moonlight. —  This  lady's  never  herself, —  her  best 
self  —  I  'magine,  except  in  the  moonlight.  Put  this 
on  —  the  evenings  are  chilly.  (He  helps  her  into  the 
Spanish  coat  she  wore  when  posing  for  Didcinea) 

RHODA 

Do  come  with  us  ! 
TOM  (protesting) 

He  can't,  he  says. 
RHODA  (insisting) 

Can't  you,  really?  —  Please,  Mr.  Vaux! 

VAUX 

Be  off,  you  humbug! 

RHODA 

Very  well,  then. —  (Makes  to  exit :  turns)  O  — 
here's  the  key.      (Puts  it  on  table) 

VAUX 

Thanks. —  And,  on  your  way  out,  knock  at  Watts' 

door. —  Say  I'd  like  to  see  him. 
RHODA  (turning  at  door) 

You'll  be  in,  later.? 
VAUX  (evasively) 

If  not,  I'll  leave  the  key  under  the  mat. 

RHODA 

Don't  forget!      (Exits) 
VAUX  (alone)      (with  a  wistful  smile) 

"  Don't  forget  "  !  I  must  —  forget  —  or  I'd  — 
With  her  goes  the  very  breath  of  the  place  —  (Be- 
gins to  clear  out  desk:  throxm  letters,  papers,  pic- 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  131 

tures  into  the  fire-place,  etc.)  I  can't  live  here  — 
without  her  —  with  all  these  things  to  remind  me. — 
Every  time  that  knob  turns  I'd  — !  (The  door 
opens;  he  turns  xdth  joyous  expectancy  as  if  to 
Rhoda,  but  sees,  instead,  Watts) 

VAUX   (in  tone  that  tries  vairdy  to  conceal  his  disap- 
pointment) 
O,  it's  you,  Watts ! 

w^ATTs  (peeved) 

They  said  you  wished  to  see  me. —  Evidently  a  mis- 
take —     (Turns  to  go) 

VAUX 

No,  no  —  I  did  want  to  see  you  —  But  you're  going 
out  —  in     war-paint  — (Indicates     Watts'     evening 
clothes) 
WATTS  (airily) 

Nothing  'special:  just  dining. —  I  can't  stand  day- 
clothes  after  six! — What's  up? 

VAUX 

It's  about  the  "  Royal  Sneeze  "  gentleman  — 
WATTS  (delighted) 
Griggs  ?  —  Good  ! 

VAUX 

Do  you  suppose  he's  lost  interest  in  my  "  Quixote  ".^^ 

WATTS 

"Lost     interest".^ — He's     lost     weight,     over     it! 
Pining  away  for  it ! 
VAUX  (alarmed) 

You  think  he'd  take  it? 

WATTS 

He'd  cart  it  away  himself  —  to-night. 


132  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

vAux  (shaking  his  head  sorrowfully ) 
H'm  —  h'm  —  h'm !     Bad  as  that,  eh  ? 

WATTS 

It's  got  into  his  blood  —  his  advertising  blood  —  and 
you  know  what  that  means. 
VAUX  (ruefully) 

Yes,  and  I'm  very  happy. 

WATTS 

You  don't  look  it !  —  Buck  up  !  —  Griggs  is  always 
talking  of  it. 

VAUX 

You  haven't  said  anything  lately  —  warned  me, 
in  any  way, —  and  —  (Brightening)  —  I  thought, 
maybe,  he'd  given  it  up. —  (Relapsing  into  melan- 
choly)    But  it  seems  not,  eh?     He  won't  back  out? 

WATTS 

No  !     And  you  shan't,  either  ! 

VAUX  (with  forced  gaiety) 

No,  no,  of  course  not !  —  I'm  quite  resolved  —  and 
resigned  —  to  let  him  have  it. —  And  I'm  going  to  be 
very  gay  over  it !  —  It's  a  stroke  of  luck  —  in  the 
nick  of  time  —  and  I've  every  reason  to  be  grateful 
to  Heaven  —  and  to  you  —  and  Griggs  —  and  his 
five-cent  cigar. —  Ha  —  ha  —  ha  ! 

WATTS  (laughing  with  him) 

That's  the  spirit !     Vive-la-bagatelle  ! 

VAUX 

No  —  vive-la-cachuca ! 

WATTS 

Forget  that! 

VAUX 

I  shall  —  when  I'm  away  from  here. —  And  I'm  go- 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  133 

ing,  Watts,  the  moment  this  business  is  arranged  — 
I'm  ofF! 
WATTS  (amazed) 
Where? 

VAUX 

I  don't  know  —  but  somewhere  a  long  way  off. — 
And  I'll  be  gone  a  long  time  —  and  I  mean  to  travel 
foot-free  and  care-free.  I'll  take  with  me  nothing  — 
almost  —  except  what's  on  my  back. —  Higgins  will 
take  what  clothes  he  wants ; —  give  the  rest  to  Jake, 
the  janitor — and  the  furniture  to  Jake's  wife  —  so 
I'll  never  see  them  again ! 

WATTS 

My  dear  Vaux,  you're  going  to  stay  here,  with  us ! 

VAUX 

No,  no,  no !  I  couldn't  be  here  while  that's  going  on. 
—  So  I'm  running  away. —  It's  cowardly,  I  know, 
but  I  couldn't  stand  it.  Watts,  to  see  the  child  of  my 
heart  in  every  barroom :  and  tobacco-booth  where 
they  drug  their  patrons  with  trading-stamps :  in  the 
five-cent  shops,  my  "Don  Quixote"  cheek-by- j owl 
with  "  JefF  and  Mutt  "  and  "  Kewpie  "  and  '"*  Billi- 
kens  "  —  and  all  to  advertise  their  "  Cachuca  "  !  — ■ 
That,  perhaps,  I  could  endure,  but  the  thought  of  the 
wives,  sweethearts,  mothers  —  orphans,  maybe  — 
who'd  have  to  suffer  the  fumes  of  the  thing !  —  And 
no  escape  for  them  —  you  heard  Griggs  threaten  — 
they'd  sell  'em  by  millions  !  —  And  I'll  have  'em  on 
my  conscience! 

WATTS 

O,  it  isn't  so  hopeless ! 


134  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

No,  I  have  one  lingering  hope :  —  the  more  they  ad- 
vertise Don  Quixote,  the  less  cigars  they'll  sell ! 

WATTS 

Put  that  out  of  your  mind  i 

VAUX 

Never,  Watts !  —  Mary,  Queen  of  Scots,  said  when 

she  died  they'd  find  "  Calais  "  written  on  her  heart. 

On  mine,  good  friend,  you'll  find  "  Cachuca  " ! 
WATTS  (alarmed) 

My  dear,  good,  friend. —  You're  not  yourself ! 
VAUX  (reassuringly) 

Quite!     Quite! 

WATTS 

Hell,  no  !  —  You're  burned  out  —  with  this  work  — 
VAUX  (laughing  lightly) 
Nonsense  !     I've  loved  it ! 

WATTS 

That's  just  it!  —  You've  given  it  your  whole,  won- 
drous heart  —  and  soul  —  and  all  your  being. —  Let 
me  manage  this  for  3^ou. —  I'll  make  Griggs  get  out  a 
new  cigar  —  ^^«-center  —  name  it  "  Don  Quixote  " — 
and  your  picture  on  every  box ! 
VAUX  (horrified) 
My  dear  Watts ! 

WATTS 

See  what  it's  done  for  me !  —  Just  my  portrait  in- 
dorsing "  Royal   Sneeze  "  !  —  Sold  my   old   novel  — 
"  Millions   in   a  JifFy  " —  fifty   thousand  —  in   three 
months ! 
VAUX  (patting  hvm  on  the  hack) 
A  "best-seller,"  eh? 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  1^5 

WATTS  (ruefully) 

Yes,  and  as  bad  as  the  best  of  them ! 

VAUX    (consolingly) 

Well,  you'll  never  have  to  do  it  again. 

WATTS  (nods  '*  2/^5,"  with  emphasis) 

Once  more  !  for  a  place  on  Long  Island  1  (Hands  hi/in 
a  book  showily  hound)  There's  the  book!  (Vaux 
glances  through  it)  Publishers  fought  for  it !  Will 
sell  —  quarter  million  !  —  Just  what  the  public  want : 
grounds  for  divorce  in  ever}^  chapter ! 

VAUX  (glanciiig  through  hook) 

And  all  the  "  grounds,"  it  seems,  in  choice  location : 
Fifth  Avenue  —  Palm  Beach  —  Newport  — 

WATTS  (assenting ) 

Dirt  with  diamond-dust !  —  That's  what  they  want ! 

—  Taradiddles  and  tiaras  ! 

VAUX 

My  dear  friend,  I'm  'fraid  your  years  of  struggle, 
poverty  —  have  left  some  of  their  bitterness. 

WATTS 

No  !    There  was  none,  ever !  in  those  years  of  poverty 

—  lived  with  your  own  kind !  —  It's  only  when  you 
get  into  that  other  world,  a  world  without  ideals  or 
dreams,  hopes  or  any  ambitions  beyond  stuffing  their 
pocketbook  and  filling  their  bellies !  —  Come  on,  let's 
go  up  where  they  do  it!  (Puts  his  arm  through 
Vaux's) 

VAUX  (shocked) 

But,  my  dear  Watts !  (Eyes  on  page)  Here's 
"  damn  "— "  hell  "—  blankety  —  blank  —  damn  — 
dash  — 


136  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

WATTS 

"  Blank  "— "  dash  "—  nothing!  —  Printed  in  full  — 
all  over  the  place !     That's  the  fashion ! 

VAUX 

But  swearing's  out-of-f ashion  —  damn  it !  —  every- 
where —  except  beer-cellars ! 

WATTS  (assenting) 

Beer-cellars  and  best-sellers !  —  You  must  stick  'em 
in  —  "  damns  "  and  "  hells  " —  thick  as  raisins  !  — 
Then  they  say  your  work  has  "  stuff  "  1  — "  punch  "  ! ! 
— "  guts  "  ! ! ! 

VAUX  (sardonic) 

The  top-note  of  praise,  eh?  — 

WATTS 

They'll  say  it  of  your  Quixote ! 
VAUX  (horrified) 

That  he  has  gu  —  gullets  ?  —  giblets  ?  —  gizzards  ? 
(Angrily)  Then  I'll  not  sell  —  (Change  to  tone 
of  hopeless  despair)  Yes  !  Must !  —  must !  —  And 
you  shan't  talk  me  out  of  it !  —  Be  off !  —  Get  out ! 
(Pointing  to  statue)      He's  doomed! 

WATTS 

But  not  to  Griggs  !  —  Some  one  else  will  —     (Struck 
hy  an  idea)     By  Jove,  I  will  —  I'll  buy  it ! 
VAUX  (chafpngly) 
For  Central  Park? 

WATTS 

What !  'mong  those  cast-iron  "  Prince-Alberts  "  ? 
(Postures  like  the  much-ridiculed  statues  in  Central 
Park)  I'll  put  it  in  my  own  park  —  my  place  on 
Long  Island. —  Whatever  you  say,  Vaux  —  and,  we'll 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  137 

close  the  deal  now  —  (Takes  huge  roll  of  bills  from 
pocket)  —  so  Griggs  can't  tempt  you. 

VAUX  (refusing) 

Nonsense !  —  indulge  my  pride  —  and  vanity  —  at 
your  expense —  (The  clock  strikes  the  quarter- 
hour)  (There's  a  knock  at  the  door.  Vaux  crosses 
to  open,  but  stops  suddenly:  stands  a  second  in 
troubled  thought:  then  goes  up  stage  and  closes  the 
folding-doors  of  the  alcove,  so  as  to  shut  out  viem  of 
statue.  Stands  there,  as  if  on  guard)  (The  knock 
is  repeated) 

VAUX  (in  low-tone) 
Come  1 

WATTS  (in  loud  tone) 

Come  in!      (Griggs  enters) 

GRIGGS 

'Fraid  I'm  not  very  prompt,  Mr.  Vaux  — 
VAUX  (ruefully) 
Horribly ! 

GRIGGS 

President  of  our  company's  in  town  —  from  Boston 

—  and  when  I  got  your  message  —  to  call  —  (Watts 
indicates  surprise  to  find  that  Vaux  sent  for  Griggs) 

GRIGGS  (continues  proudly) 

—  I  was  having  tea  with  him,  and  his  daughter.  She 
rushed  me  right  down  here  —  while  you're  in  the 
mood,  she  said :  it  might  change  when  the  moon  came 
up. —  And  she  swears  her  father  must  have  your  — 
(Points  to  alcove) 

VAUX  (bowing) 
Honored ! 


138  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

GRIGGS 

She's  waiting  below,  till  it's  settled  — 
vAux  (seeing  a  way  out) 

Then  let  it  go  for  the  present  —  (Hands  Griggs 
his  hat)  Don't  keep  a  lady  waiting —  (Urges  him 
off)      Come  back  later  —  next  week  —  or  next  year. 

GRIGGS 

Do  you  mind  having  her  in? 
VAUx  (embarrassed) 

Well  —  I  —  I  —     (Turns  up  stage,  troubled) 
GRIGGS  (sotto-voce  to  Watts) 

Go  fetch  her ! 
WATTS  (gestures  unwiUingness) 
GRIGGS  (insisting) 

I  don't  dare. —  He'd  bolt  the  door  —  He's  wavering 

now. 
w^ATTs  (aloud) 

Mr.  Vaux  can't  talk  business  before  a  lady. 

GRIGGS 

ril  talk  the  business  —  unless  you've  beat  me  to  it. 

VAUX 

No,  no.     Mr.  Watts  didn't  know  I'd  sent  for  you. 

WATTS 

But  I've  made  him  an  offer  — 

GRIGGS 

What  price  .P 

WATTS 

His  own!     (Exits) 

VAUX 

But  I've  declined  it,  Mr.  Griggs. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  139 

GRIGGS 

Then   you're  not  hard-up !     I  hoped  —  when  I  got 
your  note  — 
vAux  (nods  '*  yes  "J 

I  have  need  of  money. 

GRIGGS 

Glad  of  it  —  for  myself  and  you,  too!  'Cause  it's 
going  to  be  a  great  thing  for  you,  Mr.  Vaux  —  and 
for  —  for  —  your  friend  there  on  the  horse  —  I 
never  can  get  his  name  just  right. —  Before  I  get 
through,  he'll  be  notorious  !  —  And  you,  too  ! 
VAUX  (with  a  sigh  of  despair) 
And  the  Cachuca! 

GRIGGS 

Yes,  but  not  the  Cachuca  you  know  —  and  Watts  — 
used  to  know.     We've  improved  it. 

VAUX 

You  could  improve  it  only  by  —  drowning  it. 

GRIGGS 

That's  what  we've  done ;  destroyed  it ! 
VAUX  (with  deep  how) 

I  salute  you ! 
GRIGGS  (hands  him  a  cigar) 

There's    the   new    Cachuca  —  that'll    advertise   your 

statue  —  and  it  —  sizzles  ! 

VAUX 

So  does  the  other ! 

GRIGGS 

Yes,    but    this    has    "  stufF  "—"  pep  "—"  punch  "— 
"  gu —     (Watts  and  Marian  at  door  before  he  can 
complete  the  word) 
VAUX  (starts  and  winces) 


140  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

WATTS  (hems  and  coughs  warnmgl'y) 
GRIGGS  (presenting) 

President's  daughter  —  Miss  Gray. 
MARIAN  (greeting  Vaux) 

"  Marian  " —  to  Mr.  Vaux. 

VAUX 

We're  old  friends. 

GRIGGS  (presenting) 

Mr.  Watts  —  of  "  The  Royal  Sneeze." 

MARIAN  (with  mock  distance) 

I  recognize  him  —  from  the  portrait. 

GRIGGS  (to  Vaux) 

Miss  Gray  swears  —  (The  others  disconcerted)  —  by 
your  friend  there  —  (Nods  tozmrd  statue)  —  Got 
her  father  to  read  your  book. —  /  told  him  the  author 
was  a  friend  of  Watts  —  and  why  you  wouldn't  sell 
us  the  figger.  That  started  him  thinking  'bout 
"  Cre-o-soty  " —  and  it  got  in  his  blood,  he  said,  and 
to  get  the  statue  by  hook  or  crook  — 

VAUX 

And  this  is  the  —  "  crook  "  ?  (Scents  the  cigar,  with 
obvious  gratification)     H'm! 

GRIGGS 

Yes,  it's  full  of  pu — 
WATTS  (with  a  winky  or  nudge,  to  Griggs) 
Pu  —  pure  Havana. 

GRIGGS 

Nothing  but! 
WATTS  (same  business) 

Made  by  well-paid  labor?  — 

GRIGGS 

The  best! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  141 

WATTS 

In  good  work-rooms  ? 

GRIGGS 

Antiseptic  !  —  And  sold  for  near  cost  —  no  profit  to 
speak  of  —  except  for  the  enormous  sales  — 

VAUX 

But  still  "five-cents"? 

GRIGGS 

Yes,  but  "  straight  " —  no  more  "  six  for  a  quarter." 

VAUX 

I  thank  3^ou  —  in  behalf  of  —  (Throws  open  the  fold- 
ing-doors showing  the  now  completed  statue,  gleam- 
ing under  a  -flood  of  brilliant  light  from  above:  then 
stands  aside,  in  attitude  of  dejection.) 
GRIGGS  (with  enthusiasm) 

By  Jiminy  !  —  When  our  President  sees  that !  —  puff-, 
ing  a  Cachuca!  (Turns  and  notes  Vaux's  sombre 
manner)      Say,  if  the  terms  I  named  aren't  enough  — 

VAUX 

Too  much  —  now  —  with  so  slight  a  profit  in  the 
Cachuca. 

GRIGGS 

Don't  worry  'bout  that !  —  Any  extra  value  we  put 
in  the  Cachuca,  we'll  hook  out  of  our  Perfectos,  and 
other  expensive  stuff. 
VAUX  (smiling) 

I  thought  there  was  a  catch  —  somewhere ! 

GRIGGS 

That's  only  robbing  the  wealthy  — 
WATTS  (coughs  warningly ) 
GRIGGS  (quickly  continues) 

And  they're  better  off,  with  cigars  not  so  rich  and 


in  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

heavy. —  Well,  what  say  ?  —  Shall  we  call  it  a  bar- 
gain? 
VAUX  (winces  at  the  word) 

I  _  I  _  don't  know  —  but  —  (To  Watts)  —  the 
snufF's  working! 

MARIAN 

Don't  decide  now,  Mr.  Vaux. —  Think  it  over  —  to- 
night. 
VAUX  (tzoinkling) 

When  the  moon  comes  up?  (Touches  his  brow,  sig- 
nificantly) 

GRIGGS 

Will  you  call,  'bout  noon,  to-morrow  —  for  your 
cheque?  —  if  it's  all  right? 

VAUX 

In  that  case,  Mr.  Watts  will  act  for  me  —  if  you 
don't  mind. —  I'll  be  leaving  town,  early. 

GRIGGS 

To  celebrate,  eh?  —  Well,  you  artist-chaps  know  how 
to  do  it  when  you  have  the  price. —  Palm  Beach,  I 
s'pose. 

VAUX 

Possibly  —  or  California  — 

GRIGGS 

Well,  at  the  Royal  Ponciana  —  or  Coronada  —  Del 
Monte  —  or  any  of  those  swell  places,  you  can  do  me 
a  good  turn. 

VAUX 

Honored ! 

GRIGGS 

Just  ask  for  the  Cachuca. —  And  ask  loud !  —  (Ex- 
its,) 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  143 

VAUX  (to  Watts) 

When  I've  thought  this  over,  I  may  become  insane  — 
"  that  way  " —     (Watts  nods  under  standingly.) 

MARIAN  (to  Watts) 

V\\  run  along. —  You'll  join  me  later?  — 

VAUX 

Stay,  Miss  Gray,  if  you  will. —  (Lightly)  —  This 
may  be  my  last  will  and  testament  —  and  there  should 
be  a  witness  —  (To  Watts)  Part  of  that  cheque 
—  a  quarter,  say  —  you  would  send  to  me  —  to  an 
address  you'll  get  later.  A  trifle,  sa}^  $600  —  I'd 
like  Higgins  to  have,  in  monthly  instalments. —  But 
see  you  don't  pay  it  to  him  on  race-days. —  And 
thirty,  a  month  —  give  him,  extra  —  for  Cosie. 
(Writes  on  slip  of  paper,  or  card) 
WATTS  (sceptical) 

Much  chance  for  Cosie  !     He  starves  his  wife ! 

VAUX 

Yes,  but  —  Higgins  is  gentleman,  when  it  comes  to  a 
horse  !  —  The  rest  you'll  please  put  in  the  bank  to  the 
credit  of  —  (Gives  Watts  the  card)  —  that  name. 
WATTS  (suspiciously ) 
What  for.? 

VAUX 

He  knows. 

WATTS 

Not  a  gift .? 
VAUX   (''No'') 

A  loan. —  He  needs  it. 

WATTS 

Let  him  "  touch  "  his  father. 


144  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

Can't,  just  now. 

WATTS 

Why  ?     Is  he  paralyzed  —  the  old  man  ? 

VAUX 

Tom's  quarreled  with  his  father. 

WATTS 

Yes,  I  know,  but  — 

VAUX 

In  time,  of  course,  that  will  right  itself,  but,  mean- 
while, the  boy  needs  this  help  in  his  work  —  to  go 
abroad,  for  study  and  travel  — 

WATTS  (in  mingled  amazement  and  anger) 

And  for  that  you'd  sell  the—.?  Well,  of  all  the 
damned,  crazy,  quixotic  notions  — 

VAUX  (in  protest) 
Stop !     Stop ! 

MARIAN  (with  affection) 

Of  course,  he  doesn't  mean  "  crazy  "  — 

VAUX  (interrupting) 

"  Crazy  "  if  you  like !  —  (Touches  forehead)  But 
"  Quixotic,"  no !  I  do  this  for  self!  He  never  did 
—  for  self !     I  do  this  for  my  own  happiness. 

WATTS  (grimhj) 
Yes,  3^ou  look  it ! 

VAUX 

I  want  Tom  to  have  this  money. —  He  must  have  it  — 
to  marry. 

MARIAN 

Rhoda? 

VAUX 

Of  course! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  145 

MARIAN 

When  ?  —  when  ? 

VAUX  (looking  at  his  watch) 
.  Very  soon,  now  —  she'll  be  Tom  Savile's  wife  —  if 
he  found  the  parson  at  home.  (Goes  to  window) 
And  he  is  in !  (Looks  out  of  window)  The  cross  is 
lighted!  And  presently  the  bell  will  ring  and  we'll 
know  they're  at  the  altar.  Come,  we'll  drink  to  their 
happiness.  (Prepares  to  pour  three  glasses  of  cold 
tea) 

-MARIAN  (protesting ) 
In  cold  tea ! 

WATTS 

That's  the  stuff  —  for  such  a  marriage ! 

MARIAN 

Well,—  (Makes  to  go)  —  I'll  be  —  (Turns)  —  It's 
a  rotten  shame! 

VAUX 

Shame  .P 

WATTS 

Yes,  and  that's  on  your  conscience,  too!  Rhoda 
marries  him  only  because  you  told  her  to  —  out  of 
sheer  gratitude  to  ^ouf 

VAUX 

But  that's  too  absurd ! 

MARIAN 

Nothing  you   advise  Rhoda   is   too  absurd. —  Why, 

she'd  marry  Mr.  Watts,  if  you  said  so. 
WATTS  (peeved) 

Yes,  or  Higgins  —  or  Jake  ! 
VAUX  (indignant) 

You  go  too  far! 


146  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

MARIAN 

No !  He's  right !  —  She'd  marry  you,  if  you  told  her 
to  —  she's  so  grateful  for  what  you've  done  for  her. 

—  That's  how  I  first  knew  she  wasn't  in  love  with 
you. —  They  don't  go  together  —  love  and  gratitude 

—  like  hers. —  (Turns  to  Watts)  I'm  awfully 
obliged,  by  the  way,  for  these  lovely  orchids  —  (To 
Vaux)  —  To  repay  you,  she'd  sell  her  soul  —  or  even 
her  fur  coat !  —  That's  why  she  marries  Savile  !  — 
(Laughs  heartily)  But  she'll  get  even  with  him  — 
thank  God  —  or  I  don't  know  the  little  lady ! 

VAUX 

I've  known  her  longer  than  you. 

MARIAN 

Yes,  but  I  room  next  to  her  —  and  we've  talked  over 
young  Savile. 

VAUX 

What's  wrong  with  "  young  Savile  ".'^ 

WATTS 

Old  Savile !  —  to  start  with !  —  Like  sire,  like  son ! 

VAUX 

That  holds  only  with  horses  —  cattle  —  dogs  — 
swine  • — 

WATTS 

That  covers   the   Saviles !  —  Why,  Vaux,  you  can't 
know  — 
VAUX  (turns  away,  as  if  refusing  to  listen  further) 
Enough  for  me  that  Rhoda  loves  him ! 

MARIAN 

"  Loves  "  hell !  —  She  mouldy  too,  if  you  told  her  to ! 

—  And  thought  it  would  make  you  happy. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  147 

vAux  (sombrely) 

She's  made  me  happy, —  as  it  is. 
WATTS  (grimly) 

Yes !     Like    the    Cachuca !  —  And    for    this    you're 

ready   to   sacrifice  your  ideals  —  the   child-of-your- 

heart  — 

MARIAN 

He  shan't !     I'll  see  he  doesn't. 
VAUX  (protesting) 

Please,  Watts,  no  more!  —  You  don't  understand. 

WATTS 

No,  and  never  will  —  how  a  man  who  balks  at  a  bad 
cigar  can  stand  Tom  Savile !  — 
VAUX  (dismis singly) 

If  what  I  ask,  annoys  you  — ■ 

WATTS 

Of  course,  not !  —  But  since  you  rcill  do  this  insane 

thing,   do   be   sensible  about  it:  give  the  money   to 

Rhoda. 
VAUX  (assenting ) 

I've  thought  of  that  —  a  marriage-gift  —  but  —  it 

would  embarrass  Tom. 
WATTS  (through  a  burst  of  laughter) 

"  Embarrass  Tom  !  "  —  Good-night ! 

VAUX 

Good-bye  —  (Offers  hand) 

MARIAN 

No,  no!  (To  Watts)  Bring  him  with  us!  —  Then 
to  the  Concert  —  (To  Vaux)  I'm  going  to  try 
Rhoda's  song. —  You  know  the  tune  —  (Plays  a  few 
bars  on  the  piano)     Mr,  Watts  wrote  the  words. — 


148  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

WATTS 

She  has  a  voice  sent  straight  from  Heaven ! 

MARIAN 

Yes  —  but  a  hell  of  a  j  ob  to  make  the  world  believe 
it! 
WATTS  (urging  Vaux) 
You  must  hear  — 

WATTS 

I'd  love  to  —  but  —  no  !  —  I'd  only  spoil  your  even- 
ing. 

WATTS 

You'll  spoil  my  life  —  if  you  don't  come  along. — 
Because  I've  a  presentiment,  old  friend,  a  horrid  fore- 
boding, that  I'm  going  to  ask  a  lady  to  marry  me !  — 
(Marian  stops  playing)  —  And  she's  going  to  refuse 
me! 
MARIAN  (resumes  playing,  very  softly) 

Serve  you  right !  —  after  that  book  !  With  its  oaths 
and  cuss-words  on  every  page. —  It's  worse  than 
Shakespeare  or  Theodore  Dreiser  —  Even  the 
heroine — that  divine,  majestic  rotter  that  you  rave 
about  —  talks  like  two  pirates. 

WATTS 

But,  my  dear,  adorable  girl,  you  are  divine,  majestic 

—  but  you  —  "  cuss  " ! 

MARIAN 

Not  when  I  sing!  —  And  you  shouldn't  when  you 
write. —  You  never  heard  me  swear  at  Carnegie  Hall 

—  or  even  a  fashionable  musicale  —  where  it  might 
make  a  hit  —  give  my  song  — "  punch  "  !  My 
"  damns  "  don't  hurt  any  one  but  myself,  'cause  I 
only    do    it    'mong    friends  —  and    to    express    my 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  149 

feelings.  But  you  da  it  to  sell  your  damned  book  — 
and  I  blush  for  you ! 

WATTS 

You'll  never  blush  again! 

VAUX 

That's  a  pity!  (To  Marian)  You  do  it  beauti- 
fully. 

WATTS  (to  Marian) 

My  next  book'll  please  you. —  It's  all  planned !  — 
Won't  sell  enough,  by  God's  Grace,  to  pay  the 
printer's  bill  —  but  will  give  me  back  my  self-respect 
—  and  lose  my  publisher's !  —  And  you  couldn't 
blush  if  you  tried ! 

MARIAN  (gestures  "  no  "  emphatically) 
I  won't  even  try ! 

WATTS 

Not  just  now  —  but  some  day! 
MARIAN  (mith  coquetry) 

It'll  take  "  some  day  " —  a  very  long  day  —  and  most 

the  night!      (She  makes  to  go,  after  a  good-bye  to 

Vauw) 
WATTS  (at  door) 

I'll  see  you,  in  the  moiTiing,  before  you  go ! 

VAUX 

You  won't  be  up  so  early. 

WATTS  (with  a  nod  toicard  Marian) 

I'll  be  up  all  night !      (Exits,  following  Marian) 

VAUX  (calling  after  them,  as  their  chatter  and  laughter 
gradually  silence) 

Good-bye,  merry  friends  !  (Looking  about  the  room) 
Good-bye,  pleasant  fancies!  (To  the  statue) 
Good-bye,    sweet    memories  —  (In   a   voice    betxveen 


150  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

tears  and  frenzy)  —  for  I  perceive  I  am  about  to  — 
(The  church-hell  starts  clanging,  merrily)  (He 
stares  at  the  statue  a  few  seconds;  takes  up  the 
mallet  and  is  about  to  hurl  it  at  the  figure  mhen 
Rhoda  enters,  agitated,  half-tearful) 

RHODA 

Mr.  Vaux  !  —  Are  you  mad ! 
VAux  (lets  fall  the  mallet) 
Almost ! 

KHODA 

You  meant  to  destroy  it? 

VAUX 

Yes! 

RHODA 

But  you've  sold  it !  —  For  a  wretched  cigar ! 

VAUX 

No! 
RHODA  (insisti/ng) 

Yes,  for  that  old  Cachuca! 

VAUX 

No,  no !  For  a  nezi)^  Cachuca !  (Laughs)  —  im- 
proved —  reformed. —  And   he  —  (Indicates   statue) 

—  did  it ! 

RHODA  (stamps  her  foot) 

Don't  laugh !  —  You're  heart-broke,  I  know,  though 
3^ou  smile  as  if  you  hadn't  a  care  in  the  world. 

VAUX 

I  haven't  —  now  —  that  I  see  you  —  and  know 
you're  going  to  be  happy. 

RHODA 

And  that's  why  you  sell  it  —  (He  gestures  protest) 

—  for  Tom  Savile  and  me ! 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  151 

VAUX 

Nonsense ! 

BHODA 

Yes !     Mr.  Watts  just  told  me ! 

VAUX 

That's  silly  of  Watts  —  and  selfish  —  utterly  selfish 
of  him  —  He  wants  to  have  a  corner  on  Griggs !  — 
We'll  show  him !  — 

KHODA 

But  not  to-night !  Wait  —  'bout  Griggs  !  —  Decide 
to-morrow ! 

VAUX 

I'll  be  gone  to-morrow. 

RHODA 

Before  you  go  —  an  hour  or  two  —  and  I  can  man- 
age.—  Please  give  me  —  time  —  (Weeps  silently) 
VAUX  (bewildered  for  a  moment) 
What's  on  your  mind,  girl? 

RHODA 

Your  "  Quixote  " —  and  my  coat !  —  It  will  bring 
part,  at  least, —  and  the  song  may  help,  Marian  says 
—  and  Mr.  Watts  will  lend  me  the  rest.  (She  turns 
away) 

VAUX  (his  T'oice  tremidous  with  affection) 

Rhoda !  —  You  —  you  —  (Approaches  her:  stops, 
and  his  voice  swerves  into  a  fine  pretence  of  jollity 
and  laughter)  You  couldn't  live  without  that  coat! 
Your  very  heart  would  freeze  — 

RHODA  (as  the  birds  chirp  outside) 
The  Winter's  over. 

VAUX  (smilingly) 

But  they  wear  furs  in  Summer. 


152  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

KHODA    C  no  '*j 

Won't  be  style  this  Summer  —  furs.  And  never  in 
Spain,  in  Summer. —  Let  me  do  it  —  please. —  I've 
always  thought  —  praised  —  that  some  day  you'd  be 
poor  —  so  poor  my  coat  might  be  of  use. 
That's  why  I  took  such  care  of  it  —  wouldn't  risk  it 
in  the  snow  — 

VAUX 

Nor  even  on  Higgins'  tips  — ?  —  But  I've  given  my 
word  to  Griggs. 
RHODA  (with  meaning) 

One  can  change  their  mind. 

VAUX 

That's  the  sacred  right  of  your  sex. 
KHODA  (assenting) 

Sacred  duty,  sometimes. 
VAUX  (alert  to  her  meaning,  and  alarmed) 

You  haven't  changed  your  mind  —  'bout  marrying 

Tom.? 
RHODA  (after  a  slight  pause) 

No! 

VAUX 

Where  —  where  is  he  ? 
RHODA  (smiling) 

"  Waiting  at  the  Church  " —  for  the  parson. 

VAUX 

Then  everything's  all  right.'' 

EHODA 

Quite  as  it  should  be. 

VAUX 

I  knew  —  over  there  —  (Nods  toward  Square)  — 
you'd  forgive  him. 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  153 

RHODA 

Why,  of  course !  —  'Tisn't  hard  to  forgive  when  jou 
don't  much  care. 

VAUX 

But  you  do   care? 
RHODA  (wearily) 

If  you  say  so,  yes,  I  do  care  —  in  a  way. 

VAUX 

Not  the  way  3'ou  care  for  Mr.  Watts  —  or  Higgins 
—  or  me? 
RHODA  (promptly ) 

No!  (With  wistful  smile)  I  shouldn't  say  that. — 
(With  toss  of  head)  But  I'm  not  going  to  marry 
him  —  to-night ! 

VAUX 

Why  not  ?  —  Beautiful  night ! 
RHODA   (with  a  shrug) 
I'm  not  in  the  mood ! 

VAUX  (with  uplifted  eye-brows) 
Oh ! 

RHODA 

Well,  you  have  moods,  don't  you  ?  —  And  Tom  in- 
sists it  mtist  be  "  now  " —  to-night  —  moment  the 
parson   gets   in  —  right   off   the   reel !  —  That's    no 


w 


ay 


VAUX  (nods  "  yes  ") 

With  you^  Rhoda  —  I  guess  the  only  way. —  And  I 
couldn't  start  off,  to-morrow,  with  the  thought  of 
you  here  —  unprotected,  alone. —  I  suppose  I'll  sim- 
ply have  to  wait  —  till  you  are  in  the  mood ! 


154  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

RHODA    C  no  "  j 

Don't  wait,  Mr.  Vaux!  I'll  do  'most  anything  you 
tell  me,  but  don't  wait ! 

VAUX 

Then  you  have  changed  your  mind? 

RHODA  (promptly,  mith  some  temper) 

No !  I've  not  changed  my  mind !  I  never  had  a 
mind  to  marry  Tom  Savile  —  to-night. —  I  had  your 
mind,  Mr.  Vaux !  That  one  I  have  changed  —  for 
my  own. —  I  always  suspected  I  had  one ; —  but, 
somehow,  you  —  confused  —  me,  Mr.  Vaux,  until 
you  sent  us  to  the  Square  just  now  —  and  I  heard 
the  birds,  and  the  fountain,  and  the  hand-organ  — 
and  I  felt,  somehow,  Tom  wasn't  the  man  I  wanted  to 
hear  tliem  with. —  Then  I  was  sure  of  my  mind. — 
And  now  I  wouldn't  change  back  to  yours  —  if  you 
talked  Tom  till  Dooms-day! 

VAUX 

I'll  begin  when  I  get  back.  (Takes  hat,  and  makes 
to  go) 

RHODA  (intervening) 

You  going  to  fetch  Tom.f* 

VAUX 

No !  To  explain  to  the  parson. —  He'll  think  I'm 
crazy  —  after  my  making  all  the  arrangements  — 
for  the  license,  service  —  and  — 

RHODA 

Take  me  with  you. 

VAUX 

What  for.? 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  155 

RHODA 

ni  explain  —  that  I've  a  headache  —  or  a  tooth- 
ache —  or  my  trousseau  isn't  ready. 

VAUX 

He'll  think  we're  all  crazy  !  —  You  run  home  —  you 
look  tired,  Miss  Brough ;  —  j^ou've  not  been  yourself 
lately; — I'll    arrange    matters  —  with    the    parson; 
tell  him  3'ou  wish  to  wait  —  a  day  or  two. — 
RHODA  (against  the  door,  barring  his  way) 

I  like  the  way  you  dispose  of  me !  —  arrange  my  life 
for  me !  —  tell  me  what  I  wish  and  don't  wish !  — 
who  I'm  to  choose  for  love,  and  who  for  a  friend  — 
when  I'm  to  marry  and  who  I  must  marry  —  and 
what  I  may  think  and  mustn't  —  as  though  I  had  no 
mind  of  my  own  —  no  heart  —  no  will  —  no  wish  ! 

VAUX 

I've  tried  only  to  anticipate  your  will  and  wish  —  to 
guide  you,  surely,  to  its  fulfilment. —  I've  sought  to 
divine,  and  make  clear  to  7/ou  —  what  was  going  on 
in  that  dreamy,  fantastic,  irresponsible  little  head. — 
I  believed  —  fondly  —  but  foolishly,  it  seems  —  that 
I  was  reading  your  dearest  thoughts  —  as  I'd  read 
the  simplest  English  — 

RHODA 

A  girl  doesn't  always  think  English. —  And  she 
doesn't  think  as  simple  as  she  looks. —  If  you  ever 
read  here  —  (Touches  h^r  head)  —  one  dim,  tiny 
thought  that  I'd  marry  Tom  Savile  —  you  must  have 
read,  too,  that  it  was  for  you  I  did  it  —  only  to 
please  you. —  I  supposed  I  could,  'til  the  time  came. 
—  Now  I  know  I  couldn't  marry  any  man  without 
love  —  not  even  you,  Mr.  Vaux,  just  to  please  you ! 


156  JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE 

VAUX 

Good  Lord,  no !     Marry  without  love ! 

RHODA 

You  wouldn't  want  me  to? 
VAUX  (repels  the  idea) 

Out  of  mere  affection,  tenderness,  loyalty ! 

RHODA 

That  isn't  enough? 

VAUX 

For  your  happiness,  no !  —  To  be  comrades  is  some- 
thing :  to  love  and  be  loved  as  friend ; —  but  there's 
a  difference  —  how  vast,  amazing  and  beautiful 
you've  yet  to  learn. —  You're  so  young  —  so  new  to 
life !  —  And  I  envy  more  than  any  one  else  in  the 
world,  the  man  you'll  some  day  come  to  love  —  as 
you  must  love  —  not  only  in  heart  and  soul  and 
mind,  but  in  every  atom  of  your  splendid,  vital, 
eager  youth.  That's  the  love  for  your  marriage, 
Miss  Brough!  —  There  should  be  —  for  your  happi- 
ness —  there  must  be  —  (Hesitates) 

RHODA 

Go  on,  Mr.  Vaux!     Say  it! 

VAUX 

Affection   isn't   enough  —  nor  gratitude  —  nor   pity 

—  nor  even  the  msh  to  love !  —  There  must  be  — 
how  shall  I  tell  you? 

RHODA 

I  know  —  without  you  telling !  —  I've  always  known 

—  from  the  first  —  with  you !  (In  Spanish) 
(With  all  her  heart  and  soul) 

A  prueba  de  contraria  estoy  hecho 
De  blanda  cera  y  de  diamante  dure, 


JUST  OFF  THE  AVENUE  157 

Y  a  las  leyes  de  amor  el  alma  ajusto. 
Blando  cual  es,  6  fuerte  of rezco  el  pecho : 
Entallad,  6  imprimid  lo  que  os  de  gusto, 
Que  de  guardarlo  eternamente  juro! 
VAUX  (bewildered) 

What's  that?  —  What  are  you  saying? 

RHODA 

What  Dulcinea  said  to  him.      (Indicates  the  statue 
of  Quixote) 

VAUX 

I   don't   recall  —  Say   it   in   English,  Miss   Brough ! 
(Draws  near  to  her) 

RHODA 

You  can't  say  it  in  English! 
VAUX  (drawing  nearer) 

You  can  try !     (Seizes  her  in  mad  embrace) 

RHODA 

I  will  not,   Mr.   Vaux.      (Puts  her  arms   about  his 

neck) 
VAUX  (kisses  her  repeatedly/) 

Say  it,  girl !     Say  it.  Miss  Brough ! 
RHODA  (breathless,  between  his  kisses) 

Give  me  a  chance,  Mr.  Vaux. 

THE    END 


M'233675 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CAUFORNIA  LIBRARY 


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